Saved by a Starman

Saved by the Star Man

A lot of people give me a ton of shit about my "obsession" with David Bowie. Here's a story that might explain why I owe that man my life. If it weren't for his music I would be dead due the pain I felt as a teenagers. From being different, from like certain things that most people find to taboo.

I remember it was night time. I'm not sure if it was AM or PM. It was dark. It was just like any old Tuesday for me. I had gone to school, zombied through it, and when home. However, this night was about to be very different.

I'm pretty sure I had my bed kitty cornered at the time, and I was nestled in the space between the wall and the bed. I don't know if I was hiding from anyone who would stop me from what I was about to do, or from the shame I had at the thought of me doing it.

I was wearing some raggedy jeans and a black sweatshirt. It was the only thing I could stomach to see myself in at the time. Confidence takes time I supposed. Any way, I was holding something thing and metallic in my shaking hand. The blade was pressed against my wrist but I hadn't moved it yet. I could hear only faintly my computer playing a wide range of music on shuffle. However, my hearing was fading in and out. All I could really hear was my own heart beat.

As I was about to slide the razor up my wrist, the music suddenly came in to sharp focus. I heard a familiar voice saying "Oh no love, you're not alone." I don't know why it stuck out, I don't know how, but it was as if a kind voice were whispering directly in my ear. The blade slipped from my hand as if someone had knocked it away. It fluttered to the floor and got stuck in the carpet. I quickly went to pick it up, but it was as if there was something holding it from me.

Again, more passionately this time I hear, "Oh no love, you're note alone." It stuck me in the heart, and the tears began to flow.

That was the absolute time I had ever tried to commit suicide. As I sit here copying this story from the original version I wrote a few months after all of this, I need to change one seriously important detail. At the time I had been free of self harm for 3 years.

Now it has been over ten years.

And I am extremely proud of it. And I am also very thankful to the man singing those words. I swear that night something had physically grabbed that blade out of my hand. Whether it was just the intensity of the moment, or something more. David Bowie saved me that night. And I will forever be grateful.