Into The Light

INTO THE LIGHT

Jess struck a pose, lifting his fist in the air and dropping his head back to look at the sky.  Concentration wrinkles etched deeply into his forehead as he closed his eyes and grimaced, urging himself outward.  The time was now, while the desire surged like a living thing, unmuddled with second thoughts.  He tried to take the step into the void but could not move.

         "DAMN them!"  He cried aloud to the empty wilderness around him.  "DAMN them all!"  The words were rushed away on the edge of a breeze before splashing on the canyon walls and rippling in echo back to him.  A tear broke free from the corner of his eye and skimmed down his cheek, dropping to the shoulder of the stiff white robe he wore.

         Bringing his arm down to his side, Jess turned sharply from the cliff edge.  There was no second chance, at least today.  Eyes still closed he walked back down the path worn through the underbrush.  He knew every stone, root and irregularity along the way, having traveled this path each and every day since the incident, three years ago.  The tears came quickly now that he was heading back to the cabin.  "I'm sorry Beth, I'm sorry Amy.  I will find you."  The whispered litany repeated over and over again with each rapid step.

         Marilyn came flying out of the back door as he broke through the trees into the clearing, "Oh Jess, thank God, thank God," she sobbed, stumbling towards him with her arms outstretched.  "When you didn't come back sooner I started getting worried that you had actually jumped off the cliff this time."

         Jess stopped dead in his tracks.  His eyes taking in the limousine parked around front and the chauffeur standing beside it.  "What the hell are you doing here?  I thought I told you to stay away from here, away from me."  His sorrow quickly transformed into anger, now that he had something other than himself at which to direct it.  "Get away from me, Marilyn."

         His obvious wrath halted Marilyn just steps from throwing her arms around him.  "Jess, you're my brother.  I know you're hurting and I want to do everything I can to help you.  I love you, Jess."

         Bullshit, Marilyn.  You love the money, not me.  If it wasn't for the money you wouldn't give a damn and you know it."  He spit out the words, knowing it was only half-true, that part of his anger still settled squarely on his own shoulders.  From the stung look in her eyes he knew he'd hit a chink in her usual armor.  "Damn, Lynnie, can't you leave me alone?"  He pushed the anger aside.  Despite her faults she still was his sister.

         His partial relenting restored some of Marilyn's poise.  "Don't be such a bastard, Jess."  She dropped her pose of the completely devoted and loving sister, as her chauffeur had already witnessed that show of devotion, "Or such a schmuck either.  You know it's more than the money, although that does have a lot to do with my concern.  It's been three years, they're gone and  you're not going to find them out here.  You're holding on to a fairy tale, Jess, a science fiction fantasy brought on by the stress of their disappearance.  Snap out of it and get back to the real world."  Marilyn pulled a golden cigarette case out of her purse and paused a moment to extract a long slim cigarette and lighter.

         "I've read that report too, Marilyn..."

         "Can't we go inside and talk, or at least sit on the porch?"  She continued as if he hadn't started speaking.  Marilyn lit the cigarette.  Taking a deep drag and replacing the slender gold Gucci lighter, she blew out a large cloud of smoke and smiled a most insincerely sweet smile.

         Jess bunched his hands into fists, the anger coming back as Marilyn tossed aside his pain with the psycho crap the so called doctors had been telling him since the night they were taken.  "Marilyn, I think you better leave, you're just going to tick me off more."

         "I think I can handle that, brother dear.  I've got some news for you too, so come, let's sit, these shoes aren't made for this terrain."  Saying that she pulled one spike heel out of the soft turf, then the other and turned her back on him.  Another whitish cloud of smoke billowed from her lips and trailed behind her as she headed for the house.

         Taking a deep breath, away from the harsh cigarette smoke, Jess let it out with a heavy sigh, clearing his head of the morning's anguish and anger.  He watched his older sibling make her way back to the cabin.  Jess knew, after years of dealing with her, the quickest way to get rid of Lynnie would be to let her have her say and then she'd leave.  Taking another deep cleansing breath he started after her, wishing she would just go away and leave him alone so he could get on with his personal quest.

***

         Amy had turned three that year, and they celebrated with a trip to the mountain cabin, their getaway home.  Summer was growing quickly into autumn the weekend they left the city.  Little blond, bright-eyed Amy laughed with joy at the trip up into the hills with all the delightful colors in the trees.  They played the game of spotting the cows, ooohed and ahhhhed over the panoramic vistas that opened now and then along the way, and sang silly songs that kept them all giggling.

