Blame not mine to take attacking but I walk way. I refuse to fall into her interdependency |
The phone rings from two hundred miles the attack is made the message is a warning that more incoming is just days away Inside I feel rage blame not mine to take is attacking me. ((29 October 1991)) No thoughts behind my quiet emotion It has been two days Two days when rage not mine assaulted. At first I felt sad confusion then I in turn felt angry But Today I sit quiet I wait ((31 October 1991)) Today my feelings are confused Today I battle my inner storm Today I received the letter the one I was warned about on the phone. It is still someone elses pain attacking me It really is none of my concern it is her responsibility But I feel myself responding Being sucked into her rage blaming ((2 November 1991)) Many thoughts flow behind calm emotion It has been three days Three days since I was touched by her pain. Gone is my anger Gone my wrongful inner blaming Gone my induced empathy Gone is my self pity I feel myself distancing Retreating to a place she cannot touch me Inducing my controlled self nurturing Quietly I walk away another door closing Yes I do know There is an end to the pain I refuse to fall into her interdependency by shedding my own like a snake outgrowing its confining skin. She may touch me again with her rage But no longer will I allow it to pull my strings. ((5 November 1991)) Originally compiled: 5 November 1991 revised, clarified:: 17 July 2001 |