The Winner

The Winner
by
E C Wesch

"Hi Jack. You're lookin' quite horrible today. Things not going to good?"

"None of your business, pump-squeak."

"Just being neighborly. I'm a good listener if you want to tell me what's bothering?"

"Get lost Jerk-o-lantern."

"Wish I could Jack, but unless someone picks me up and moves me, you're stuck with me."

"Just my luck to be stuck next to a sugar-sweet, know-it-all, psycho-whats-it."

"No need for name callin' Jack. What have I ever done to make you so disagreeable? I'm just a little ole sugar pumpkin, and you're the magnificent Jack-o-lantern. You are known far and wide, you're famous Jack. Everyone wants a Jack-o-lantern in their yard. You even get to glow at night."

"Big deal! How would you like to have your head split open, and your guts ripped out? Then have someone carve out this ugly face. I'm hideous!"

"But Jack, that's what makes you so special."

"Bah! Who gives a crap? They hurt me Jerk-o. To top it all, the idiots broke one of my pointy teeth. Now I'm really pissed-off."

"I see, you're not perfect any more, you have a flaw. That's what has you so upset?"

"You stupid little piss-kin. That's not it, well, maybe that's part of it. You see that pumpkin by the hay bale?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"She's magnificent. Look at her curves. Perfection. She won't even turn around and look at me. I must be pathetic lookin' with my ugly, broken tooth?"

" You are pathetic Jack."

"Gee! Thanks for the ego boost, you really cheered me up. NOT!"

"Jack, she's a pumpkin. She can't turn around and look at you, unless someone moves her. Just like I can't leave you, unless someone moves me."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. Okay your sugar-ness. At least you won't get all carved up, you're too small to make into a Jack-o-lantern. You'll never know the pain and humiliation I had to endure when I saw my innards strewn all over the place. I'll never see my seeds planted and my future generations grow."

"Oh! Whoa is me! Boo Hoo! You think you got it bad? I got you beat by a mile Jack-o."

"No way!"

"Yes way! You ready to hear what's in store for me, what's in my future?"

"Sure, why not, but I bet I win."

"First, I will also get my head loped off, and my innards and seeds removed. Next, I will get cut into smaller pieces, I may be boiled, baked, or put in a micro-something, and cooked until I get soft. After that, I will be mashed until I no longer look like me anymore. Then, I will be mixed with some kind of white liquid, and some smelly powders. Finally, I'll be poured into a lined pan, and baked until I am no longer a liquid. Even my own mother won't recognize me. Then I'll be eaten. Well, do I win or not? "

"Yeah, you win sugar-pie."



497 words