         "Amy's asleep, finally."  Turning back around, Beth slumped into the passenger seat with a sigh.  "I just don't know where she gets all that energy"

         "And why we can't bottle and patent it," they said in unison, dissolving into quiet laughter.

         "I'm so happy you took the extra days off, Jess.  We needed to get out of that city.  You needed to get out of that city.  Close your mouth, I know what you're going to say, and you know I'm right.  John Maddigan and Arnie Holmes can handle things while you're away and you know it."

         He closed his mouth then smiled broadly at her.  "You are so right, I needed to get away."  He checked Amy in the rear view mirror; "I was beginning to miss my little angel, too.  She always seemed to be asleep when I got home."

         "I made sure to show her your picture on occasion."  The mock serious tone brought a laugh from both.  "Oh Jess this will be so much fun.  We both miss you so when you are working on new projects.  I see that anxious look in your eye, and you know you've got your cell phone so you can keep in touch, but we're going to hold you to your promise of only an hour a day."

         "Reading my  mind now are you?"

         "Of course, I'm your wife."  Smiling smugly she put her hand on his thigh and squeezed gently.

         "You were and you are completely correct that I needed to get away from the city and be with my favorite girls."

         "I love you so much, Jester Michael Flynn."

         "And I you, Elizabeth Amy Flynn."  Taking one hand from the wheel he held hers tightly.

         Amy giggled from the back seat, "I wuv you too," she said.

         "Hey, we thought you were sleeping you little minx..."

         "Sweepin',"  she squeeled, closing her eyes tightly and feigning sleep, but only temporarily, as giggles won out.

         The rest of the trip passed in more songs and laughter till they were hoarse.  "I'm unbuckled." Amy yelled as Jess turned off the car in front of the quaint looking log cabin.  She scrambled over the seat and into Beth's lap, almost kicking Jess in the head as her feet came flipping by him.

         "Easy there monkey girl.  Let us get out first okay.  Beth, where's all this energy coming from, shouldn't she be tired?"

         "She obviously napped more than she let on.  Either that or it's having Daddy around."  Beth laughed as Amy was pushing her out the door.  "Hey, no running off, you stay right here.  You want to be a big help and carry in your suitcase?"

         "Yeah yeah!" Amy jumped up and down beside the car.  "I help.  Carry my soocase."

         Jess opened the trunk and handed Amy her little carry case, grabbed the large suitcase he shared with Beth and put it on the ground, handling Beth the leash.  "Your suitcase pooch m'lady."  He said with a bow.

         "Thank you kind sir."  Beth said with a little curtsey as she took the leash.  "Come along, Spot."

         Amy stood next to the car giggling at her Mommy and Daddy playing and laughed at her Mommy leading the suitcase like a dog.  Beth headed into the cabin with Amy following as Jess turned to get the big hamper and cooler.

         "JESS!  Come here quickly.  Something's wrong here."  Beth shouted from inside the house.

         "DADDY!" screamed Amy, fear evident in the sound.

         "NO!" Beth screamed in fear, her voice rising an octave and cracking at the end.  "NO!  NOT NOW!"  Her fear seemed to be turning to anger with that last.  "JESSSSsss!"

         Jess had already dropped the hamper and cooler and was running toward the open door.  A burst of light stopped him as he entered the house and a deep voice filled his head.  "Not you." It said in a tone that was matter of fact.  At the same time he felt himself almost casually pushed strongly into the wall.

         Jess clambered to his feet, determined to get to his family.  There were spots in his vision because of the burst of light.  "BETH?  AMY?  Where are you?  I can't see you."  He shouted.  "What's happening here?"  BETH?  BETH?  AMY?"

         There was no response, no movement, no sound.  He couldn't see clearly and stumbled over Amy's carry case dropped in the hallway and fell into the suitcase that Beth had lead inside.  "BETH?  AMY?  Where are you?  ANSWER ME!"

         Silence filled the cabin, deafening silence.  His eyes adjusted slowly to the normal light, but there was no one to see.  Beth and Amy were gone.  He scrambled up and went into each room calling them.  They were nowhere inside.  He ran out the back door and toward the woods screaming their names.  He found nothing, no trace, and no sign.  "Oh my god oh my god ohmygod ohmygod...WHERE ARE YOU BETH?  WHERE ARE YOU AMY?  DAMNIT ANSWER ME!"  Adrenaline pumped through him in massive quantities, he was on the edge of madness.  "Something's not right, something's very queer.  What's going on?  What's happening here?  Where are they?  Ohmygod oh my god.  I need help.  Gotta get help...they've got to be here somewhere...the cliff?  Oh shit...the cliff...BETH?  AMY?"  He ran to the woods and found the little used path.  Charging down the path he kept tripping and stumbling over roots and rocks.  "BETH?  AMY?  Are you out here?  Where are you?  Crying out their names he broke through to the cleared area near the cliff.  He ran to the rock wall along the edge and looked over.  There was nothing to see, just bare walls and the canyon yawning open emptily before him.  "BETH?  AMY?"  He shouted again, only this time the canyon echoed it back to him.

