THE FLEETS IN

THE FLEET'S IN

“You look like a wanton woman” Jake laughed, his eyes sparkling with admiration.
Putting that dress on after 25 years took my mind back to the early 70’s when I was young free and single. I had a figure then that could make men look twice, no, three times and more. Ok, so I could still get the dress on but most of that figure had gone south. The proof being the carpet burns on my bum if I walked naked across the bedroom shag-pile.

But now I remember the first time I wore this dress. I had bought it in a little boutique in the rich part of Southsea. It cost almost a weeks wages, seven pounds, nineteen shillings and sixpence. But the WOW factor made it all worthwhile. I can remember seeing the girls in the local café after my momentous shopping spree and their looks of envy.

Jane had been the first to offer a comment. “It’s a bit, well, short isn’t it?”
As quick as a flash Jenny jumped in “Don’t be such a bitch, Jane” she spat “you’re not the only one with good legs, Em has a lovely pair of pins. Remember those hot pants!”
Jane didn’t realize she had been rebuked all she could do was beam a smile at Jenny and ask “Do I really have good legs?” knowing full well that her long slender legs were the envy of all the girls, Betty Grable had nothing on her.
"Yes” sighed Jenny “you’re so lucky,” and then in a whisper “that your legs go right up to your bum.” Jane was so busy preening herself, that she joined in the raucous laughter not realizing that it was at her expense.

“Getting back to my dress” I giggled “you don’t think it’s too short, do you?”
“Em” said Hannah with a wry grin “the only time it would be too short is when you can see the label on the back of your vest!” With that the conversation dropped down to gutter talk and our table received loads of dirty looks from the old girls that were just getting ready for an afternoons bingo down the road. They always dropped into the café for a pot of tea and to dish the dirt (gossip). “I hope I never end up like that lot” whispered Jackie “come on girls lets get down the round tower, or we’ll miss the arrival of the fleet.”

With that, the stampede of mini skirts, platform shoes and false eyelashes that made for the door, took the old bingo birds by surprise. We left them all holding their saggy chests in mock heart attacks, as we took the short cut across the common, through the fun fair and up to Old Portsmouth. We positioned ourselves as near to the front of the crowd of holiday makers as we could.

There in the distance was the United States Navy in all it’s glory.
How many ships can you see” shouted Jenny
"Four, five, six” counted Jane “god there must be an armada out there”
“Well” said Hannah with her usual ‘lets put the mockers on this’ voice “they can’t all be yanks, there must be some of our ships and a few foreign ones”
“Shut up Hannah” Jane bellowed “come on girls lets go down the main drag”
“But I want to watch the ships go past” wailed Jenny, doing her best to pout her lips. “ok lets watch the first wave and then we’ll go to the elephant and castle for a drink.”
It was agreed, so for the next hour we waved, shouted and strutted our stuff.

Sitting in the pub with a double vodka and lemonade in front of me, I scanned the main gate of the dockyard watching for those tell-tale pork pie hats. We were on our fourth drink when I spotted one then two then more and more. The chase had begun. Jane was out of the door first, her platform shoes not slowing her up one little bit. Next was Jenny with Hannah a close third, Jackie and I calmly bringing up the rear. The excitement was building and more bell bottom trousers were making their way up to the town center.

“Who’s got the lighter?" called Hannah
“I have it in my pocket” said Jackie
“Give it here, it’s my turn to pick the group” said Hannah.
The lighter in question was an old zippo that we acquired last time the fleet came in. It was from the USS Wasp, a helicopter carrier that was here a few months ago. We’d met some lovely guys from that ship, but that’s in the past, although I still write to Jeff Sorrows sometimes, he was such a hunk. But live for today is my motto, and today I need to find a new Jeff or Hank or Hunk, and we were now in hot pursuit.

