Life of Neerja

Life of Neerja





Neerja was looking outside her window. Her apartment was one of the most upscale one where all the big shots used to live. There were plush green,  well  kept  gardens wherever her eyes could focus. The water sprinklers were very fascinating to look. They seemed to be doing some kind of jazz as they kept rotating to provide the much needed water to the Chrysanthemums and roses all around them. The ducks were splashing and playing around the fountain.  There were few tiny tots who were feeding the fish in the pond. It was a sight and a kind of living which any one would crave for. However, Neerja was staring blankly at them with no emotions.

As she sat on her rocking chair, a tiny colourful bird came and sat on her window sill. “Oh Lord! Please grant me the life of a bird in my next birth. I want to fly free like her.” she muttered under her breath.

She thought about the events of the day.

She had visited her doctor today and the doctors’ verdict was not too encouraging. Dr Qaiser, who was one of the leading cardiologist of the city, had told her categorically, “that there were  abnormal heart rhythms, a signal of  Arrhythmia, which is a kind of heart disease. If not treated now it could lead to an attack.” With her history of high blood pressure and high cholesterol  the picture did not look great. Neerja just laughed it off and said “Doc you don’t known how strong I am and you know I have nothing to worry about  now, don’t you agree with me? I have lived my life.  I have fulfilled my aim, I have seen Neelakshi settle in her life, What else can I ask for? God has given me everything I have asked for. Everyone retires from life one day, I will also follow the rule.” As Dr. Qaiser looked at her face, he could see the pain in her eyes. He was too experienced to be taken for a ride.

He had known Neerja for the last eight years. Other than  a professional relationship he had developed a fatherly affiliation towards her. She was only 46 and he could clearly see she was heading towards her end. She had taken an oath of secrecy from Dr. Qaiser  that he would never discuss her case with her husband, Nilesh.  Neelakshi  was their only daughter and she had got into Massachusetts Institute of Technology , where her mother always dreamt for her to be. 

With a big sigh, he said “Ok Neerja take care. Call me if there is any need. I am just  a phone call away. And yes don’t forget to take your medicines regularly. ” He smiled as he got up.

The wind chime above her window was making a soft melodious sound. She closed her eyes and tried to shut off all her thoughts. The harder she tried more strongly they kept coming to her.

It seemed it was only yesterday. She had married Nilesh. It was an arranged marriage. To her utter dismay she had found that Nilesh was a workaholic. He loved Neerja but at the same time she always felt that his priority was always his work. That was true to a large extent. Nilesh could never strike a work life balance. He brought work back home. They hardly ever had time together. She felt they had so much money but no enjoyment and satisfaction in life. To top it all another issue that bothered her considerably was her inlaws. They were the interfering kind and they tried their best to control her life. Neerja could not tolerate this kind of life. Her efforts to talk to Nilesh always turned  ugly. He never had the courage to tell his parents to keep at bay. That’s the way they had brought him up. He could never support his wife. They would end up fighting and for days there would be no conversation between them. This was not the kind of life she had envisaged for herself. By now Neerja was fed up with life, Nilesh and his parents. Number of times she contemplated ending her life. But she could never bring herself to do that.

Neerja had come from a very simple family. Her parents had provided her with all the luxuries they could give her. Most of her needs were met and now after marriage she was looking for her higher end needs to be met. She craved for companionship. Nilesh was always busy with his work. Unfortunately he thought that money could buy all happiness. He did not realise that money can make you rich but it cannot make you happy. It was the little things in life which mattered to Neerja most. However, Nilesh could never see that.

Three years after marriage, their little bundle of joy came along and that was the turning point for her. She got a purpose in life. She was deeply involved in bringing up her bundle of joy. This had another consequence. Their fights became lesser. She could feel a detachment from Nilesh. However, Nilesh did not notice anything as he was getting more and more involved in his work with no time for family. He was climbing up the ladder of professional success but on his personal front he was loosing out. Number of times Neerja tried to make Nilesh understand this but he was into work completely. He never saw any sense in what Neerja had to say. This made them drift apart. Slowly but steadily there were cracks developing in their relationship. For Neerja there  was one point agenda in her life. To see her daughter settled well in her life.

By now the marriage seemed to be an arrangement between Neerja and Nilesh. He was working and in turn she was looking after their child and the house. All this took a toll on her health. High stress levels due to Nilesh’s work habits and her inlaws landed her with high blood pressure. She was not obese but yet she was diagnosed with high cholesterol. Meantime, Neelakshi  was growing up. She was a brilliant child. Praises were showered on her at school and any where she went. Neerja’s hard work was showing up. She felt her self worth and self esteem going up. She had made up her mind “My daughter will not have my fate.”

As Neelakshi was earning laurels from everyone, Neerja’s health was taking a downturn. That was when she met Dr. Qaiser. Who was more a father to her than a doctor. She had never discussed her problems with anyone . Least of all with her husband. She thought he never needed to know that. (What an irony). The day arrived and Neelakshi applied for various Universities. As luck would have it she got selected in the prestigious MIT. It was the happiest day in her life. Neerja’s happiness knew no bounds. Finally, she felt that her prayers were being answered.

Suddenly she was jolted from her reverie by the sound of the door bell. She looked at the clock. It was 11:30 p.m. She opened the door and saw Nilesh standing with his laptop bag slung across  his shoulder. He had come back from office. She laid the dinner table and retired to her bed. Hoping that one day she retired from her life too and hoped that it was soon.