Wishing for Turkey

Wishing for Turkey


“I thought we’d have tofurkey for the main meal. Then we could do the stuffing separate. Plus that great sweet potato casserole. And what about the green bean thing and the fresh cranberry sauce?”

“Tofurkey? What the heck is that?”

“It’s a new thing. Vegetarian turkey made from tofu. I’ve decided we need to cut back on our animal protein intake. I have a great recipe.”

“Tofu? Turkey? Are you kidding? Tell me you’re kidding. I’ve been waiting all year for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is all about the food. Lots of food. A giant turkey, golden brown with stuffing inside, a big vat of gravy over all the mashed potatoes. Green bean casserole. Crescent rolls with butter. Then pies. Pies with whipped cream. I want to have a food coma.”

“Do you hear yourself? That sounds disgusting. Food coma? Really? Who wants to sit around with a belly ache for a week from stuffing themselves. I think we need to eat less food. We’re older now and there are just the two of us. Get real mister.”

“I need a real turkey. I vote for real turkey. No fake jerky-tofurkey business. It doesn’t even have a wishbone, does it? If there’s not a wishbone, I can’t make the annual Thanksgiving wish come true. How can I continue without the annual wish?”

“What? Tell me you are not serious, Mark. You are basing your decision on the fact that the turkey has a wishbone?”

“I know what I like. What’s wrong with that? Every year since I was five I’ve had a turkey with a wishbone. And every year I didn’t get the chance to pull on the wishbone. Last year was the first time. I want to do that again. I would like to think tradition still has some place in this world.”

“Oh don’t walk away and whine like that. There’s more going on here than just a stupid vegan turkey without a wishbone.”

“Okay, Julie. You want to know what’s going on? Here you go. You decided without my input that we were having fake turkey. No discussion, no input from me. Unilateral decision from you. Now you’ve got me so upset I’m yelling at you because of all this!”

“Settle down. Now what am I supposed to do? Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I didn’t even buy a real turkey. They’re frozen and take two days to thaw out.”



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“Now we’re talking turkey. This is the kind of meal I was dreaming of. Plenty of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, green bean casserole, crescent rolls, lots of pie. This is the ticket, Julie.”

“I’m just glad they had vegan turkey on the menu. So you got what you wanted, and I got what I’d planned. This was a win-win situation. But are you sure you won’t miss the wishbone?”

“Ahh, what you don’t know is that I talked to the waiter while you were in the ladies’ room. He’ll bring it out with the check.”

“You rebel.”