"Greatest Hits" - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

         Around 11:00 that night Gabriel was flat on his back, staring up at the moonless, star-filled sky above.  Amy was lying in the grass next to him.  He could hardly believe that only a few days earlier she had casually walked into the store a complete stranger to his consciousness.  Now the girl of his dreams was only inches away.
        The crowded pub had proven to be too loud for one-on-one conversation so they had politely excused themselves to go for a walk.  Now they were lying next to each other in a park near the pub, revealing their lives to one another as if in a hurry to make up for lost time.
        Gabriel was just finishing up his relating of what he called the sanitized, “Reader’s Digest” version of his memoirs.
         “…and then B.W. comes along, picks me up in the middle of nowhere and brings me to Phoenix,” he said.
         “I see,” Amy said, “So what’s next, then?  You can’t just drift along without a destination until you disappear off the face of the earth.  I mean, isn’t there something you want to do with your life besides taking up space?  Something significant?”
         “Sure, I just have no clue as to what that might be.  I reckon I’d be happiest being involved with something creative.  I’d like to find some art form I could really sink my teeth into and excel at.  But I’m not there yet.  This wandering phase is what I’m going through in the meantime while I wait for my purpose to present itself.  Or something like that.  Okay, enough about me.  It’s your turn.  Tell me all about Amy Allen.”
         She sighed as if bored with herself.  “Not much to tell.  Pretty mundane stuff.  Especially compared to your nomadic adventures out on the road.  I’m twenty two and I work five days a week in a realty office as a secretary and receptionist.  I keep the books straight, I type a lot, answer the phone, run errands, make coffee, things like that.  Busy work, mostly.  I’m good at what I do, though.  At home I like to cook, sew, read interesting books and listen to music.  I’m a simple girl with simple tastes.”
         “You and your family from Phoenix?”
         “Yeah.  My dad’s a bank manager and my mom’s a secretary at a law firm.  Like momma, like daughter, I guess.  I’ve never lived anywhere else.  I was a cheerleader in high school and I thought that was the end-all of end-alls but after graduation I soon realized it meant nothing.  I used to dream of being in the fashion industry as a model or maybe even a designer but once it dawned on me that it would require moving far away from here I lost interest.  I’m a hopeless homebody, I guess.  A true desert rat.  I landed the job I’ve got three years ago and I’m content with it.  I’m able to live on my own terms and that’s very important to me.”
         “Um, you got a fella?”
         “Nope.  Not even dating right now.  Everybody’s just a friend around here.  I guess I’m just waiting for Prince Charming to show up out of nowhere and sweep me off my feet.”  She paused.  “Sorry, that didn’t come out right.  Makes me seem about as mature as a 10-year-old playing “Dream Date.”  What I mean is that I want to meet a man who makes me feel like no man ever has before.  I want the skyrockets.  Anything else is just a waste of time.”
         There was silence while Gabriel digested the wonderful news.  He smiled to himself.  Not only was Amy beautiful and smart, she was, unbelievably, single!  He’d had conversations with many attractive ladies over the years but usually all they wanted to talk about was old boyfriends or the latest gossip about their closest confidants and coworkers or endlessly expand on their unshakable opinion that lots of money could solve all their problems.  None of those topics seemed to interest Amy one bit.  She, like him, wanted to live in the moment.  And at that very moment they were floating between the earth and the sky.
         “Gabe, you ever look at the universe?” she asked him.
         “Sure.  Who hasn’t?”
         “Lots of people haven’t.  I mean really look at it.  Into it.  Feel it wrapping itself all around the planet.  I love to contemplate on how far those stars really are from us.  The immensity of what we’re just a tiny part of can be intimidating to some people but I find it to be reassuring.  I’m just as real as a galaxy.  If I’m made of the same atoms that the stars are made of then I must be just as important to the Creator as they are.”