         He dropped to the ground breathing hard.  Gotta get help...oh God where are they?"  He put his head in his hands and when he opened his eyes he saw his cell phone in his pocket.  Pulling it out he dialed 9 1 1...

***

         "Alright Marilyn, speak your piece.  Then I want you off my property."

         "Patience little brother..."

         "You just don't get it, do you Marilyn?"  Jess interrupted her.

         "No Jess...it's you that doesn't get it."  She emphasized her words by poking towards him with the cigarette in her hand.  "It's time to stop acting the madman and come back to the city.  I'm only out here trying one last time to give you the benefit of the doubt.  I'm going to lay it on the line for you Jess.  You've been acting strangely far too long.  You need help.  If you haven't gotten your act together by Monday, you're going to St. Elizabeth's.  There's a judge just waiting for the word to sign the commitment papers."

         Staring at his sister in astonishment, Jess couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Oh my god Marilyn, I knew you were greedy, and I knew you were selfish, but this is ridiculous.  You can't do this to me.  I won't let you get away with it.  Don't you care about getting Beth and Amy back?  Don't you want them home?"

         Stubbing out her cigarette on the railing and flicking it out into the yard, Marilyn turned to look directly into Jess' eyes.  Blue steel met blue steel as Marilyn stood and picked up her purse off the swing.  "I don't know what happened to them Jess, I don't know why Beth ran off with Amy.  I don't know what you did to them to make them run away and I don't want to know.  But you're just acting crazy with this fool claim of yours.  Get your act together little brother and there won't be a problem.  In the mean time the business is not growing and expanding and I don't mean to let my major source of income fall by the wayside because you can't let go of your fantasies.  Let it go Jess, come home and there won't be any need for Judge Wicker to sign those papers."  Turning away from him, Marilyn went through the house to the front door, leaving Jess standing on the back porch, his eyes following her.

         "GO TO HELL MARILYN!  You think this is some kind of game I'm playing?  You think I'm waiting to have them found legally dead or something equally heinous?  What goes on in that foul head of yours?  CHRIST Marilyn that's crazier than my story...and I know my story sounds crazy.  If you won't believe me, if you won't help me, then just GO TO HELL!"

         "I'm betting you'll stay right here, and continue to act crazy...I'll get what I want Jess, but I doubt you'll get what you want."  With that she closed the door and walked to her waiting limousine.  The chauffeur held the door for her then walked around and got in the driver's seat.

         "Everything go well madam?"

         "None of your damn business Marcel, just drive."  She lit another cigarette and a wicked grin curled her lips.  Jess would not leave the mountains this weekend, it being the anniversary of Beth and Amy's disappearance.

***

         At first they thought Jess had done something with his beautiful wife and child.  They thought he was trying to cover it up with his tale of lights and voices and nothingness.  They questioned him for hours while they sent out search and rescue teams with dogs looking for Beth and Amy.  There was no sign of them found anywhere within several miles so they stopped, finally believing that Beth had run from him, taking Amy with her.  They told him to check with Beth's parents or friends, that she was probably staying with one of them.

         "Please listen to me, please, you have to get the air force, the military, NASA in on this.  Aliens or something have abducted my wife and child.  I saw it happen."

         "You said you were blinded by a bright light, that you didn't actually see anything.  You just heard a voice that said, 'Not you', isn't that what you said Mr. Flynn?"  The detective was nearing the end of his patience.  He was truly tired of the crazies he had to deal with in the small berg.  "Mr. Flynn, go home.  Your wife will probably contact you eventually.  If not, there really isn't anything we can do.  She's an adult and she can leave you if she wants.  If you were divorced and had full custody you could file kidnap charges, but..."  He trailed off.  "I'm sorry about your daughter, but again, there's nothing I can do."

         Head in his hands Jess knew that there was no help here.  He would have to find them himself.  He hadn't a clue how to do that, but he was determined.  He gathered himself together.  "Thanks for nothing, Detective Arnold."  Exiting the small police station he started walking back up the mountain toward his cabin.  No one had offered him a ride home though they had carted him down.

