Talentless

"Rock Around the Clock" vibrated through the gymnasium speakers as the curtain opened for Amy Mitchell, the thirteenth queen contestant. She was marching in a circle and swinging a baton while performing -- what looked like -- a solo bump and grind.

Less than one minute into the routine, she abruptly held up her hand to stop the music and stepped with determination to the front of the stage. Looking at her feet, Amy confessed she had no talent to display. "I've never learned to dance," she said, "but I do like watching others."

She described the Senior Center dances and how beautifully they waltzed. It was why she volunteered on Saturday nights, and always brought homemade cookies. She said she loved to cook and was currently learning the style of Raul Salinas.

Amy told the audience she was a member of the church choir, although she couldn't sing. Her job was to check out robes and make sure each singer stood in the right section. There wasn't much to do after that, except control the sound system.

She motioned toward the piano that had been brought on stage for another contestant. She said it must be wonderful to play, but the only thing she knew about pianos was how to fix them. "I replaced a buzzing bass string on that one last week."

Holding the baton toward the silent crowd, Amy explained she had borrowed it from her sister -- who really knew how to twirl -- and she had no business swinging a stick and calling it talent. She regretted her time wasted in sewing a twirling dress she'd never wear again.

Amy smiled, bowed to the judges and walked off stage. What followed was the only standing ovation ever given in the history of the Rives County Queen contest.