         “I understand what you’re getting at.  I’ve spent many an evening out in the open over the last few years so I can relate to what you’re saying.  Everyone glances up at the night sky from time to time but few ever acknowledge it for what it actually is.  It’s existence itself.  It’s not just a backdrop for our little planet to pose in front of.  Not a picture someone drew.  Not a special effect in a movie.  Right now we’re looking straight into the eyes of infinity, but, by definition, something that has no end is beyond our limited minds to fathom.  So literally, at this very moment, you and I are being confronted by a factual reality that we can’t possibly grasp.  Yet it surrounds us constantly.  It’s everything there is.  Everything.”
         Amy sighed.  “Those were my exact thoughts, Gabe.  You read my mind.  Everything’s right out there in front of us.”
         Gabriel propped himself up on one arm and looked down into Amy’s beguiling eyes.  “But heaven’s not out there.  It’s right here.”
         Amy smiled and reached up to touch his cheek with her fingers.  “And heaven is so very close,” she whispered.
         He bent closer and closer to her.  He could smell her soft fragrance and hear her low breathing.  As their lips met he could feel the whole universe revolving behind him.

         The next day at the shop all Gabriel could talk about was Amy.
         “So you think she’s a peach, huh?”  B.W. asked.  “I can’t imagine why.”
         “She knows just what to say and exactly when to say it, man.  Intelligent and gorgeous.  That’s a rare combination.”
         “Well, she definitely has a lot going for her.  When she drops in here she brightens up the place and every guy I know has a huge crush on her.  But she’s nobody’s fool, especially when it comes to men.  If a guy puts up a false front or lies to her she’s long gone in a flash.  We’ve had great talks, me and her.  And you’re right.  She’s one smart cookie.”
         “She said she’d come by again today.  I hope it’s this morning,” Gabriel said as he looked out the front window for the umpteenth time.

         The place was busier than any day Gabriel had known the store to have before and by noon B.W. was singing to himself.  The rent was paid for another month.
         “Now I can start worrying about paying for something else,” he grinned.
         “I’m sure you’ll think of something,” Gabriel replied.
         Every few minutes Gabriel would glance over at the door.  He was certain that Amy would show up but she never did.  At 6:30 the place was empty.  B.W. locked up and began to clear out the cash register.  Gabriel went outside into the alley and kicked an old, rusted soup can viciously.  He felt like a jackass for letting his feelings get hurt.  “Boy, did you ever get a royal snow job,” he mumbled to himself.
         “Hey, Gabe!” B.W. yelled from inside.
         Gabriel walked to the door and peered in.  “Yeah?”
         “Phone for you, man.”
         Gabriel rushed inside and grabbed the receiver.  “This is Gabriel.”
         “Gabe?  I’m so sorry.  I meant to come by today but I got tangled up at the office with a million hassles and couldn’t take a break,” Amy said.
         Gabriel’s anger melted in an instant.  “Oh, that’s okay.  We were swamped down here, anyway,” Gabriel said, winking at B.W.
         “I called to see if you’d come to dinner at my place tonight.  How ‘bout it?” she asked.
         “I’d love it.  I have no plans.”
         “Great.  Can you be here in an hour?”
         “No problem.  Aspen and Logan, apartment 21, right?”
         “You remembered!”
         “No, I wrote it down on a matchbook last night.”
         “I thought so,” she said, giggling.  “I’ll see you later.  Bye.”
         “Goodbye, Amy.”
         B.W. smiled while thumbing his way through a stack of dollar bills.  “Who was that?” he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
         “Oh, nobody special.  Just the most perfect woman in the world,” Gabriel said, punching B.W. on the arm.
         “Ow!  Take it easy, Romeo.  I’m big but I’m fragile,” he said.
         
         Gabriel checked the clock inside the corner gas station as he walked by.  It was about 7:20 and he was only a half a block from Amy’s place.  He thought back on how many times he’d advised his envious high school pals to never show up early for a date because it might make you appear overanxious or desperate.  Now he was forcing himself to keep from running up to Amy’s front door and scratching at it like an eager puppy.  He paused at a bus stop and smoked a cigarette to kill a little time but his heart was racing with anticipation.  Amy was a one-in-a-million girl and he knew it.
         He found her apartment complex and began to search for number 21.  It was on the second floor by the Coke machine, just as she had described.  He rang the doorbell and fidgeted nervously before she opened the door.  She was dressed casually in jeans and a Tee shirt, her hair in pigtails.  Her smile devastated him.
