The hatch

I’m looking out the window as cars and city streets seem to pass by. The bus is full this time, and the weather outside warm making it a rather sticky and uncomfortable ride. I have a older gentleman next to me who has refused to converse with me, who instead has chosen to stick his nose in a book. Written by Michael Connelly, I had tried to see if I could see the title, but every time he sees me looking he shuffles over a little more.

So I had since decided to give up on him and sufficed to look out the window as Auckland city seems to go right on by. And people are having conversations in their cars unaware of being watched, and the pedestrians which cross the road in such a hurry you swear the world was ending. I am on my way home for the first time since before my degree and before me and recent ex had begun our relationship. That makes it nearly four years, which had finally made decide it was probably time to return home, and I’m pretty sure my mum would also then stop asking me about it.

Besides its just time, I have wake to attend as well, and would like to soak my feet in the sea water a west end after having my relationship of two and half years just fall to bits. It will be nice to clear my head and refocus myself. Home has a tendency to ground me. That does however require me to sit on a bus for six hours with my very conversational bookworm friend beside me. I suppose I should just be pleased to finally getting a break.
It’s with this thought in my mind I decide to simply lay my head against the window and close my eyes trying to remember the last time at home.

Remembering the town to always be packed with people and tourists, and the heat and the sun making it so hot that many simply give up and instead flock to the beaches. Something which had frustrated me, since it made getting good waves on my bodyboard difficult, as I had to consistently give way to surfers. It was still however the place I loved being when I went home. I smile at the idea of heading to the beach the minute that I can. Haven’t been in so very long.

My mind moves to the memories of people which I know and those who have not seen since I had finished high school. This was maybe more because I did not wish for them to see me. I had found that these people remember me for the teenager I was, and subsequently expected me to still be the same person. This makes it very awkward at the best of times. Not to mention that many have not known as the gay that I am, they all still ask me when I’ll be getting married. There is actually only one person who I want to see. I hope that she is in town for once while I am there. This girl had been the girl for whom I had stayed in seventh form for, and the only reason I had physical education as long as I did. Not that I ever truly had the courage to let her know this, although I did almost kiss her once. My mind races through the memory of her.

Her brown eyes and extraordinary smile. A smile that would crease the skin on her nose moving her freckles. The smile I used to get when I cracked some ridiculous joke which she thought was funny. I especially remembered her voice, the soft gently pitch she used to speak to me and only to me in. We had been close, which had done nothing but to confuse her friends since we didn’t really know each other that well. Things were so very different then. I have for years entertained the possibilities of what could have happened.

The bus slows and it occurs to me that we are no longer in the city but out in the country, where all I see is green hill and grass, which seems so much rich in colour which I put down to the rain we recently had. I feel tired now; I had to get up insanely early in West Auckland to get to central, to be on time to get on this bus. I decide instead to close my eyes and try to rest at least a little bit.





I wake up when the bus stops the second time in my home town, I’m still a little groggy but am surprised when my bookworm friend finally turns around and smiles at me. I had at one point begun believing that he had forgotten I was even here. I gather my few things and slowly walk off the bus and around to the luggage bay to get my bag, which is abruptly placed on the ground by the driver. Thankfully I had nothing breakable in there. I collect my thing and hike to mum’s work, who greets me with a hug and a smile. After surviving the introductions to everyone, I put my thing in her car and decide on a walk before we head off.

Typical to five o clock in small town, everything is beginning to close and people are slowly beginning to amble back to their cars. This does however make foot traffic slow, and I manage to get stuck in what feels like a tide of little children. I can’t push or move any faster in fear of either walking on one of them or just bowling them over. I decide not to worry and just go with the flow. We round a corner together and suddenly my tide breaks away from me walks in the other direction. I feel someone touch my shoulder and I turn to see who it is. I am almost stunned to see that it is her. She smiles at me as always did, and I have to watch myself in case I begin to drool uncontrollably.

“How are you?” she says as if we had just seen each other yesterday,” It’s been what, seven years since we’ve spoken.” She smiles and I swear my heart stopped beating for minute.
“Yeah…” I finally mage to stammer out, “Been a while. How you been?”
She smiles and I am absolutely certain she knows what’s going through my mind. She comes a little nearer to me and touches my shoulder, before smiling her award winning smile again.
“What you doing tomorrow?” She asks. Generally this meant that she was going to ask me for help lifting stuff since I am rather stronger than most other girls.
“No plans as of yet, what can I help you with?” I figured it wise to just offer anyway since I knew what she wanted to ask anyway.
“Just be nice if you could help me and my family set up at the school tomorrow. Bout nine-ish……” she says and I nod.

