Love Hurts

         "Love hurts, love spars, love woos from afar. Love it like a clot. It hurts a lot."

         "Whoa, whoa. You're butchering a Nazareth classic with that screeching. Why so glum chum?"

         "Oh, hey Cupid. You know what today is and it sucks. I'm just a lonely boy, just me, not two. I'm all alone with no one but you."

         "Really? Now you're blubbering bad Paul Anka lyrics? Do I need to jab you, or something?"

         "Could you? I'm desperate and did I mention I'm alone...still? Don't you have a magic arrow?"

         "No, no sharp objects anymore. It's a liability thing. Have you tried online dating? What about Plenty Of Fish?"

         "Aaaa, I'm not an outdoorsy guy."

         "Okay. Have you tried Mingle?"

         "Meh. I'm not a fan of small talk."

         "So, am I correct in believing you don't like blind dates?"

         "Ack, no way. I like to see what I'm getting into. Why me?"

         "Are you moaning now? You must have put yourself out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Describe one of your dates. How bad could it be?"

         "Well, I arrived late once. How could I have known the dude at the one meter with time still on it would take so long to drive away? Parking spots, especially paid ones, are golden."

         "Perfectly understandable. Then?"

         "I explained to Melissa, Melanie, Melinda, Mel whatever her name was she'd been a sweetheart to wait for me. She seemed bristly."

         "Oh? And?"

         "I asked her when the baby was due. Her little rounded belly made her condition obvious."

         "I bet. What did she say?"

         "Nothing much I understood. She sputtered something about my lack of sensitivity. I wasn't really listening. I had to study the menu, right? She pointed at my stomach as she stomped off. Maybe I should've phoned her."

         "What? Why?"

         "For a second date. What do you think?"

         "I think you need more help than I can give. How do you feel about self love?"

         ( 326 words )