         “Come on in.  Supper’s almost ready.”
         He stepped inside while she made for the kitchen.  He took a look around.  Her humble abode was just as he had envisioned it would be.
         “This is a sweet little place you got here.  Very cozy.”
         “Thanks.  Make yourself at home.  I’ve got bread baking in the oven and I’d hate to burn it up,” she shouted over the Poco album that was playing on the stereo.
         He took a seat on her well-worn couch.  The furniture in the small living room was a mixture of colors and styles but definitely unique.  Florid Indian bed covers hung from the ceiling, giving the room an intimate aura.  Faux bookshelves made of cinder blocks and wood slats lined two of the walls that held framed prints of Monet and Van Gogh paintings.  Somehow it all worked with the dark green shag carpet that stretched into the hallway.  Candles and incense gave it a romantic glow.  Gabriel felt comfortable right away.
         Besides the bread he could smell something scrumptious cooking but couldn’t specifically identify the savory odor.  It was a tad spicy, whatever it was.  He got up and peeked into the kitchen.
         “What’s cooking?  It smells amazing.”
         “Oh, it’s called Amy’s surprise because I’m always as surprised as anyone if it turns out to be any good,” she laughed.  “I think you’re safe, though.  It should be edible.”
         “That’s reassuring,” he said.  Actually, he would’ve eaten a can of Alpo if it meant getting to gaze into those incredible eyes of hers by candlelight.

         A half hour later Gabriel slowly lowered himself onto Amy’s couch.  He was a contented man with a full stomach.  Everything had been delicious.  Amy’s surprise turned out to be a baked casserole of cheese, broccoli, onions, bell peppers and bits of ham all mixed together in a conglomeration of spices and seasonings.  For a guy with hardly a cent to his name Gabriel had eaten like a king for the short time he’d been in Phoenix.
         He leaned over and checked out a stack of LPs on the floor while she cleared the table.  Gabriel had learned that you could always tell a lot about a person by what was included in their record collection.  He found Linda Ronstadt, Joni Mitchell, CSN&Y, Allman Brothers, Stones, Beatles, The Who and Santana.  She passed that particular personality test with flying colors.  Soon Amy joined him, bringing with her two glasses of wine.
         “Care for some dessert?” she asked.
         “Maybe later.  I’m about ready to pop at this moment,” he groaned.
         She sat down next to him.  Close.  They stared into each others’ eyes for a second, then she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips.
         “You’re quite a cook,” he said, straining to remain calm.
         “I try real hard and keep an open mind.  I guess that’s my secret to culinary success.”
         “Amy’s surprise is fantastic.  I give it five stars.”
         “Thanks.  It’s a dish that just kinda happened one night.  It’s never the same, though, because I don’t follow a recipe but it was exceptional this time, I have to admit.  It must’ve known I wanted to make a good impression.”
         “It did the trick,” he said.  He looked directly into her alluring baby blues, admiring their depth and intensity.  She was beauty personified.
         “I thought about you all day,” he confessed.
         “Really?  Well, I did some thinking about you, too,” she said.
         “Which reminds me,” he said as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.  “I wrote something for you while I was at the shop.”
         She lit up.  “Oh?  What is it?”
         “Well, nothing much, really.  It’s supposed to be a poem but I’m afraid you’ll find out in a hurry that I’m no Robert Frost.  It’s more of a statement about how you make me feel.”
         He handed her the poem and looked away.  She carefully unfolded it and read it aloud:
        “I’ve seen a lot of places that most will never see.
        But, then again, there’s distant lands that won’t be gazed upon by me.
        Though mountains tall and rivers wide still shade my memories
        The miracle of your smile is more beautiful to me…
        Signed, Gabe”
        She read it two more times silently to herself before saying anything at all.  Gabriel just stared down at his feet, wondering if he just blew it by being too forward.  Finally she turned to him.
        “I don’t know what to say.  I’m speechless.  Thank you.”
        Gabriel sighed in relief.  “I’m glad you like it.  I’m not what you’d call the romantic type much of the time but you definitely bring it out in me.  I feel like a schoolboy around you.”
