Where is it? Where the hell is it? I need to find my purse. They have no right to hide my personal belongings. I’ve searched this damn room from top to bottom and I still can’t find my purse. That’s where I keep them. I always keep them in my purse. That way I have access to them at all times. I never know when I might need them. Pain can come at any given moment. As a matter of fact, that pain is here right now. So I really need my purse right now. Where is it?…
“…..Miss Regina, you have visitors.” It’s the doctor. And he brought Sissy and Miss Thang with him. I hate what I’ve put them through. It’s not fair. They don’t deserve this. Hey… I wonder if they know where my purse is.
“Regina, how are you feeling? God you scared us half to death.”
“I’m fine Sissy. I feel a lot better now. And I’m sorry I put you through this. I really am.”
Sissy and Miss Thang both throw their arms around me and we all embrace. What a wonderful little family I have.
“Hey, where’s Baby Girl?”
“Don’t worry she’s with her father. She’s fine.”
“Oh ok…good. Uh Doctor, where’s my purse? I can’t find it anywhere.”
“I haven’t seen your purse Regina.”
“Well can you ask one of your nurses? They may have put it up somewhere. I can’t find it anywhere in the room and I really need to find it.”
“I have your purse Regina. It’s in the car.”
“Oh good Sissy. Can you go get it for me?”
“You want me to go all the way downstairs and to the parking lot and then back up here to give you your purse?”
“Yes, please I really need it.”
“What is so important?”
“Sissy!!! Just go and get it please!!! I need something out of my purse.”
“Is it your aspirin? Is your tooth hurting again?”
Damn. I guess my secret isn’t a secret anymore.
“Yeah, I have a toothache and I need my…”
“Hell no!!! I’m not getting you a damn thing. That’s the reason why you’re in here. Pill popping. After all you just went through you still haven’t learned your lesson. What’s wrong with you?!!!”
“Sissy, I don’t need to hear this right now!! I’m not in the fucking mood!! Just go get my damn…”
“No, Regina you do need to hear this. You’re not stable. Who in their right mind overdoses on aspirin to relieve a toothache? Only you Regina. Who in their right mind would be hospitalized for overdosing on aspirin and then turn around and ask for more aspirin? Only you Regina. You need to get your shit together. What kind of example are you setting for daughters? As my older sister I thought you would have more sense than…”
“SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I don’t’ want to hear another word from you. You uppity bitch. Look at you standing there in your expensive business suit and fancy heels prancing all over the damn place like your fuckin Ms. It. Waving your college degree around in everybody’s face. ‘Look at me. Look at what I did.’ I have dreams too you know. I could have done the same thing you did. But I didn’t. And you just love to remind me of that don’t you? Yeah I had the same opportunities you had, but I let them pass me by. Now I’m stuck. So excuse me if I don’t feel like hearing your high and mighty bullshit. Excuse me if I don’t wanna listen to you brag about your wonderful life and career and how I’m just a fuck up. I don’t need you to remind me that I’m a loser. I know that. I’ve always known that. So just shut up ok.”
There. I said it. I finally said what’s been on my mind for months now. Too bad I don’t feel any better. As a matter of fact I’m starting to feel worse. I can feel myself about to break down. My cup runneth over…..
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