First Impressions: Part II

I yelled at my son because my eyelash wouldn't go on right. It was taking forever to get ready, and Lannie wanted me to wear a mini skirt, so everything had to be perfect. From my head to my eyelashes to my toes.

And even though I was 23, it was also my first time driving out of town and I was terrified, so it was putting me in a panic. I was getting flustered and was starting to sweat, like always happens. So I had to run outside to cool off, before sweat stains started appearing underneath my arms. My skin was already getting greasy under a full face of makeup. And my eye was red and puffy because my fingers were slipping now, as I pulled it for the hundredth time too hard. Because I still hadn’t gotten on that damn lash.

So I yelled at my baby when I should have just stayed home and played with him.

I didn’t tell anyone I was driving that far to see someone because then everyone would have known just how into him I really was. I didn’t drive to dates. I didn’t pay for dates. & I most definitely didn’t ever drive out of town for a date. To the movies, at that.

But I was so into this guy and I knew how busy he was. He had driven to me last time and he was only asking me to meet him halfway… Even though I had told him I hated driving and he had always promised to pick me up on his way home from work, I just brushed that off. Maybe it was just a busy time for him. Maybe we weren’t there yet. I didn’t mention how terrified I was of driving again because I knew he would only ask me to drive if he absolutely couldn’t. He knew driving scared me. So I asked what time to be there.

I was relieved that the majority of the way was 80 km/hour backroads, which are my absolute favourite to drive. I love the scenic routes and open, one lane, roads. It sure beats the hustle and bustle of the highway. I don’t have to see too many cars, so there’s no weaving in and out of traffic, and usually someone’ll end up passing me, so I can just follow behind and hope they get the ticket, should any cops appear. Which there usually never are. I wouldn’t have been so nervous if I knew this was the way.

Other than the 18 times my GPS had me circling the theatre, I actually managed to remain calm and arrive on time. This was our second date and I was so excited to see him, so my eyes immediately began scanning the parking lot.

“I’m here!” I text him, and my phone started ringing right away, my favourite response to a text message.

“Hey, so I don’t want you to get mad, ok?” OK? He was acting like I was crazy. “I’m just going to be a little bit late.”

“OK! That’s fine,” I knew downtown Toronto traffic was awful and I definitely shouldn't complain because my drive was rather enjoyable.

“OK, don’t be mad!”

“I’m not mad,” literally did he think I was crazy? I wasn’t mad AT ALL. Actually, usually I was the one late or cancelling, so I totally understood things came up.

“I’m on my way, almost there in about 15 minutes, just wait for me. Is there a Starbuck’s around? I know you like coffee. Why don’t you get yourself a coffee while you wait? Just don’t be mad at me”

“Yeah that sounds great, I could really use a coffee. I’ll see you when you get here! I’m parked at the back.”

“K, bye baby.”

“Bye babe.” Does he think I get mad for no reason? I don’t ever remember even being mad at him.. maybe misunderstood. I barely ever get mad. I made a mental note to work on that.

When he got to the theatre my Starbuck’s was basically gone, so it was a generous 15 minutes, but I wasn’t mad. In my head, I hadn’t planed any sort of dramatic meeting but the second I saw him I wanted to jump on him. I practically felt like Isla Fischer meeting Vince Vaughan in Wedding Crashers.

We’re going to be so happy together. I love you.

I’m sorry??

I love you!

Except we hadn’t even had sex yet, but he still gave me back Vince Vaughan vibes. So, like Isla Fischer, I just tried harder, for my squishie.

My shirt was like a criss cross skirt at the back, except safer because there was no leg to open the criss cross and reveal a bit too much. Two pieces of fabric were sewn along the top, one on top of the other, but like curtains, so one piece draped to one side of me, and the other, fell to the other side. In the middle, at the bottom, they fell apart in their different directions and only the smallest part of my lower back was left showing, right above my booty, to help accentuate it. When the wind blew the drapes of my shirt open, I felt like a modern day Marilyn Monroe, even though he didn’t even seem to notice… because he was still nervous and acting shy. I was just nervous and giddy. It was perfect.

Even though he didn’t hold the door, he did pay for the date. But then he didn't introduce me when he ran into someone he knew. That’s not weird for second dates, right? To act like your date doesn’t exist. He actually stood in front of me while I awkwardly stood there in my little skirt, suddenly not feeling so cute anymore.

“I’m doing great now man, damn it’s been a while,” he said as they grabbed hands and touched shoulders.

“Man thats great to hear, too long, man.”

He told him about his law firm in Toronto and how well it was doing. He had staff who could cover for him while he flew out of the country now Everything he said I already knew but the way he acted about me, told me what I didn’t; didn’t know but also, didn’t want to know. But, it’s easy to ignore body language when you’re not listening for it.

When we finally sat down, I was ecstatic to be with him. I just wanted to be close enough to breathe him in. I didn’t give a shit about the movie. I drove to him, to see him, dressed down in his causal clothes on the weekend. My Saturday boyfriend, who was choosing to spend his limited free time with me. His shirt was like snow and I wanted to jump in. His arms were strong and sturdy, and I was like a child ready to climb a tree. He was so stoic and I knew I needed to be mature, keep it together. Everything about him was solid, so effortless, right down to the two little headphones in his ears. All so practical because of how busy he was. All meticulously thought out for maximum convenience. Every single thing serving a purpose, to preform a function.

This was what it was like to be grown up and date, I thought. I felt nervous and child-like, awkward but determined. Our legs kept inching towards each others. I couldn't tell if mine was frozen from deliberately holding it away from his, or if my nerves were preventing it from letting go and falling into his. Then they were stuck to each others but we both knew it wasn’t enough. His eyes were locked on the screen but his hand managed to lock mine. In the dark, without looking away, he found my hand, like a magnet, and his grip was strong as his gaze. All of a sudden, I could hear our body language screaming.