The Chat Line

The Chat Line
By S.E. Wallace

CABoy: Hi! Wanna chat?
SexySue: Sure!
CABoy: a/s/l?
SexySue: 19/f/Georgia
CABoy: too young
SexySue: What?
SexySue: Hey! Where’d you go?
SexySue: jerk
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CABoy: Hi! Wanna chat?
Skibunny1: K
CABoy: a/s/l?
Skibunny1: 26/f/Colo
CABoy: Stats?
Skibunny1: 5’6” blonde blue
CABoy: blonde…no thanks
Skibunny1: Say what?
Skibunny1: What’s wrong with blondes?
Skibunny1: R U there?
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CABoy: Hi! Wanna chat?
Princess2000: We could. Who are you?
CABoy: a/s/l?
Princess2000: 48/F/Nevada. You?
CABoy: What’s your stats?
Princess2000: 5’10” 180
CABoy: Cool. Grey hair?
Princess2000: No way! Lady Clairese keeps me young!
CABoy: you shouldn’t lie to people
Princess2000: I didn’t lie to you!
CABoy: you dye your hair
CABoy: people think you’re something that you’re not
CABoy: that’s lying
Princess2000: Buzz off, weirdo!
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CABoy: Hi! Wanna chat?
Sassy14U: What’s happenin?
CABoy: a/s/l?
Sassy14U: 46/F/OR
CABoy: stats?
Sassy14U: 5’7”, 120 lbs, blue, gray
CABoy: Wow! Bet you’re cute! Married?
Sassy14U: Divorced. You?
CABoy: same
CABoy: What do you do?
Sassy14U: 9 to 5 secretary (frown)
Sassy14U: 24/7 Mom (grin)
CABoy: You still have kids at home?
Sassy14U: Yep!
CABoy: ages?
Sassy14U: 14, 16
CABoy: not good.
Sassy14U: What? Says who?
Sassy14U: Hello?
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CABoy: Hi! Wanna chat?
olhippy: alright what’s your name?
CABoy: a/s/l?
olhippy: 45-f-wyoming what’s your name?
CABoy: What’s your stats?
olhippy: i asked first
CABoy: What are your stats?
olhippy: you must be chatting with too many people at one time
CABoy: Why do you say that?
olhippy: either that or you’re ignoring my question
olhippy: what’s your name?
olhippy: a-s-l? stats?
CABoy: Cya.
olhippy: not if I see you first
CABoy: witch
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CABoy: Hi! Wanna chat?
BeachGirl: I guess.
CABoy: a/s/l?
BeachGirl: What?
CABoy: age/sex/location?
BeachGirl: I’m 53, a woman and I live in California. How about you?
CABoy: Stats?
BeachGirl: Excuse me?
CABoy: I’m asking what your stats are.
BeachGirl: What are ‘stats?’
CABoy: Statistics. Height, weight, hair, eyes, etc.
BeachGirl: I’m 5’7” tall. I have gray hair and green eyes.
CABoy: Go on.
BeachGirl: I answered the part I chose to answer. My weight is my own business, if you don’t mind!
BeachGirl: Are you still there?
BeachGirl: Great. I scared another one off.
CABoy: I’m here. But, you got mad. I thought you didn’t want to talk anymore.
CABoy: Are you?
BeachGirl: What?
CABoy: Mad at me?
BeachGirl: No. Just frustrated. My friend made me get on this chat line so I could find a boyfriend.
CABoy: Have you? Am I intruding?
BeachGirl: No. And, no.
BeachGirl: This chat thing is so confusing.
CABoy: How so?
BeachGirl: You people talk a different language! ‘A-s-l.’ ‘Stats.’
BeachGirl: Tell me, what is ‘LOL?’
CABoy: Laughing Out Loud.
BeachGirl: What does that mean?
CABoy: When someone says that, they’re laughing at something you wrote.
BeachGirl: Oh! Thanks.
CABoy: Any more q’s? (q’s are questions)
BeachGirl: Thanks, yes. What is ‘ROFLMAO?’
CABoy: Rolling On Floor Laughing My (butt) Off.
BeachGirl: Oh! Like a really funny joke?
CABoy: Exactly.
BeachGirl: Thanks for your help.
CABoy: yw
CABoy: (you’re welcome)
CABoy: So, tell me what you’re upset about.
BeachGirl: I did…the chat language.
CABoy: Oh, I know about that. But there’s something else…
BeachGirl: I don’t think I should just open up to a stranger. No offense.
CABoy: None taken. But, I know how difficult it is to talk to people face-to-face, so it’s hard to unload. On the chat line, you’re just talking to a keyboard. You can say what you want.
BeachGirl: Alright, I guess it’s Ok. I’m just lonely, you know? I don’t know how to go out and meet people but I don’t want to be alone anymore, either.
CABoy: I understand. How long have you been alone?
BeachGirl: 5 years.
CABoy: OMG. How do you stand it? Doesn’t it make you crazy?
CABoy: (sorry…OMG is Oh My God)
BeachGirl: Thanks for the explanations, and for being so patient with me.
CABoy: yw
BeachGirl: And, you’re right. The loneliness is making me crazy! Somedays, I just want to run away. Or, worse.
CABoy: Worse? Are you saying you’ve considered suicide?
CABoy: Hello?
CABoy: Are you there?
CABoy: If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to. I’m just trying to help.
BeachGirl: I know. I couldn’t type. Crying.
CABoy: I wish I was there so I could give you a hug right now.
BeachGirl: You’re very nice.
CABoy: Thanks. But, I’m really worried about you. I want to come over and see you. Just to talk, you know? No nasty stuff. I’m not sex starved like the other guys.
BeachGirl: I‘m sure you‘re not. And, I’d like to invite you.
CABoy: But…?
BeachGirl: Don’t get offended, Ok? I just don’t know you very well.
CABoy: Oh, I understand! Women have to be careful. You never know what could happen.
BeachGirl: Right. You’re not insulted, are you?
CABoy: No, no! You’re being cautious.
CABoy: My mom wasn’t cautious.
BeachGirl: What happened?
BeachGirl: Hello?
BeachGirl: Are you alright?
CABoy: Sorry, I spaced.
CABoy: Mom let a guy in her apartment. He hurt her. Bad.
BeachGirl: I’m sorry! Is she Ok?
CABoy: She was too trusting.
BeachGirl: Was?
CABoy: Yeah. Was.
BeachGirl: Oh, no!
CABoy: Anyway, what I’m saying is, I’ll understand if you don’t want me to come over. You don’t know that I can be trusted.
BeachGirl: You know, I’ll bet you’re one of the few guys I could trust.
CABoy: Thanks.
CABoy: What’s your name?
BeachGirl: Sandy. And you?
CABoy: Joe.
BeachGirl: Nice to meet you.
CABoy: Likewise.
CABoy: Here’s an idea. Want to get together for coffee? We could still meet each other, but it would be in a public place. You wouldn’t have to worry about being alone with me, or me, knowing where you live. What do you think?
BeachGirl: That sounds Ok.
CABoy: Where do you live?
CABoy: I mean, tell me the name of a big town that’s near you.
BeachGirl: San Diego.
CABoy: Great! Me, too! We could meet at Sea World. You can’t get more public than that!
BeachGirl: I’d like that! When can we do this?
CABoy: How about tomorrow morning? Not too early, though. I’ll bet you sleep in on Saturdays.
BeachGirl: Not if I have somewhere special to go!
CABoy: Ok. Let’s meet at the entrance at 9:00.
BeachGirl: How will I know you?
CABoy: I’ll be the guy holding the roses.
BeachGirl: Oh, how sweet!
CABoy: (blushing) Can’t wait to meet you, Sandy. Pleasant dreams!
BeachGirl: Good night, Joe!
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Local Woman Raped, Tortured.