“Tasty bum alert” hissed Jane “oh just look at that pert little peach, in those lace up the back trousers.”
We all agreed this was a bum to watch and the face wasn’t bad either.
Jane picked up the pace and Hannah tottered behind, like a pair of race horses breaking into a trot they were off.
“Excuse me” shouted Hannah in her best 'English Rose' accent “did you drop this lighter?” the sailor with the pert behind turned round slowly and we all gave up a collective sigh, he was gorgeous.
“No Ma'am” he replied in a southern drawl “I don’t smoke”
By now Hannah’s false eyelashes were going at such a speed they nearly blew his pork pie hat off.
“Are you American?” said Jane in mock innocence.
“Don’t spoil it now Jane you idiot” hissed Jackie as her gaze turned back to the sailor and her eyes glazed over.
The scene was reminiscent of a pack of wild dogs looking longingly at a big juicy steak hanging in a butchers window.
“Yes Ma'am, I am American, from South Carolina”
The sailor had broken the silence and now both groups were eying each other up and a round of introductions started. There was at least a dozen in their group and only five of us, so like Custer at his last stand, we were surrounded.

BLISS!!!

After some crafty chatting we all agreed to meet that night at our local disco, Joanna’s. Jane drew a map in lipstick, on the hand of one tall hunk called Chuck. Then we said our goodbye’s and set off for home.

Our home was a shared house which belonged to Jane’s dad, he let us live rent free but we had to keep it in good order. That was a laugh, the amount of tights hanging in the bathroom at any one time was almost enough to bring the plaster off the walls. The weight of all the make up and hair spray combined put great pressure on the very foundations. But we were blissfully happy in this house, it always resounded to the sounds of radio 1 and the kettle was always on the boil. My room was small but had all the mod cons required for the modern young lady, like a full length mirror and enough wardrobe space for my vast array of mini skirts and dresses.

I opened the wardrobe door and surveyed the contents. What little number would I wow them with tonight I wondered. Then I remembered the new dress, yes that's the little number I need.

I opened the bedroom door and the mayhem that greeted me can only be described as 'organized chaos'. Scantily clad bodies fighting for the bathroom, Jane screaming at the top of her voice that this was her dad's house and that she should get to use the bathroom first. She was driven back by a hail of flannels and sponges and a rather large loofah.

I skipped downstairs to retrieve my precious garment and then promptly fell over a pair of platforms that had been left on the stairs. As I lay in a crumpled heap, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, I came face to face with an enormous spider. My scream echoed throughout the house and the girls upstairs all stopped in their tracks. Four puzzled faces appeared over the banister.
"Call an ambulance" shouted Jackie
"She's dead" cried Jane
"Don't be stupid, she couldn't scream if she was dead" stated Hannah with her 'I've done a first aid course' head on.
As I gazed up the stairs, four half naked girls all descended on me at the same time like a wave of jiggling flesh. I had to cover my eyes, the sight was enough to make me scream even louder.
"Give her the kiss of life" said Jane
"She's not drowning" retorted Jackie "Are you all right mate?" she whispered as she helped me to my feet. I tried out all my limbs, one at a time and they all seemed to be ok.
"What stupid cow left their shoes on the stairs?" I held up the offending articles. Hannah looked sheepish while the other three all pointed at her.
"Sorry Em, I'll put them away." She took them from my hand and then promptly raced up the stairs, into the bathroom and slammed the door.
"Looks like Hannah is the first in the bathroom" I chuckled. We all broke into peals of laughter and didn't notice the tapping on the front door.

Jackie opened the door to our next door neighbour, Reg. He had heard the scream and was coming to the rescue, thinking that we had been attacked by a pack of rabid dogs at the very least. The fact that he came armed with a sink plunger made us laugh. The sound of his chin hitting the floor at the sight in front of him made us laugh even more. He blushed bright red and tried not to look at Jenny's ample chest, but his eyes could not move, they were glued to a pair of boobs in a sheepdog bra. (You know the type, it rounds them UP and heads them OUT). Reg should have got used to us by now, we never failed to shock the poor man. He'd almost had a heart attack when the five of us were sunbathing in the garden, bless him. Reg made his excuses to leave and Jackie shut the door, being careful of course not to catch his tongue in it. We all trooped upstairs, time was getting on and we had to evict Hannah from the bathroom.

All at once it was time to go, the slap (make-up) was on and the hair was groomed and there was enough perfume to stun a horse. Jane stood outside waiting for the taxi to arrive. As it turned the corner she shrieked "It's here, It's here" racing in and out of the door like a puppy. If she'd had a tail she'd have wagged it!

