When nothing is clear the mind is just as clouded, a cacophony of thoughts fills it all. |
I know it will hurt and I know I will cry. I know because it already does, sometimes so bad I want to die. I know you are the only one I want, and the one with whom I'll never be. I know that my brain sees it is true, but my heart will never agree. I know after all this time I can't live without the dreams. I know I will have to, as it falls apart at the seams... I know while I will be alone, you will have so many from which to choose. I wonder if I ever even had your love to lose. I wonder what my life without the dreams of us will become. I wonder if it will cause me to finally succumb... I wonder if you ever meant all those things you used to say, I wonder if I had never believed it, would my heart be in less disarray. I wonder if we could be as happy as I always thought. I wonder if my soul would still be overwrought. I fear that all this may be in my head. I fear my worries may have me completely misled. I fear I am wrong and her love is still there. I fear I will always hold this hope and my heart in its snare. I fear that my past hurt has led me astray. I fear that there is a hidden chance I will continue to underplay. I fear I will forever be lost in this confusion. I choose to follow through on my delusion. I choose to keep on trying, I choose to make sure all my pain is kept underlying. I choose to keep playing this game despite the cost. I choose to get back up no matter what I have lost. I choose to wander on, completely resigned. I choose to be ever lost, in my own mind... I know I have no clue what it all means for me, I wonder if the two of us will ever be, I fear more hurt is all I will incur... And I choose to suffer through it all for a chance with her. |