Asmo-mania

"I can't believe your sister made us watch all seven movies," I said. "The first one was only scary because Trish has blackout curtains. Seriously, 'Ghost Realms'? Were the writers at Paramount trying to be cheesy?"

My husband took his eyes off the road briefly to glare at me. "Hon," he said. "I know you think that franchise is overrated but that was the scariest thing to me when I was in High-school. I had to set up cameras to make sure my parents didn't get stalked by demons."

I laughed at the thought that my husband had planted cameras all over. "You what?" I said. "Oh my gosh! I bet your dad kicked your butt when he found the one in their bedroom."

John groaned as we pulled into the drive way. "Yeah your right," he said. "Look I get it. You're skeptical. Just be glad Trish let us go home so we could hand out candy."

He plopped down on the couch and used his phone to turn on our outdoor decorations. I could tell he was sulking, he hadn't even turned on the TV.

Maybe I had enjoyed mocking his favorite film franchise a little too much. I walked over and stood behind the back of the couch. "Babe," I said. "I'm sorry, I'll be nice. Want me to slip into my sexy black cat costume?"

He craned his neck backwards and kissed me. "That might help make amends," he said. "I might even give my pussy cat a little treat later."

"Me-yeow!" I said. "Hang on, this little kitty will be right back."

I went down the hallway to our bedroom and pulled my costume out of the dresser. I was struggling to find the top the little black dress when I thought I saw the lights flicker.

Crap! Were we gonna have another brown out? I thought those had ended when I was a teenager. Nothing else happened so I shrugged it off.

I returned to the living room to find John watching "Nightmare Before Christmas." I snuggled up next to him and purred. "A Disney classic," I said. "Purrfect for when the little ghouls and goblins show up."

He put his arm around my shoulder. The doorbell rang.

"I guess the trick or treaters have radar," I said. "I'll go get that."

I opened up the door and I almost dropped the candy. This thing had to be at least seven feet tall. It stared down at me with glowing yellow eyes and snorted. Its breath felt hotter than an oven.

I screamed, slammed the door and did all the locks as fast as I could. I moved the large potted palm tree in front of the door.

John vaulted over the back of the couch. He grabbed my arms and held me still. "What are you doing?" He asked.

"Babe," I said. "I don't know if we should call a priest or the cops! There was some giant wack job with horns and yellow eyes. I'm not sure whatever that is is human."

He muttered something like "d...it Trish..gonna..."He clenched and unclenched his fists. "It's probably a neighborhood kid playing a prank," he said. "I'll check the peephole."

After a long pause, John turned back to me. "There's nothing there," he said. "I think it's probably just too much Cola and the movies we watched with Trish."

Alright, I guess an eight-ish hour movie marathon was a little more taxing than I'd thought. I decided to sit back down and watch the Tim Burton flick.

We were watching the fight scene between Jack Skelington and Oogey-Boogey. Suddenly I felt three white hot streaks run down my arm.

"Ow!" I said. "What was that?"

I looked at my arm. There were three bright red gashes.

I socked my husband in the arm. "What'd you claw me for?!" I yelled. He looked genuinely shocked.

"That wasn't me," he said. "I've had my hands full of cheese balls for the last five minutes."

My skin started crawling all over. "Asmodium," I whispered. "No way. It's Asmodium." I showed my husband the marks.

His eyes were so wide I thought he might be choking. "Holy crap," he said. "We gotta get outta here. We'll call Father Kearny on the way!"

"What if it's rats instead?" I argued. "We could have rats."

He looked exasperated. "Dear," he said. "The house just got remodeled inside and out. There's no way--"

We both turned our eyes upward as heavy booming footsteps shook our attic. The lights started flickering on and off in the kitchen, living room and hallway.

I really lost my mind when the Roomba skittered through the house. There were streaks of blood in its wake. I had no clue where it was coming from either.

Demon or not I grabbed my keys. No way I was staying here. "Let's go," I said. "I'll drive."

We didn't grab our coats. Both of us breathed a sigh of relief as we pulled into the Waffle House parking lot. We felt a lot safer bathed in its yellow light.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Father Kearny's emergency number. He picked up rather quickly. "Hello Father, it's me Rachel," I said. "Yes I haven't been to mass in a while. No. We were wondering if you could do an exorcism on our house. We think there's a demon haunting it....uh-huh. No. Yes. Okay, thank you. Bye."

John gave me a curious look. "Well what'd Father Kearney say?" He asked.

"He told me he won't be able to come till tomorrow afternoon," I said. "He asked me if we were at the house. Told us to find somewhere safe to spend the night."

John shook his head. "Good thing Waffle House is open twenty-four-seven," he said. "Guess we'll hang out here."

A cheery server with a note pad came over. "Hi," she said. "What can I get y'all?"

"I'll have the pumpkin pancakes," John said.

How could he eat after that? I was still frazzled by all the weird events. Guess some things can't be explained.