Thinking about her

I looked at her.  No, I stared at her.  I thought I saw something I could only touch if I didn't forget.  If I felt it, it would come true.  Then I looked at him.  They were laughing, holding hands, like they could never be separated.  It's not that I missed her.  It's that I missed the feeling. 

I kept thinking, what did he have that I didn't?  Why could he have someone and I can't?  Why am I not special?  I don't hate him.  I'm jealous of him.  He has it.  I just have to imagine it.  I'm tired of imagining it.  I want to touch it. 

I'm scared.  Tell me why if you're scared you are somehow less of a person.  Less of a real man.  Maybe that's why he has it.  He doesn't have my feelings.  My sensitivity.  My flaws.  He thinks he's best for her.  He's not.  What does that matter?  It takes both to choose. 

I'm rambling.  I need it.  I don't want feelings.  They make things worse.  Just go out there and act like you are a king.  It works.  I've seen it.  I'm not a king.  Him?  He's not either.  Her?  She's not a queen.  She's something more.  She could change the world.  But she's not the only one.  She doesn't see her like I do.  Maybe that's for the best.

I want her to be like my dreams.  I want him to act like he's got something to lose.  Stop thinking.  Stop caring.  I can't.  When you see him, be nice.  Listen to him.  You'll see what I can't be.  Right now, that's just what I need. 

Talk to me.  Be nice.  Don't leave me alone.  I can't take the silence anymore.  Time doesn't stop for anyone.  It's ticking.  Ticking way too fast. I'm not the only one.  I'm not the only one.  Talk to me.  Time is winding down.  I wish her the best. 

I'm starting to forget.  I'm starting to lose my hearing.  The silence is deafening.