        “This means a lot to me.  No one’s ever written a poem for me.  Ever.  You’re a very special man, Gabe.  I can sense that.”
        She gave him an irresistible come hither look so he pulled her close and kissed her.  She felt soft and warm in his arms and her tender kiss made him feel like he was running a high fever.  It had been a long time since he’d let himself get close to anyone, much less a goddess of her caliber.  A very long time.  “Maybe it’s time to tear down that stone wall around my heart,” he thought as they embraced.

        They listened to records, drank cheap wine, kissed and talked until one in the morning.  Finally Amy said that she had to get some sleep or she’d be useless at work later in the day.  They lingered outside the door on the walkway for another 15 minutes as the magnetism pulling them together only intensified.  Amy knew that this whole “love at first sight” thing with Gabriel was going way, way too fast for her but she felt as if she was caught in a riptide of emotions that was overwhelming all rationale and caution.  Whatever this was, it was a lot bigger and stronger than she was.
        After another long, passionate kiss she pulled back from Gabriel and looked into his eyes.
        “This is crazy.  I really need to make you leave.  But I really don’t want to make you leave.”
        “Then don’t”
        “Shy, aren’t you?” she purred, kissing him again.
        “Not shy when I’m sure,” he replied.
        They kissed again, then she talked to herself aloud.
        “Oh, Amy.  I can’t believe you’re going to do what you’re about to do,” she whispered.
        She pulled away, turned and opened the door, then took Gabriel’s hand and led him back inside.  He would not spend another night at B.W. and Michelle’s house for a long time to come.

      B.W. opened the store at ten o’clock sharp the next morning and Gabriel strolled in five minutes later, whistling merrily like a Mockingbird on a spring afternoon.  The day was heating up already as the Arizona sun was just getting started on its daily earth-baking chore but nothing could ruin his mood.
        “Good morning, loverboy,” B.W. said with a knowing smile.  “Good of you to join me.”
        “Greetings!”
        “I trust you had a delightful evening in our fair city?”
        “That, my friend, could be the understatement of the century.”
        “I’m glad to hear you two hit it off so well.”
        “B.W., I’m not prone to exaggeration but she’s the woman of my dreams.  I guess I should’ve called you last night to let you know that you needn’t stay up but it never entered my mind.  Sorry.  I was preoccupied.”
        “I wasn’t worried and I didn’t stay up.  I figured you were in good hands.  Or should I say arms!”
        B.W. winked at him and laughed.  Gabriel actually blushed.

         By mid October Gabriel had officially moved his meager belongings, all of which could easily fit in his tattered backpack, into Amy’s apartment and the two of them willingly allowed themselves to get caught up in that swirling, giddy atmosphere of exhilarating, playful and lusty love that only new couples are privileged to know.  That extraordinary kind of love affair that only comes along once or, if one is lucky, twice in a person’s entire lifetime.  The one that, in our golden years, we look back on and cherish as being the most magical of our lives even if it came to a sad end.  The one up against which all of our subsequent romantic love relationships will be measured until the day we pass from this mortal plane of existence.
        Gabriel’s life had rotated 180 degrees.  While he wasn’t getting rich working at the Atomic Dandelion, it was the first real employment he’d known in years and the stability that the job and Amy provided gave him the peace of mind that he’d been seeking since leaving Tennessee.  It felt great to stay in one place for a change and to accept that, at least for the time being, his wanderlust was pacified.
         Something else had happened that seemed very insignificant to Gabriel at the time but would affect him more than he could ever imagine.  One day while hunting for a missing shirt he discovered an inexpensive Kay acoustic guitar entombed in its case and buried in the back of Amy’s closet.  When he asked her about it she said she’d envisioned herself as being another Judy Collins or Joan Baez at one point but gave up when she realized that she’d have to cut her fingernails short if she wanted to play the instrument decently.  Gabriel, like many of his chums in junior high school, had been enamored with the idea of becoming a rock god and had learned all the basic guitar chords so that he and his hoodlum buddies could play for the Friday morning sock hops.  But he’d left it behind when he realized that it was easier for him to run over people on the football field than it was to learn tricky Beatle songs in a hot, stuffy garage.