We talk for another few minutes, during which she tells me she is engaged to some bloke she met while studying. It’s a crushing blow and I have to stop myself from rolling on the ground and crying like a kicked dog. I manage to stay upright and even seem to pull off the ‘that doesn’t phase’ act well enough for us to part on good terms. It’s time by now to meet my mum so we can go home and I can see the house they bought. I was tired anyway. I met mum back at her work where we piled into her car and went home talking about anything and everything. I found myself surprised at the level of candid conversation between us, since I had come out there had been times when our conversation had felt very stilted. It was a welcomed change to have this kind of conversation with her.

Home was quiet and we found dad firing the barbeque up ready for dinner, which as it turns out was very tasty. I was by then however absolutely buggered and retreated to my room for some shut eye.



I woke up the next morning and it took me about ten minutes to remember where I was. I was a little disappointed to wake up with no insanely hot girl beside me, but had to also remind myself I was at my parent’s house, and that could have worked out to be very awkward. When I finally woke up enough I got and went through my typical morning routine, which included a cup a coffee followed by another cup of coffee. Finally being dressed and feeling as if the caffeine was finally kicking in, mum and me got in her car and headed back to civilisation.

I drove up to the school in my mum’s fancy little red car at about nine and prepared myself to meet the new boyfriend. I finally gear myself up enough and get out of the car, and slowly walk up to the steps, where Brigette comes out to meet me. She smiles at me again and I am beginning to think that she may be trying to torture me. I am even more amazed to find that I really just want smile back. We walk in together and she stops next to a tall skinny bloke who looks a little like Freddy Mercury.
“This is George.” She introduces him to me and then me to him. I shake his hand out of courtesy when really I feel like ripping it clean off. I smile and she tells me what is needed. Turns out I was working with George for the day, which felt like another crushing blow. I was beginning to seriously consider rolling around on the ground.

We were spending the day moving and packing things into the storage which was built into the floor in the school hall. The hatch door only opened form one side and would be virtually impossible to get open if you got locked inside. And so we worked on and on. And George turned out to be quite nice guy, and as happy as I am that Brigette found a nice guy, I was also a little broken about it. Rolling around crying like kicked dog was becoming more and more appealing by the minute.

The morning flew and we finally got to what seemed to be the end of all the stuff to get packed away. Brigette and I were talking more now as we didn’t seem to have quite so much going on all at once. We were lifting the last of the sporting stuff into the area while the others went out to get some food for us all. We were so busy that we stopped talking and just kept moving stuff around. We only had a little light coming in and we could only just see each other. When I though she may not be aware, I stood back long enough to just watch her.

I was amazed to still feel some old feelings which I had almost forgotten about. I was happy she was happy, I was also realising how much things had changed, even for me. Suddenly it went completely dark and all that I heard was the lock on the hatch being locked. I couldn’t react quick enough to say anything and by the time either of us began to react we could hear the person’s footsteps as they left. It was pitch dark. I reached for my phone in my pocket and flipped it open illuminating the surroundings a little. Briggette came nearer to me and stood with me.
“Well, it seems we have been locked in.” she says as she reached her arms around me and tried to move the hatch. She looked at me with worried eyes.
“Let’s get at least a little comfortable, I’m sure they’ll look for you some point.” I said trying to ease her worry. We shuffled onto a pile of stacked gymnast mats and sat down.

She was so near me that I could feel her breath. I found my mind racing and my emotions pitching up in response. My phone suddenly beeped twice and then died.
“Ah shit, needed a charge. Where’s your phone?” I ask her hoping for at least a little light.
“George has it.” She answered. I knew more importantly that she was claustrophobic, and also knew that she was not going to like the dark. I could feel her tremble and out of pure reaction put my arms around her. She leaned back into my chest and I held her. She smiled suddenly, this I knew because she her breathing changed and she turned to me.

I could feel her body moving as she did and knew exactly what she was doing, even in the pitch black darkness we were in. Her hands found my face, and her touch was electrifying. I could feel her drawing nearer to me, leaning in closer. I was completely aware, every emotion in my body was racing, and it felt as my senses had become acutely aware. It was intensely deep, and very charged. Then I felt her lips touch mine.

Her kiss was so invigorating. We stayed in each other’s embrace for a while longer till she pulled back. And then the hatch opened and light came streaming in. I had been so caught up I had not even heard the latch being moved. Brigette sat across from me on the mats a few minutes just looking at me. She then smiled. A smile I had not seen before. It touched the deepest crevice of me. George appeared and scooped her into his arms. He laughed and joked with me about trying to get into his fiancée and then we all went topside for lunch. I could barely eat.

The day came to a slow end as we all then went our separate ways. Brigette with George, and me with me. I still didn’t quite know why and what had led to the kiss, but I wasn’t complaining. We may never be together, but I at least had an answer had I long wondered about. I went home that night and felt almost invincible. I can only wonder in George didn’t actually know, and will always wonder who was the genius that shut the hatch?

All in all it worked out to be a good break.