amends

The eighth step is about making amends.

I've never done the steps,

but I've certainly wronged some people.

Told some lies - Broke some hearts - Abused - Crushed Spirits

Made a child cry.

Failed as a mom.

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all."

So I made the list,

Wrote the messages,

Sent the texts.

_{Admitted things I thought I would take to the grave.}

_{Confessed affairs.}

_{Unearthed events and feelings covered in cobwebs in the depths of my memories.}

I barged back into peoples lives like a battering ram on a cheap door.

A blast from the past they wished would have stayed there.

Words on paper, a phone screen, through telephone lines.

Words that couldn't fix the broken hearts, crushed spirits, the child's pain.

I D E M A N D E D they listen.

Sobriety had been earned with my blood sweat and tears.

I did the therapy.

The meetings.

The emotionally draining hard work.

I wept. Grieved. Felt the guilt.

I D E S E R V E D to be forgiven.

I was selfishly demanding forgiveness from people who didn't deserve

the lies|broken hearts|abuse|crushed spirits

The pain I never thought twice about inflicting upon them.

They didn't owe me a

T H O R

D A M N

thing.

Not an audience

Not a response

and damn sure not

F O R G I V N E S S