         Little by little he got reacquainted with the guitar and pretty soon he found he could play along with records as well as make up silly songs to entertain Amy with when they weren’t slobbering all over each other.  He even bought a neck harness for his harmonica so he could do imitations of Bob Dylan and Neil Young that cracked all of their friends up no end.  Everyone who heard him sing complimented him on his voice and their encouragement did wonders for his confidence.  It felt great to know he was good at something other than carrying an oval ball.  Something that made him stand out from the crowd.  Something worthwhile.

         Amy and Gabriel’s relationship only grew stronger as the year neared its last days.  Amy’s love broke down all his barriers one at a time and he willingly let them crumble and fall at her feet.  The charisma and friendly charm that had made him a very popular boy in high school began to resurface and he and Amy made new friends right and left.  They were the happy couple that everyone liked to be around.
         On many nights they loved to sit in their “special” part of the park and talk about the dreams and goals they had for their future together.  Gabriel had told her everything about himself except for what went on during the short time he spent at college.  She’d never been able to get him to discuss that period of his life in depth until one night just before Christmas when they were wrapping presents on the living room floor.  Amy’s small black and white television was rarely on but on this particular evening she’d been watching one of her favorite holiday-themed movies out of the corner of her eye.  It was immediately followed by a telecast of a pro football game between the Packers and the 49ers.
         At one point Gabriel noticed what was on and cringed.  “Change the channel, Amy.  Or turn the damned thing off,” he snapped.
         Amy looked at him, over at the TV screen and then back at Gabriel.
         “You’re kidding.”
         “Please turn it off.”
         She reached over and flipped the switch.  The screen went dark.
         “You’re the first man I’ve ever known who didn’t stop everything for football.”
         “I hate it,” he mumbled, looking away from her.
         She knew him well enough by now to know that this was not some trivial pet peeve she’d inadvertently uncovered.  She got up, poured two glasses of wine and motioned for him to sit with her on the couch.
         “Tell me why that bothers you.  We said ‘no secrets,’ remember?”
         “Yeah,” he said.  He got up, joined her on the couch, took a big gulp of the wine and lit a cigarette.  A long minute passed before he spoke again.
         “It’s something I try not to talk about but it’s always eating away at my insides so I guess you have a right to know the truth.  It has nothing to do with you at all but you may want to reconsider being with me when you know what I’ve done.”
         “That won’t happen.  Maybe I can help you work through whatever it is.”
         He paused again, then nodded his head.
         “All right.  I told you I was Mr. Football Hero in high school.  That distinction became more important to me than anything else.  I ate, slept and breathed football.  And I was good.  Real good.  My coaches encouraged me to be ruthless on the field.  Develop a killer instinct.  Intimidate the enemy into submission.  Kick ‘em when they’re down.  That mindset was drilled into me on a daily basis.  So I tried my best to strike fear into the hearts of the opposing players.  I ran over them, elbowed them in the gut, kicked them and stepped on them whenever I could get away with it.  As far as I was concerned, whoever stood between me and the goal line had to be obliterated.  Winning was everything, no matter how it was achieved.”
         He sipped more wine and took a drag off his cigarette.  “Like I said, I was a star.  All-state three years running.  I got scholarship offers from colleges coast to coast but I’d always wanted to be a Volunteer at UT.  My being a freshman underdog was not going to deter me.  I was not going to be sitting on the bench, watching from the sidelines.  I was going to be a starter on the varsity team from day one.  Of course, all the other young hotshots had the same idea but the competition just made me meaner and more determined to shine.  I had my eyes set on an eventual career in the pros.”
         Gabriel took another gulp of wine and ran his fingers through his hair.  The images he was conjuring up inside his head while he spoke were disturbing.  He detested the person he was describing.  The one he used to be.  Amy put her hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently.  “Go on, baby.  Everything will be fine,” she said.  He shrugged.
