A little rambling on trying to move on. |
I cannot find the words to speak to you. Perhaps I know you would not hear them. They echo in my heart. A heart you used to read so well, as though it beat in sync with yours. But the beat has slipped and the rhythm has changed. A hollow thud now sounds in my chest. A space haunted by jaded memories and desperate flashes of a hope dashed. I always said one day I would walk alone but I hoped that I was wrong. I was, but not about my fate, about you. I put my faith in the wrong place, in the wrong soul. I should have given myself all the love i gave you, it is what I deserved. Did you not see that? I underestimated my worth, I overestimated your love. And you will never see what you have left behind. You will walk on. I hope, deep in my heart, that you walk happy and head held high. To make up for my down cast spirits and broken feelings. I will survive, I always do. There will be new hopes and new chances. New fates and new people to fill my days and desires. But they will have a fight on their hands. To break through the wall that I built with the shattered remains you left of me. Did you not see it over your shoulder as you left? I never told you of the pain, I never wanted you to know such a thing. But pain doesn't last forever, right? Wounds heal and the scars fade, til they represent a distant memory. I wonder if I will look at you differently when you are a distant memory. I wonder if I will cast the promises that you made and broke in a different light. I wonder if I will remember you fondly when the tears have stopped falling. I wonder if I will drown in them, when you are the only one who can save me but aren't willing to swim. I wonder when the day will come that I can get back up and move on, but I do know that it will come. It will come and I will sigh with relief and smile for it. You won't see it, the effort it takes me to stand and take a step. You won't see the burden lift from my shoulders, see me wipe my eyes. I relinquished control to you. I will take it back, you won't even notice. Everything I gave, will be mine again. |