Sincerely, The Ashamed.(Part One)

People judge me for the way I choose to live my life. Alone and secluded. The only times I leave my home are when I need to go get food, and to check my mail. I work solely through the internet, as I can't interact with human beings anymore. The urge has become far too strong. There are rumors going around about me, I know that. Honestly, they seem far-fetched, but they're no where near the truth. That's the sad part, and also why I cannot leave my house hold. I receive letters day in and out asking me why I never communicate with my neighbors, and why I haven't responded to their hundreds of pleading letters. Well, I think it's time for me to tell you why. I'm writing this to one neighbor specifically, she signed her letter Katrina but I'm sure everyone in the entire city will end up reading this, so I might as well act as if I'm speaking in front of a crowd. Why am I finally responding after years of ignoring and throwing out the mail? Well, her letter was pretty intriguing to say the least, plus I figure I have nothing better to do I might as well tell you guys why I live like this and you'll probably leave me alone after all. After this is out, I'm expecting fully to leave my house in handcuffs. I'm ready for it, it's better than living like I do now anyway.

It all started when I was a young child. My father left after I was born, he realized it was hard work raising a child and didn't want any part of it. My mom did her fair share of taking care of me, but she fell into a deep depression. When I was about the age of six, she came home happy every day. I really thought things were going to change for the better for her. I hoped at least, I couldn't bare to see her like that anymore. She started bringing around this new guy the reason for her new found happiness, I got a weird vibe off of him but I loved him for being able to give her that happiness she lost when my dad left us. He wasn't what I thought I'd get out of a step dad, but what was I to expect? I shouldn't have expected a guy to burst in and fix everything, giving my mom happiness and giving me the perfect father figure. They were together for quite a while and everything was perfect at first. He moved in, and everything just spiraled down in my life. My mom started acting worse than she did when she was super depressed. She would come home from work and just go straight to her room, not even acknowledge my existence. There would be weird smells, and clouds of smoke coming from their room and then everything would just go wrong. I would hear yelling throughout the house of them fighting, she'd come out with blood on her face, and hit me. She'd never hit me before and there I was, about seven at the time being hit. I didn't know what I did so wrong, so I'd just run and hide for the night. I then learned to just hide before she even got home, I knew there wasn't going to be dinner for me anyway.

We lost our electricity and running water. They wouldn't let me go to school because I couldn't bathe and I was losing weight rapidly, they didn't want the teachers to question anything. I would just sit at home, hoping my old mom would come back and bring me food. I was so hungry. You don't know hunger until you have to go around the yard looking for some kind of plant to eat.. I'm telling you. I would get my water from the neighbors hose, and try to find something to eat from the yard, some nights I would only eat grass. I knew I had to change something before I died of starvation. I ended up stealing from stores and peoples houses, since I was so young they didn't get the police involved when I got caught, just call my mom. The first night I got caught stealing, my mom nearly broke my nose she hit me so hard and she told me to never, ever get caught again because then they'd come to the house and take me away. I was so scared, but I needed it to survive. I wasn't sure what to do. Then, it literally was like a light bulb lit up in my brain. I knew what I had to do. I had to kill for my resources.