Dreams Gone By

1962

         Angel sat on the old, weather-worn bench in the courtyard of her apartment building. She pulled her sweater tightly around her as a chilly, autumn breeze drifted by, nipping at her cheeks and nose. She sniffled and crossed her legs to make herself more comfortable, her thoughts running away from her.


         She took a deep breath and sighed it out heavily as she cried to herself, I’m only sixteen years old! She fought back the tears, her bottom lip puckering out in a pout. She was too young to deal with such mature situations. How did this happen to her?


         You know how this happened to you, a voice echoed in her mind.


         Angel closed her eyes and shook her head, not wanting to hear the voice of reason that was berating her with guilt. She knew she was responsible for her own actions. She was aware of the fact that she had done this to herself.


         A tear broke through her brave front and slowly trickled down her icy cheek. She whisked it away with the back of her hand and clenched her jaw with anger. This wasn’t fair. How could they have been so stupid? Why had she been so careless with her own body? She knew better. She was in the top of her class at school. How could she have so much book smarts and be so foolish with her personal life?


         Daddy is going to kill me, she thought to herself. How was she going to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him his little baby girl messed up? She knew how important she was to her father. It was hard not to see that his world revolved around her. He had sacrificed so much, working two full time jobs and fixing old, run down cars in town to save enough money to send her to college. She was supposed to be the first in her family to go. After all that hard work, she now had to tell him she wouldn’t be able to finish high school anytime soon because she was pregnant.


         Jonathan’s parents were also going to be infuriated, she knew. His family was very strict in their Catholic ways. They would insist they get married as soon as possible. She knew neither she nor Jonathan were ready for marriage. They weren’t even capable of picking out a college to go to! Now they were going to have to raise a baby and, more than likely, make a marriage work? Were they even truly in love? How would they know? They were too young.


         More tears slid down her face as the reality of her future began to sink into her. She would be the laughing-stock in town. Everyone would gossip about her behind her back. Everyone would use her name as a threat to their children. “You don’t want to end up like Angel DiMarco, do you?” they would say. Her parents had done the same to her all her life, only the example was a Debbie Williams who found herself pregnant as a teen seven years earlier. She had run away soon after word got out, and no one had seen or heard from her since.


         She glanced down at her watch, wondering where Jonathan was. She had told him to meet her here at three o’clock. It was almost three thirty. Had he somehow figured it out? Jonathan was very perceptive when it came to her. He knew she was getting tested. He knew there was a chance...

         What was he going to say when he found out she was pregnant? Would he leave her and make her fend for herself? Would he do what Debbie Williams’ boyfriend had done to her? Would he deny he ever dated her, so it couldn’t possibly be his child?


         Panic began to fill Angel with apprehension as her mind swam with a thousand dreadful would-be scenarios. But everything kept coming back to the scariest question in her heart. How was she going to be a mother when she was only sixteen years old? All of her hopes and dreams of going to college, making her daddy proud of her, becoming a huge success one day…it was all gone. Everything was ruined. She was going to be a teen mother and there wasn’t much else for her future now.


         She heard the shuffling of feet crunching on the dried out leaves as someone treaded toward her. She slowly brought her eyes up to see Jonathan’s smiling face beaming at her. He had no idea his world was about to be torn to shreds, she thought. If only he knew that his childhood was about to be ripped away from him in a matter of seconds, he wouldn’t be grinning at her like that. Please don’t hate me, she prayed, her body beginning to tremble with anxiety.


         Jonathan bent over and kissed her on her cheek before he sat down on the bench next to her. “Hello, doll,” he sang, draping his arm around her shoulders.


         Angel swallowed against the lump that had formed in her throat. How was she supposed to look him in the eyes and steal his future from him? Unable to contain her emotions any longer, she dropped her chin to her chest and began sobbing openly.


         Jonathan frown and gazed at Angel. Deep down inside, he knew what was wrong.


         It was time to face the inevitable. Meeting his gaze, Angel whispered, “It was positive."

         Jonathan sighed, surprised to find he wasn't that upset about losing college. In his mind, he was gaining so much more. Maybe, with time, Angel would agree.

         They'd be married by the end of the month. He'd get a job, they'd have a family... She was what he wanted, not school. He didn't regret losing college. Angel would realize soon that this wasn't the end of the world. He hoped...