Two Hundred and Twenty Two Times

Two hundred and twenty two times I told you to get the fuck out and meant it, Shaking your head, you think those are my favorite words,
my sensitive trusting nature raped two hundred and twenty one times,
leaving me more than a little broken each time,everything that was sensitive in me transformed,
into a mutation of walls and really just don't give a damn airs,
Two hundred and twenty two times you kissed my tears away and told me I deserved better but you couldn't bare to let me go,
Two hundred and twenty two times I apologized when I didn't do anything wrong because it was easier than trying to defend myself against you,
you can't hurt me is what I say,
but it's a lie,
your mere presence hurts me,
Two hundred and twenty two times I cooked dinners you requested but didn't bother to show up for,
Two hundred and twenty two times I wondered if it was my fault I couldn't fix everything that was wrong with us,
looking at you everyday hurts the very core of me,
it just reminds me how I've lost myself in you, locked to you,
you didn't do it to me I did it to myself,
Two hundred and twenty two times you guilted me into staying by crying or begging or using my good nature against me,
losing just a little more respect for myself each time giving in because I didn't want to be the bad one,
I hate me more than I could ever hate you,
Two hundred and twenty two times you tried to buy my forgiveness with gifts and massive amounts of attention which you promptly eased up on as soon as you thought I was under your spell again,
So two hundred and twenty two times I started to walk away,
When you see me starting to turn,
either you can't live without me or I'm just a cruel whore,
depending on which way the wind's blowing,
Sarcasm is in my nature too, make no mistake,
Two hundred and twenty two times I fucked you even though someone else was on my mind,
and later fell asleep on another's chest with my ideal in my dreams,
Two hundred and twenty two times I said I love you too just to not start a fight,
Two hundred and twenty two times I let you make me less so you felt like you were more,
Two hundred and twenty two times I said goodbye,
Two hundred and twenty two times I fucked you after I made you go,
just to make myself feel better so you would quit saying I was deserting you,
One time I never looked back,
Breathe.