CHAPTER TWO

Doug turned the corner in his black cab and looked at the door numbers as he slowly edged his way along. His eyes were suddenly drawn to a buxom young lady, jumping up and down on the pavement half way along the road. He almost swerved into a parked car at the sight of her bouncing chest, she was waving her arms in the air like a demented windmill but it was only her chest that Doug could see. Doug smiled and said to himself "this must be the fare then." As he approached the young lady in question, he done the gentlemanly thing and got out to open the door of his taxi, he bowed in mock fashion. "Your carriage awaits Madam" he said in his best 'Parker' voice. He wasn't prepared for the stampede that followed, five fully made-up, dressed-up females all made for the door at once. His eyes almost fell out as one after another mini-skirted girl climbed into the back, showing more thigh than he'd seen on the "Benny Hill Show" last night. As he closed the door on the bevy of beauties he mopped his brow and made his way to the drivers seat. He climbed in and said "where to ladies?" The following screams from five high pitched voices hurt his ears but he could just make out the destination.

He drove toward the seafront and as he stopped at the traffic lights in Albert Road he noticed his mate Steve sat at the opposite set of lights. Steve was laughing and blowing kisses at him, "has the man gone mad" thought Doug. The lights changed and Doug could only hear his mate's laughter as they passed. He couldn't understand what was going on until he looked in his rear view mirror to check on his cargo, then he caught sight of his face. Great big lipstick marks covered his cheeks, he looked as though he had been used as tester in a make-up factory. He was just about to wipe off the offending marks when he suddenly thought of the reaction this would cause back at the office. He chuckled, the kisses stayed.

Jane's excited screams had mobilized the group into a frenzy and as I pulled shut the front door we all made a dash for the taxi together. The poor taxi driver didn't know what had hit him as the five of us ran toward him. It was a nice gesture for him to open the door for us, so we all planted big wet smackers on his cheeks. Climbing into the cab was a nightmare in platforms and tight mini skirts, Jackie shoved me in and I landed on Hannah.

"Watch out, you'll ladder my tights" she squealed "push over Jenny and give a girl some room."

"Push over yourself" laughed Jenny "just how much room do you need? If you need any more then you are going to have to go on a diet." We all chuckled at the thought of Hannah on a diet, she loved her grub too much.

"Hannah is on a see food diet" I called

"No I'm not" retorted Hannah "I like prawn cocktail but that's about the only seafood I like"

"If you SEE food you eat it" I laughed, the cab echoed with peals of laughter. I sat down next to Jenny and Jackie pulled down the little seat behind the driver and perched on the edge. Jane climbed in and sat on the other little pull down seat, we were ready and when the taxi driver asked where we were going and we all chorused at once.

As we drove off I could see Old Ma Duckett walking her two little pug dogs. She was shaking her head from side to side and tutting, but I could also see the sight grin appearing on her face as she watched us go. I'll bet she had a tale or two to tell about the blackout during the war and what they got up to in the air-raid shelters.

Outside the club people were milling around and as the cab drew up we all craned to see if our dates for tonight were waiting for us.

"Can't see them" called Jane "but look at that group over there" she said nodding her head in their direction. All eyes turned to look at the group of American sailors and in turn they started to look at each other. They resembled a herd of gazelle being stalked by a pride of lions, they didn't know whether to run or make a stand. We tried to get out of the taxi in a lady like fashion but platform shoes are not the best form of footwear for elegance. Herman Munster would have looked more lady like. We pulled down our skirts and adjusted our bosoms, now we were ready for anything this evening could throw at us.

First port of call was the Bier Kellar, a German type pub that only served lager. We clattered down the wooden stairs into the basement and made our way to the bar. The place was wall to wall with men. Jane was the first to spot one of the guys that we had met earlier in the day and made a bee line straight for him. He was the sailor with the 'little peach' of a behind, Jane threw her arms around his neck as if she had known him all her life. Poor little guy didn't stand a chance. That's one down four to go I thought.

My eyes were suddenly full of dark chest hair as this tall sailor stepped in front of me. Slowly I raised my gaze and met a pair of beautiful brown eyes.

"Hi, I'm Tony" he held out his hand "what's your name?"

