Cold Love

I watched her.

God, she was beautiful. She was perfect.

At first I thought she was going to run, flee from here and from me and - Oh! - my heart shattered. I wanted to reach out and grab her and make her stay. I wanted to scream, "No! Don't you see!" I wanted to cry out and tie her down and race after and let her go, just let her be free... all at once.

Except she didn't run. That surprised me. I think - I hope not - that it surprised her too.

Instead she walked the other way toward me.

God, she was beautiful. So, so beautiful.

She wasn't smiling, but she was so, so beautiful.

She came to me. She didn't seem upset; normally, if she's upset (though that is rare), there's this look in her eyes - her beautiful bright shining eyes - like she might explode and shatter and burn from her feelings but then, in that moment, there was an emptiness. The emptiness was sobering. She was, god, she was beautiful. She was, at the end of this all, still her. Still beautiful. Still empty.

I thought she might hold me. Might curl her body against mine, my head on her shoulder (she was taller than me, you see, though that didn't bother me because she was so, so beautiful). Warmth blossomed in my heart as I felt the pull, the lull, of her hold drifting through me. I closed my eyes, waiting for the gentle touch...

Something was cold, was suddenly against my head. Was she wearing a necklace? I didn't know that she liked jewellery (I should have bought her something).

I opened my eyes and-

And-

She wasn't coming to me for an embrace.

Against my temple rested the cold, open mouth of her gun. Her eyes - just as frozen as her gun, just as unmoving as her aim - did not waver from mine.

"The poison will set in soon," she sighs.

Even now, god, she was beautiful. Even now, I loved her.

"They can't follow me and treat you at the same time," she says, she explains. Somehow - God she is beautiful - that makes it alright. I understand. It's okay.
"It's okay"

It's okay. It's...

I wake and I'm cold. I'm so cold. There are lights, there are sounds.

She was beautiful.

The lights fade. The sounds fade. I can't see anymore and there is no sound, my hands are going numb and I think - god - I think my heart is stopping. Not freezing. I still feel. I still love because she is beautiful. But my heart can't beat for long, now and - and. No. She is beautiful. Focus on her. She is beautiful. She. I. She. Her. Me. No. No.

She is beautiful.