Scars of Time

You leeched off of my life force,
Stalking my mind,
Burrowing in like a worm
Looking for vulnerabilities
Which I freely displayed
In trust.

In all my naivety I thought I could confide in you
But you spread me apart, took what you desired
And left me naked and barren
Ashamed of myself
Ashamed of my entire being.
Yet,
Throughout it all
I continued to wear
A facade of agreeableness
Singing soft-spoken melodies.
While you invaded my being.

You laughed with your friends at my expense
While I continued to carry you. To care.
I allowed you to take advantage
Because I had not yet healed
From my own traumas.
Wounds so deep and fresh
They were still bleeding.

My pain pouring out onto the floor.
Spilling out all of my insecurities
The pieces of me that had been torn up;
Ripped and shredded and scattered
By those who came before you
Who also violated me.
Who raped my soul and kept on taking
Scraping away at me inside.
Left me in pain.
Burning and full of shame for
just
trying
to
survive.

One of you gave me an empty bottle.
Silent Sam left in a window frame
You shoved it between my legs as a token of kindness
To cool and soothe the burning pain.
So raw, so exposed.
I felt like I was bleeding
I felt like I was dying inside
And now,
There remain pieces of me
So deeply scarred by time
Yet, still, I carry on.


Silent Sam reference note:
Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Rooming house on Barclay St in the West End of downtown Vancouver. 1997.
You know who the f*** you are. Shane V with vitiligo. You and your "proud Aryan blood" and superiority. You f***ed up more than just me. You did the same thing to my friend and Lord knows how many others. You were a full grown adult at 27 years of age. We were children.