         (AP - Reuters) Sandy Henson, 53, was found in her San Diego apartment last night, an apparent victim of the man known as the Email Stalker. Ms. Henson told the police that she and a man named Joe began a relationship through a chat line, and met at Sea World a week ago. When they stopped at her home so she could get a warmer coat, he followed her, knocking her unconscious. When she awoke, she was handcuffed and gagged.
         Ms. Henson is at St. Martha’s Medical Center, in critical condition. Her doctors say the outlook is grim.
         San Diego PD believe the man they are looking for is Joseph McMatty, a serial killer who’s wanted in several states. He began his reign of terror in Nevada last year when he raped and beat his elderly mother…………

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WYGuy: Hi! Wanna chat?
SusieQ2002: LOL I’m not sure if I should! Did you see the news about that poor gal they found in California?
WYGuy: The one that got beat up by some guy she met on the internet?
SusieQ2002: Yeah, that’s the one.
WYGuy: Wasn’t that horrible? I don’t understand why women let these guys know where they live! Why didn’t they stay in a public place? Gives us Christian guys a bad name, you know?
SusieQ2002: You’re Christian? Me, too!
WYGuy: Really? That’s wonderful! It’ll be nice to hear some clean talk. I get so tired of people who only want to talk dirty.
SusieQ2002: I agree!
WYGuy: Hey, maybe you could do me a favor. I’m new in town and I don’t know any good churches. Could you recommend one?
SusieQ2002: I can recommend mine. It’s the big church next to City Park.
WYGuy: I’m sorry. I’m really new in town! I don’t know where City Park is.
SusieQ2002: Oh, no problem. It’s easy to get to. I’ll give you directions.
WYGuy: Make it real easy, Ok? Lol I don’t have a car yet, so I’ll be hoofing it.
SusieQ2002: Oh, no! It’s supposed to rain this weekend. Maybe I could pick you up…?
WYGuy: Could you? That’d be great! I’d pay for your gas. And, after church, if you want, we could.....