I couldn't remember my name at that point and mumbled the first thing that came into my head while shaking his hand. I began to wonder what I had said because he kept introducing me as 'Sue' to all his mates. I corrected him and the round of introductions began again. I looked at the girls and they were all talking with big smiles on their faces. Jackie had snagged a sun bronzed god with blonde hair, who would have been more at home on a surf board. Jenny was talking to three sailors at once, greedy girl. Hannah on the other hand was in 'deep conversation' with the lips of a sailor whose face I hadn't seen yet or was likely to see in the near future. Once we had established our territory it was time for a lippy break. I had to remove Hannah from the face of the sailor I hadn't seen yet and the suction between them was immense, it took both hands. He really was quite dishy.

The group moved off to the ladies loo to reapply their lipstick and adjust any sagging tights or wayward boobs and put back any hairs out of place. As we all tried to jostle for the mirror which was only big enough for two people the conversation started.

"What do you think of mine then?" said Hannah dreamily, her eyes glazing over as she tried to remove the lipstick that was half way up her face. She applied a fresh layer to her lips that wouldn't last long if she had her way.

"What's his name" I teased

"I don't know" said Hannah with a smug grin "I never gave him the chance to say a word." She puffed up her hair and then started to remove the lipstick from the corners of her mouth with her little finger. The girls all started to chatter at once. I tried to listen to the excited banter but they had all gone into 'shriek mode' as they relayed names and vital statistics. I could only think of that chest hair under that uniform and my mind was busy.

"Earth to Em, Earth to Em" said Jackie clicking her fingers at me, "which sewer was your mind in?" she laughed. I came back to reality and sighed. She looked and said "I think Em has found what we're all looking for" she nodded at the others and they all laughed.

"Have you seen his hairy chest" I sighed again at the thought of those broad shoulders and hairy chest.

"Ugh, I hate hairy chests" grimaced Jane "give me a smooth body any day."

"I like both" said Jenny "I'm not particular"

"So we've heard" chuckled Jackie "no I must admit I am partial to a hairy chest or two or three or four" she lapsed into hoots of laughter.

"Shush Jackie they'll hear us" warned Jenny trying to bring back a bit of decorum to the conversation. "Are we ready girls? Then let the games commence."

We tumbled out of the ladies loo all chattering and laughing, the guys looked puzzled.

"What the heck is in there" asked Tony "you girls sound like you've had a fun time" he looked bemused.

"Oh, we were just talking, you know how we girls talk" I laughed.

"What were you talking about?" he quizzed

I laughed out loud and looked at his chest and then at the other girls, they in turn started to laugh. The guys just carried on looking puzzled.

We left the Bier Kellar at about half past nine and took the lads along the road to Jo-annas. The night club was going to be busy tonight, so getting there early was the only way to get the whole group in. Past experience had taught us that the place would be heaving by ten. We knew the bouncers on the door. One of them by the name of Jock, he was from Scotland as the name suggests, worked at my office during the day. He smiled as I walked toward him, hand in hand with Tony.

"Got your hands full with that one" he quipped to Tony as he nodded in my direction. I'll get him back for that one on Monday morning I thought as I smiled through gritted teeth. He is going to get the biggest kick in the shins ever.

Tony laughed "He's right, I think I have got my hands full" and as he gently pulled me to him, he kissed me. Well, weak at the knees doesn't cover it, I think I heard the hallelujah chorus in the background.

Jane had bagged two tables and was busy arranging chairs around them just as the main group arrived. She had picked our favourite spot, between the ladies, the bar and the dancefloor. Perfect.

CHAPTER THREE

First port of call was the ladies again, I was breaking my neck for a wee, all that German lager goes straight through you like a ferrari. As I emerged from the loo Jane was busy back-combing her hair, Hannah was layering on more lipstick and Jackie was applying another layer of mascara. I watched in awe at the funny faces she was making in the mirror, as she tried to cover every lash, then as she spotted me making the same faces behind her, she poked the mascara brush in her eye.

"You stupid sow" she squealed as she tried not to rub her eye, waving her hands around and hopping from one foot to the other. Tears of black streaked one cheek and she started to resemble a reject from a Black Sabbath concert. "Look what you made me do, what were you playing at?" She turned to look at me with her good eye and I just fell about laughing.

