A Christmas Typo

Winner of The Writer's Cramp, Monday December 4, 2023

A Christmas Typo

“Joseph!”


My wife is a steady gal, not known for theatrics. This is why the terror and rage in her voice startled me off the couch and into the kitchen before I knew I was moving.


“Did you proof-read this email before you sent it?”


I thought about the last few emails I'd sent and came up with the only one she must mean – the annual Christmas letter.


“Did I spell someone's name wrong?”


“Oh, Joseph. I sent this to our pastor! And Aunt Rosemary. You know how she feels about church and she has that heart condition...” Juliet became pale.


I pulled up my sent email folder and re-read what I had sent.


“I don't see the problem. You got the promotion at work, I'm still chugging along... blah, blah, blah. I even mentioned the dog!”


“Keep reading.” Now her voice was deadpan, which was scary.


“Oh.” I couldn't help it. I started laughing. As I started to read out loud, my voice filled with false menace, Juliet couldn't help but smile.


“...William is now in middle school and Harriet has joined the basketball team. We're looking forward to the shock on their faces when a late night visitor taps at our window this year. Yes, friends and family, we hired the Man in Red to visit. It's about time they see him with their own eyes. We can only hope they learn to behave after a timely visit from Satan.”


Juliet's phone rang. She took a few deep breaths, sent me that look that meant I'd hear more later, and answered.


“Oh hi, Aunt Rosemary. You got an email from Joseph that you want to talk about?”