What He Doesn't Know

He doesn't know what she is really thinking
He doesn't know she still weeps for him,
One tear for every minute she's ever hurt him
He doesn't know she dreams of what used to be and what is,
That he's the knight in shining armor in the castle conjured by her subconscious mind
Or that everything he ever gave her was a treasure
All things small, large, material, and emotional
All things she holds near and dear to her fragile heart
He doesn't know she still sings love songs commemorated to him
Even though she claims to hate the music genre with a passion
He doesn't know she prays to God every night,
Begging that she won't lose his companionship
No matter how much she says she wants separation from him
He doesn't know that even though she ignores him
Every word she is holding in and dying to say
Burns worse than the fiery pits of Hell
Forming an inferno of pain in her heavy chest
He doesn't know how much she loves him
Even though she acts just the opposite for fear of him letting go
She wants him close, she wants him there, even after the end of forever
Because even a second without him is an eternity
But she's willing to wait even longer
Worst of all, he doesn't, nor will he ever, know how sorry she is
For all the knives she's plunged in his back
Or blows she's dealt to his delicate heart
When all she's ever wanted was for him to feel joy
And as she writes this, her hand trembles
With the contortions of self-hatred, despair, and remorse for the love she has demolished