Probably Wouldn't Be This Way

“Sometimes I wish I had never met you!” The last words I had screamed at my boyfriend rang in my head as I pulled into the driveway of the home that we shared. We argued about whose family to spend Christmas with. Normally I would back down and we would go to midnight Mass at his parents. This time though it was different because my brother had just been killed in a horrific accident and I needed to be with my parents.

There was a large box on the porch, probably a present for Brian. His extended family didn’t come to visit often but they were always very generous with gifts. I picked the box up and took it inside, setting it down. The sight of my name on the envelope caught my attention, I eyed the package suspiciously. Who would send me something?

Who would send me something? The card was blank except for the typed message: “Be careful what you wish for!” Curious, I unwrapped the gift. When I opened the flaps of the box, there was a blast that threw me back and knocked me unconscious.

When I came to, something was different. I was still in my house but the atmosphere was different, it was smokier. I had to figure out who would send me a bomb. It made no sense, I never angered anyone other than Brian but even at our worst, we still loved each other. There was no way that he would want me dead.

“Hey Sis,” My blood ran cold. Being thrown backwards and hitting my head on the wall must have caused more damage than what I thought, because standing in front of me was my dead brother. “Don’t look so shocked to see me, who do you always turn to in your time of need? It’s a big brother’s job to take care of his sister.”

“How is this possible? What happened?” A chill ran through my body. “You’re dead. You can’t be here!”

“In this reality, anything is possible. Brian is dating a girl from his church, you live in the house alone. And most importantly you can always count on me. Come here, come with me,” He held out his hand to me. I stood up and followed him to the bathroom. When I caught my reflection in the mirror, I was surprised that my hair was not styled as it normally was. Instead it was matted and sticking up in different directions. Instinctively I tried to smooth it down to look less crazy. “Honey, this is your style in this reality. You haven’t had the easiest life but you get through each day.”

Something in the pit of my stomach was feeling unsettled. All of the sci-fi talk about another reality was strange to me. My brother being next to me felt right but also a little bit weird. Then the light bulb went off, clearly I was having a Christmas Carol-esque dream and soon I would wake up. “So when do I get to see the present? The future? That’s what this is right?”

“No, Sis. This is your new life, this is what you wanted. I know that you want this to just be some sort of dream, but your story changed when you opened that box.” There was something about his words that shook me to my core. I didn’t want this to be my new normal, I wanted my old life back. “Going back and forth between realities isn’t an option. You made a choice that was based on momentary frustration and this is the result of the wish.”

“I’m hungry. What have we got to eat in this house?” The fridge was completely empty, so I grabbed my car keys. I slid into the driver’s seat. We drove to the grocery store in silence. As we walked through the store, I finally gathered up the courage to ask.

“What happened with the box? Why was I transported to this new reality?”

“This is what you wanted. In your heart you were so terribly frustrated with Brian that you couldn’t get over what you thought was selfish.”

“But why do I still have our memories? Why can I still taste his lips on mine?” I turned my head when I heard some of the women behind me muttering. One of them kept shaking her head and whispering ‘Crazy’.

I pushed the cart really fast down the aisle and hoped that my brother would keep up with me. When I turned around, he was gone. He must have gone to another aisle. Then I heard his voice again. “Some things are tentpoles in our lives. My death is one of those things. I’m always around when you want to talk.”

Big tears dropped down my face. The pain of losing my rock again was too much for me to handle. Before I could collapse on the floor in a big heap like I wanted to, I felt a pair of strong hands on my back. I turned to see Brian. “Hey, don’t let those women bother you. I know what it’s like to grieve for someone you love during the holiday season.”

“Who did you lose?” My voice cracked as the words escaped my mouth.

“My Grandma. She practically raised me because my parents were busy doing drugs and being young when I was born. After she died, my dad got sober and went to school to become a minister.” He smiled at me, and then drew me closer to him. “I still talk to her sometimes too. I just learned not to do it in public.”

“Thanks. I just don’t know how to deal with my brother’s death. He was my rock.”

“Maybe someone else can be your rock. Maybe this isn’t the right time, but would you want to maybe go out sometime?”

“Yes, of course.” Maybe my brother was right, some things were tentpoles in any reality.