         "Ho there Mr. Flynn!"  A perky old gentleman waved to him from a battered pick-up truck.  "Heard about the happening up to your place, need a ride home and a friendly ear?"

         "It's not that far...oh what the hell...thanks Mr..."

         "Joe, just call me Joe.  Climb on in Mr. Flynn.  I'll get you back up to yer place in a jiffy."  As he stepped on the gas and the truck lurched on up the road he leaned toward Jess, "Tell me, did you see 'em?"  Joe asked in a conspiratorial whisper.

         "Jess, you can call me Jess.  Are you mocking me, Joe?  I'm too worn out to tell for sure.  If you're mocking me, just stop this damn truck and let me out now.  I can't take it any more."

         "Hell no, Jess, I ain't mocking you.  I've seen them lights before.  Honest I have.  Musta been back in '65 or '66.  My memory ain't what it usta be.  But I remember seeing lights like you described.  Down in the canyon.  Yep...that's where it was...down in the canyon."  Joe stared off in the distance, lost momentarily in the memory of exactly what he had seen at the time.  "So I ain't mocking you, no how."

         "You've seen them too"?  Jess was stunned.  Hours of basically being told he was a candidate for either the electric chair or the loony bin had made him start to think that maybe he was nuts.  "What did you see, Joe?"

         Joe stared intently at the road as they neared Jess' cabin.  "Just them lights, Jess, just them there lights with nothing down in that canyon that could make them.  Weren't nobody living down there, no campers neither.  So there's be no earthly reason for the light down there."  Pausing a minute in thought, Joe got a quizzical look on his face.  "Funny too, cuz I seem to recall there was a girl showed up at my door the very next morning looking for something to eat and directions to the nearest town.  Very strange girl, pretty long black hair, beautiful eyes, but strange.  Can't put my finger on it though.  Been a while.  Never did see her again nor figure out where she came from."  He chuckled a bit.  "Still, I saw the lights Jess, you're not alone.  Here we are."  Stopping the truck with another lurch, Joe held out his hand to Jess.

         "Thanks Joe."  Jess shook his hand, got out, and slammed the door shut holding onto the open window frame.  "Joe, I appreciate the sympathetic ear."

         "Sure thing Jess, sure thing.  I'll be seein' ya."

         Jess turned to the cabin wondering if he could enter.  Wanting to believe that Beth and Amy would be there waiting for him and knowing that they were not.  Hesitating, he walked in the door and found Amy's carry case and the suitcase right where he had tripped over them in his haste to get inside.  He picked up the carry case and cradled it to his chest.  Sitting on the floor against the wall he started to sob, letting out all of the frustrations of the last twelve hours.

         In the extremity of his exhaustion and sorrow, he reached out with his soul, searching for his missing wife and child, wanting them so terribly that he escaped the bounds of his flesh and blood body.  Suddenly they were there, a distant feeling but he was sure it was Beth and Amy.  Then just as suddenly the feeling was gone, cut off like a light switch.  He felt himself slammed back into his body, as if he had been thrown from a great distance with incredible force.  He was dazed but he felt renewed.  They were alive and he knew he could reach them if he could only figure out what he had just done to achieve that brief moment of contact.  That very night he started keeping a journal of each of his attempts.

***

         "Three years, three long years." He whispered to himself.  Jess stood on the back porch listening to the sound of the limousine driving away.  He wasn't about to give up.  He would find them.  Marilyn was definitely too much to deal with on an empty stomach. Jess started to smile to himself while fixing a sandwich, thinking about what Marilyn was trying to do.  Little did she realize that he had prepared for this eventuality.

         He hadn't trusted Marilyn since they were children and she had stolen his favorite toys and meager savings.  Attempting to have him committed to any psychiatric facility was covered under an agreement he had worked out with his lawyers and his second in command at the office.  Jess' smile grew larger as he thought about that agreement.  Laughing again he thought it would almost be worth it to be committed, if only momentarily.

         Taking a large bite of his tuna, Swiss cheese and green pea sandwich, Jess went to his study and began writing in his journal about his morning's attempt at the cliff edge.  Before the day was done he would read through the entire thing once again looking for more clues on how to find his missing loved ones.  Studying again and again each time he had been certain that he had felt Amy's presence.

         Once again at the cliff's edge, Jess struck a pose, lifting his fist in the air and dropping his head back to look at the sky, willing to fight the cosmos to bring his loved ones home.  The concentration wrinkles once again etched deeply into his forehead as he closed his eyes and grimaced, urging his essence forward.  There was no going back this time...no holding back.

