The beach

The Beach


The crowd cheered riotously as we approached the gate. The noise mixed with tiny bits of paper swirling all around us and the pungent ever present odor of stadium beer. The arena was packed. Not one seat was left empty for tonight's spectacle.

The heavy steel door swung open as the announcer called the prisoner forward. I looked down at my son's trembling shoulders his hands in chains, his eyes starting to well up again. "He's only 9 I muttered quietly to the guard behind me one more time hoping impossibly that maybe he would open his eyes to the absurdity of this and let us escape. He didn't even acknowledge that I spoke just nudged me forward through the gate.

We started our slow march toward the gallows and the crowd monster roared louder. The sound scared Sean more than he was already and looked up to me crying hysterically, begging me to make it stop "I don't want to die daddy! Please tell them I'm sorry, I didn't even want to go with Brady. Please daddy I will miss you and mommy too much. I don't want to go to heaven yet." I stoop down to hug him, an instinctual move but the guard disapproved and shocked my collar to let me know it. "Please" I could only manage a trembling whisper "let me carry my son one last time." He didn't answer but when I stooped a second time there was no shock.

I hid my face behind Sean and buried his face in my shoulder. So many times before this I had told him he was getting too big to be carried. I would hold him in my arms forever if it would stop this madness. "Just pretend the sound is the ocean." I whispered in his ear. "Remember last year at the beach with your sister collecting shells and touching jelly fish on the beach?"
"Yes.." His voice was still trembling and we were only 30 yards from the hangman's platform now. "Good. Hold that picture in your mind and try to think of all the details of that day. How did it smell? Was it hot? What does the sand feel like between your toes? You remember that day and tell me if you can hear the ocean now?"
"I hear it daddy! I can hear the waves. They are getting louder the waves are getting so big!" 15 yards away now.
"That's great Sean."
"Daddy I can feel the mist on my cheeks."
"Wow" I answered straining to hold my words steady. I knew his ocean spray was my tears. We reached the stairs to the noose and I whispered to my son one last time. "Sean, I love you. Daddy needs you to do him a favor okay." I was choking on my words. "Okay daddy."
"Don't open your eyes no matter what." You keep your eyes closed tight and you stay at the beach. You listen for my voice and Tell me all about what you see. Can you do that?"
"Yes daddy, I can do that." The guard took him away from and in a break with protocol carried Sean up the stairs and to the noose. "Do you see any birds?" I screamed hoping he could hear me over the crowd. His mouth moved but I could not hear him. They slipped the rope over his neck and for just a second The entire world fell away. "It's beautiful at the beach daddy can we go get ice cream after?" The crowd crashed back in like a tsunami when Sean's body fell. "I love you!!!" I was screaming frantically.
I woke up still screaming. "I love you too?" My wife said a little bewildered. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, ignored Carol completely and ran for Sean's room. I scooped him up and just hugged him for what felt like an eternity. "Are you okay daddy?"
"I'm fine Sean." I was sobbing "I just love you so much."
"I love you too daddy."