The Cause of Mushrooms

"Leave me alone!" cried the young woman who had been led into the Constable's barracks.

Constable Jenkins sighed. "Look at it from our perspective, Dr. Lund. A famous biologist has disappeared without a trace. You are the last person known to have seen him alive. If you could just tell us something that might help us close this case."

"Close this case!" Dr. Lund mimicked. "You don't even sound like you personally care that much."

Well, if Constable Jenkins was being honest. . .

"I get it. Dr. Van Dorn was, at best, a silly Quack and, at worst, a dangerous bastard. This entire planet is secretly glad to see him go. So why can't you just be happy he's gone and leave me alone?"

"Actually," said Jenkins,"that isn't even the real reason."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, this planet has so many more important problems right now. This case seems like the least of anyone's worries."

For the first time, Dr. Lund appeared interested. "What kind of problems?"

"You haven't heard? Well, mushrooms have begun growing sporadically in places where they wouldn't normally grow. They're ruining our crops and we don't know why."

Dr. Lund's eyes widened. " Did you say Mushrooms?"

"Yes, Why?"

"Well, Sometimes During a late lab session, Dr. Van Dorn and I would order pizza and sometimes we'd get into arguments because I hate mushrooms and he loved them."

"That's fascinating!" said Jenkins sarcastically. "What could it possibly have to do with either problem?"

Dr. Lund sighed. "Fine. I'll tell you what he was working on. He had this idea that one could combine the DNA of an animal or even a human with that of a plant or a fungus. But to this, he would need a lot of human DNA. In fact, he determined that the only way was tp cut off pieces of a human until the human was would essentially die."

"So did he want volunteers for that experiment."

"No. He decided to use himself. I tried to stop him but-"

Just then, an aide came rushing in. "Jenkins. Have you heard?"

"What now?"

"Well, somebody went up in a rocket and took a photo of those mushrooms from space. It turns out that if you look at them that way. They seem to form letters, which spell out words."

"Yeah. Right," said Jenkins. "It's probably just someone's imagination." But he looked at the photo which the aide handed him. And, he had to admit, there really did appear to be letters on the planet. Letters which seemed to say, "NOW, THIS PLANET WILL HAVE THE BEST PIZZA IN THE GALAXY."