         He took a deep breath, thinking about Beth and Amy, laughing, smiling and singing in the car on the trip up the mountain three years before.  Then he moved, folding himself to the ground into a lotus seat.  Taking all the concentrated energy he had worked up he flung it into the void, his spirit flying out and over the edge of the cliff then up, up into the sky, questing as he broadened his search.  Deeper into the unknown he flew, toward the beckoning stars.  His soul crying out for Beth and Amy.

         There...a spark...a feeling, he strove toward it...yes...Beth, this time, he was sure of it.  Stronger than any of the impressions he had felt of Amy over the years.  A sudden wrenching snap and he felt himself flung backwards, plummeting at light speed he landed with a crash into his body, almost toppling over.  He crumpled, screaming in anguish.  He had felt Beth, he was positive.  Sobbing with exhaustion, Jess didn't move.  He sat with his head in his hands, his whole body shaking in reaction to the effort he had put forth and the devastation of feeling so close and losing them again.

         He didn't see the bright flash when it happened this time.  But suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder...a child's small hand.  "Daddy?  Daddy, are you alright?  Daddy?"

         Jess opened his eyes and saw two petite bare feet standing before him.  He looked up with wonder in his eyes.  "Amy?  Is that you?"  His voice broke as he looked at this perfect little child with Beth's long raven hair and his steel blue eyes.  He struggled to his knees and put his hands on her shoulders, "Is it really you Amy?"

         "Yes Daddy...I had to come back to you.  I missed you so much."  Amy flung her arms around his neck and Jess held her tightly, sobbing into her shoulder.

         "I knew you were alive, I knew it.  Oh baby, my sweet baby..." he pushed back from her, keeping his hands on her shoulders as he looked at her.  "You're so grown up...where's your mother...where have you been...are you really here or am I truly going crazy?  Oh so many question."  He pulled her to him again for another tight hug.  Holding her away from him again, he wiped the tears from his eyes only to have them replaced with more tears.  There was no stopping them once they started.  Amy's eyes were filled as well and the trails down her cheeks were glistening.

         "Oh Daddy, I'm so sorry you had to be put through this.  It wasn't fair.  I kept telling Pop-o that it wasn't fair to you.  You didn't have any idea.  It wasn't much fair to me either.  I've missed you so much."  She threw her arms around his neck again and held him tighter.

         Another flare of bright light and Beth stood there.  Standing at her side with a stern expression was a large old bald man.  Ignoring him, she ran to Jess and Amy, falling to her knees she wrapped them both in her arms and added her tears to theirs.  Amy disentangled herself and stood to glare at the bald man.  "I told you Pop-o, it wasn't fair to any of us.  It was a crummy thing to do taking us away and leaving him here."

         "You shouldn't have kept feeding his need Amy, if you hadn't continued reaching out to him he would have forgotten in time, grieved and gone on with his life, as he should have.  You, too, would have adjusted properly and not maintained fascination with Earth.  Will you be satisfied now that you have seen him again?  Can we go home and get back to our life?"

         "Pop-o, you're not seeing what's happening here are you?  Mom's happy again with Daddy.  I'm happy with Daddy...he is my father, you know.  If you're unhappy, then you'll have to live with it.  We are not leaving him again."

         Heaving a heavy sigh, the one called Pop-o looked at Amy.  "You're mighty sassy for your six years?  Is that a product of being half earthling?"  When Amy didn't budge, he relented.  "Alright, we'll take him home with us, IF he'll go.  I'll not spend any more time here than we have to convincing him to join us.  Go on, convince him."

         "Daddy...?"

         Jess had overheard what was being said and in the midst of his joy jumped up "No convincing necessary, I'll come with you.  Where ever you go, Beth and Amy, I'll follow."  He smiled lovingly at the women he loved beyond all else, wrapping one arm around each of them.

         "There's no coming back you understand?"  Pop-o gave Jess a stern look, "Once you have joined us that's it...no second thoughts.  Be sure it's what you want.  There's no time to get your affairs here in order, if you're coming with us you will come now.  I don't like being here any longer than we must."

         "I understand completely.  I want to be with Beth and Amy and I will go where they go.  I don't ever want to be alone again."

         With that Pop-o brought out a cylinder and snapped it open.  He held out his hands.  "Join us then."  Beth and Amy each took one of Pop-o's hands and one of Jess' and in a flash of bright light, they were gone.