I Lied

"Hello babe, its been awhile I know. I'm sorry it took so long for me to come back, more sorry than I can say."   

    As I said these words I sat down hard on the ground. I steadied myself to keep from falling over as the Jack Daniels swept through my system. As I looked up at the moon I realized it was full, and the candle I lit was a feeble light compared to her brilliance.

    "I've come to say a few things, seems silly now, but I must get this off my chest." 

    By then, my words were whispered and low as only a lover could hear. I sat there without thought for a few minutes, watching as the light breeze played with the candle's flame. Such a warm night to be on such a cold mission, a mission of confession. I sighed a bitter sigh, and cast about for the words I wanted to say. What did it matter now anyway? I continued, it was what I had come there for.

    "Remember hon, the day I left? Of course you do, that was a dumb question. I'm sure you remember my reason for leaving too don't you? Or should I say, my excuses?" 

    I thought this would be easy, but it was turning out to be just a jumble of words in my mind. Probably should have waited to drink the JD until after, but I needed the strength it gave.

    "Jesse? I lied that day, I lied. There was no one else in my life. No new love, no new man. I could not tell you the truth because I knew you would not accept it."

    Tears rolled slowly down my cheeks as I spoke, the memory almost too much to bear. I took another long swig from the half empty bottle of JD, and looked around me again. So silent here with only a light touch of a warm August breath against my wet cheeks.

    "You see Jess, I loved you then as I love you now. I know..I know, a little late for that, but I need you to know it all. This really won't take very long I think."

    I looked down at my clasped hands and could see the white of my knuckles, so tight were they gripped. Dizziness was setting in now, and really, I could not blame that on the alcohol. I lay flat on my stomach, stretched out on the hard ground, and closed my eyes.

    "She needed you more than I did Jess. She was so lost and the world was such a cruel place. Emily loved you since 5th grade you know, or maybe you didn't know, but I knew. I knew and still I fell in love with you. How bad does that make me? I was always the stronger of the two of us, and I almost took away the one thing that kept her alive, you."

    The night got darker suddenly even though the moon was just as bright as ever. Time escaped me too quickly.

    "She called me the night you asked her to marry you, did she tell you? She was so excited so in love, and sad when I told her I could not make it to the wedding. I told her I would be out of the country, but I was not. I actually parked outside the church. I watched as you both came running out to get into the car to start your honeymoon. Both of you were so radiant, so happy, I cried."

    My words started to slur as I lay with my head cradled on my arm.

    "You see now that I did the right thing, don't you Jess? The night you died, she died too. She could not live without you, my poor poor Emily. They buried you together, as it should be, side by side for ever."

    I watched a dark wet patch on the grave as it slowly grew bigger. Look at that, it is in the shape of an animal, how cool is that?

    "Now for the end of my lie Jess. It turns out, I was not any stronger than she."