         “After two weeks of grueling practice sessions we finally had our first scrimmage.  That’s where the coaches watch for the players who have the hottest fire burning in their bellies.  They’re looking for warriors, gladiators.  I’d been trying out for the halfback position all along but the senior starter was a beast.  He’d led the conference in rushing the year before and I was jealous as hell.  As fate would have it, that day they had me playing defense as a linebacker!  I knew that my only chance of landing the running back job depended on my rival not being able to play.  I was thinking about that when the ball was snapped and handed off to him.  He shook free of the first tackler and came barreling in my direction.  I couldn’t let him get past me.  He hit me at full speed and it felt like I got hit by a locomotive.  I was stunned and almost lost my grip on him.  He was still on his feet and roaring like a lion.
         With all my strength I reached for anything I could to keep him from getting away from me.  My hand grabbed something sturdy and I yanked on it as hard as I could.  It’s illegal to even touch a player’s facemask but it was do or die time as far as I was concerned.  I figured it’d be better to get chewed out for drawing a penalty than to be humiliated in front of the whole team by having to live with his leaving me sprawling in the dirt like a chump.”
         Gabriel let out a heavy sigh.
         “He landed on the ground real hard and the ball came loose.  They threw a flag, of course, and one of the coaches was screaming bloody murder but I didn’t care.  All that mattered was that I had won the battle.  I’d stopped him in his tracks.  I got up and walked away but he just laid there.  I turned and looked at him, expecting him to sit up and shake it off but he didn’t move a muscle.  A trainer brushed by me and knelt down beside him.  The coaches and players gathered around.  He was still as a stone.”
         Gabriel’s voice began to waver.  He rubbed his hands together.
         “I stood there staring at him for I don’t know how long, then began to move towards him.  One of the coaches looked up at me and the look on his face froze me on the spot.  Something was wrong.  Terribly wrong.  The trainer sent one of the players running off towards the athletic building situated next to the field.  I knelt down near the young man lying on the ground.  I think I might’ve touched his hand.  I heard the trainer say something about his neck being broken.  Then he looked right at me and said, ‘Oh, Lord.  I think he’s dead.’”
         Amy gasped and put her hand to her mouth.  Gabriel shuddered but held back his tears.
         “I went into shock, I guess.  I somehow got up and walked to the locker room and changed my clothes in a state of confusion.  I didn’t even go back to my dorm room.  I just started walking.  I really can’t remember much about the next few days but I do know that my only desire was to drop out of sight and never be seen again.  Every time I closed my eyes I could see that guy’s lifeless body sprawled out on the turf.  I couldn’t handle what I’d done.  I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.”
         Gabriel paused for a moment, staring into space.  “Everything I thought I knew about my existence on this planet dissipated in that horrible instant when I realized I had taken an innocent man’s life.  It was as if a plug had been pulled from the bottom of my heel and everything I thought I was and was going to be drained right out of me.  My dreams, my aspirations, my yearning for recognition, my pride all evaporated in a split second of time and I was empty.  Not good, not bad, just empty.  Hollow.  A shell without a soul.  In my opinion there was nothing left in me that was worth a damn.  I started living the life of a drifter because I couldn’t stand to be in one place for very long.  Anywhere else had to be better than where I was.  At one point I wrote a letter to my folks but I don’t even know if I mailed it or not.  I knew I could never look them in the eyes again and I wanted them to consider me dead and gone.  I still feel that way.  It’s the only way I can go on.”
         He leaned back and looked over at an ashen Amy.
         “Bet you didn’t know you were living with a murderer, did you?”
         A tear rolled down her cheek.  She took his hands in hers.
         “That was a long time ago, Gabe.  A long time ago.  It was an accident.  You didn’t mean to kill anyone.”
         “Sometimes I wonder.”
         “I never will.  I know you, Gabe.  You’re a good man with a good heart.  I’m glad you opened up to me but it doesn’t change a thing about how I feel about you.  The past is unchangeable and we all learn hard lessons in life.  We have each other and that’s all that matters.  I love you and I always will.”
         Gabriel gazed into sympathetic eyes that were full of compassion and understanding.  He laid down with his head resting on her lap and cried for the first time since walking off that practice field.  The flood gates opened wide.