Dear God

*November 2004*

Dear God,
I know You're there
You've promised to never leave.
But I can't feel You, hear You.
Are You really with me?
I've said the prayer
A million times to be sure.
I feel so lost right now,
I'm searching for more.
As my tears
Fall on this page,
I'm so scared
That I might not be saved.
How am I to know?
What if I'm lost?
I know that You died for me;
You paid the cost.
But I still feel
So alone, so afraid.
I feel like this
Day after day.
Am I like this for a reason?
What am I being taught?
Is this a life lesson?
What is this web that has me caught?
I'm desperately trying
To set myself free;
But the more I struggle,
The more tangled up I seem to be.
Do You hear my cries?
Do You see the tears?
Do You see past my smile
Into all my fears?
I want You to be real to me.
Be so in love with You.
Enjoying reading your book,
Like I used to.
But no matter how I try,
I can't reach that place.
Where I can hear Your voice,
See Your face.
Please answer me!
I need You more than ever.
I hope the ties between us
Have not been severed.
Please take my hand,
Bring me to You;
So I'll be surrounded
By all that is true.
I love You, Lord.
I need You so bad.
But I know at me
You must be so mad.
I've ignored You
For so long.
Everything I've done
Has been so wrong.
Will I ever
Do anything right?
And can I ever be for You
A shining light?
Please don't hide Your face.
I'm so sorry for all I've done.
All You've ever done is love me.
All I've ever done is run.
Safely in Your arms
I long to be.
Tell me God, is there hope for me?
Can I have
Eternal life?
Or have I caused
Way too much strife?
The thought of it
Scares me to death.
I dream of You coming
And me being left.
I tremble in fear.
My heart skips a beat.
I throw myself down
At Your feet.
My God! My God!
So badly I need You!
How did I ever turn my back
On someone so loving and true?
And slowly You lift
Me to my feet.
"My child, I love you."
Your voice soft and sweet.
Your gentle hand
Wipes away my tears;
And without a word,
You erase my fears.
"My child, I have
Always been
And will be
Here 'til the end.
I love you so much,
And always have.
And when you were crying,
It made me sad.
That you could feel
So worthless and unwanted.
When you're a child of the King.
It left me daunted."
Despair in my eyes
Replaced by your light.
I now know You are with me
Morning, noon and night.
Thank You God,
My Savior, My king.
For loving me,
Despite everything.
And now whenever
I start to feel depressed,
I think of Your love
And the gloom is repressed.
I'm still in awe
Of Your unsurpassed love.
You love me even though
I could never do enough.
I don't understand it.
But thankful I am
That I can walk with You,
Hand in hand.