Goodbye My Love...

My Love,

Our time has come. And as I write these final words I'm thinking back on the years that we've spent together. My mother brought us together and because of that I trusted you completely. I think back on the first time we met when I was still a child. I'm able to feel the excitement I felt when I first laid eyes on you and the anticipation I experienced when we were first alone. The warmth of you in my blood, your scent, your taste. From the time we were first together I knew that it was to be forever. I knew I'd let nothing come between us and I'd do anything to keep you. Yes my love, even as a child I was ready to give my life for you. For once you entered my life, nothing else mattered and nothing would ever be the same. Because my love for you was so strong I easily disposed of my family and friends. And that was easy because you filled every need all the time. As long as you were near, I needed for nothing. You were perfect my love. I can remember the occasions that we were separated and how my life instantly became a living hell, how I became deathly ill in your absence only to become completely invigorated upon your return. Yeah, it would be accurate to say...you were the air that I breathed and the water I drank.

From the beginning I've admired your inner beauty, honesty, faithfulness and consistency. You promised these virtues and never wavered. I want you to know that I blame you for nothing, you did nothing wrong. You stayed with me through good times and bad. You consoled me when I was down and celebrated with me when I was rolling. I accept the blame for our dissolution completely. And as this day has grown near I've used every ounce of energy to find a way to avoid our parting but the truth of the matter remains unchanged. I'm no longer worthy of you. I no longer have anything to bring to the relationship. My body is weak and my thoughts confused. I beg for my food and sleep where I fall. Where there was great joy and pride of having you is now replaced with shame, guilt and despair. I no longer have anything to bring to the relationship except certain death. So it is with great sadness that I must turn my back on you. It is the only way for me to survive. I can promise you that I'll never forget you and your absence will cause me great pain for a very long time.

All My Love, Joey

This was a letter I wrote to my drug of choice, heroin. I wrote it in 1996 while in Federal Prison and have since been released. Although my crimes never harmed anyone I was on the run for many years before my capture. I sincerely believe that prison saved my life.
I'm happy to say that I've been clean and sober for the past eleven years. Although it's taken some time I"ve recently built and paid for a new home, have a successful career(most of the time)and enjoy a loving relationship with my 12 year old son. Thanks for allowing me to share.