Roommate(s) Needed Immediately!

Roommate(s) Needed Immediatey!

As a young intern desperately trying to obtain his medical license, I’m in dire need of some body to help with my rent (preferably all of it) and/or be willing to let me practice my surgical skills on them. Rent will be deducted depending on how difficult the surgery may be. A heart transplant could get you 6 months of free rent, whereas something as minor as an amputation of a toe or finger could get you a week.

I pretty much keep to myself in a dark room reading medical journals and writing horror stories all night long. All utilities will be split in half. You will be responsible for your own entertainment and food (do NOT look at what I have wrapped up in the freezer!), and any mention to anybody of who I bring into the apartment will not be tolerated, and will result in immediate evisceration eviction.

You must also be able to lift 50 lbs in order to help me carry bulky Hefty bags down to the corner on Mondays and Thursdays for garbage collection. You might also consider bringing a raincoat as this can sometimes be a very messy job, especially if the Hefty bags leak.

Apply at 666 J. Dahmer Way any time after 10 pm, Monday thru Friday. Saturdays and Sundays I hang out in Al’s Tavern just down the street.

I look forward to meeting you!