"I'm sorry Jacks" I said trying to keep a straight face "I shouldn't have done that." I had to turn away as she muttered that she would be winking at everyone all night now. Jane and Hannah both fussed around with tissues and make-up remover and then got back to their own faces. I just sidled over to the corner mirror and proceeded to wash my hands. The door burst open and Jenny flew in at such a speed, screaming "FIDO ALERT, FIDO ALERT." I jumped back and spilt water all over my new dress. Now it was my turn to do the hopping dance and curse loudly. After a couple of minutes with the hot air hand drier, my dress was dry.

The girls had already followed Jenny back out into the club to sort out 'Fido'. Now, the person we have nicknamed Fido is an odious female called Sheila. The reason we call her by that nickname is pretty obvious, only trouble is, she gives dogs a bad name. As I arrived at the table Jackie and Fido were squared up to each other with Fido's sidekick, a hulking great brute of a woman called Tina, standing behind Jackie. First things first I thought, so I went and stood in front of Tina, whose nickname was Ten Ton, and pulled myself up to my full five feet, five inches, pushed my chest out and looked her squarely in the boobs. She had the habit of pushing people into Fido and starting a fight, I was making sure that Jackie's back was covered. Although the length of those big hairy arms would have easily have reached around me and the stench of her armpits would have floored a rhino, but I stood my ground.

Jock and a couple of his mates arrived and dragged Fido away to the other side of the club. They knew that Ten Ton would follow, because there was no way any of them could move her. Sure enough, she turned and followed like a lamb, well, a very big lamb. Jackie and I sat down and the matter was dropped. Hannah got back to the face of the cute sailor, Jane went up to dance with her fella and Jackie was in deep conversation with her bronzed surfer. Jenny was still talking to three sailors, they were all trying to outdo each other, with her in the middle. Lucky girl.

Tony and I started to talk about everything, in between we had a drink or two and a few dances. The evening went so quickly. I met up with the girls in the loo at about midnight, the conversation was to say the least, electric.

"Ben has invited us all onto the ship tomorrow" said Jane with a big grin that went around to the back of her head, "and he is going to show me where the captain sits when he drives the ship."

"You stupid mare, the captain doesn't drive the ship, he gives the orders for someone else to drive." said Hannah

"What, like a chauffeur?" mocked Jackie and then she proceeded to give a demonstration. " 'ome James, and don't spare the 'orses." We all laughed at her upper crust outburst. Jenny jumped in as the chauffeur.


"Yes madam, and will you be wanting a couple of half naked farmhands for the journey?" Jenny said with a laugh.

"Oh very funny" said Hannah "no I mean that..." she was stopped mid sentence.

"Yes Hannah, we know what you mean" laughed Jackie. "What time are we going though, because you lot all need your beauty sleep?" she mocked "Not that I do, my beauty is timeless." she said making a grotesque face. We all laughed and joined in with the face making. Just at that moment who should walk in but Fido. She stopped in her tracks and looked at the terrible faces we were pulling, she turned and went back out. The hoots of laughter that followed her must have echoed in her ears. "Stupid old trollop" muttered Jackie "I wonder whose man she has tried to nick tonight" Not that Fido succeeded very often, the men were usually blind drunk, unconscious or just plain desperate, to want her company.

We rejoined the guys and continued the evening. A medley of 'The Beach Boys' hits got the place singing, with everybody pretend surfing and swimming, it looked more like a beach than a nightclub. Then my personal favourite 'Rolling Stones' song, 'Brown Sugar' started and I began to dance around Tony. That's when I saw him, the man of my dreams, a blonde god leaning against the tree. Yes, I know it sounds crazy to have a tree in the middle of a nightclub but that's what Jo's had, a great big tree. Not a real tree mind you, but still, a column with branches that looked like a tree, and leaning against that big tree was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I stopped dancing and stared for what seemed like a life-time, our eyes had locked and I felt frozen to the spot. All of a sudden Tony appeared before me, blocking the vision of perfection. I came to my senses, Tony was a lovely guy and I should not be looking at... I peeked around Tony only to find the gorgeous man had gone. Damn, I thought, I was only looking and there is no harm in looking, is there?

After we sat down my eyes darted around the faces standing by the bar. I could see Jackie looking at me with a puzzled look on her face. She gestured to me to follow her for a chat, I made my excuses.

to be continued....