Love : Online

Disclaimer:
Any ideas, thoughts, feelings or statements in the following works relate to no one in particular and are just verbalisations of my own wonderings.

Love : Online

For some reason I find myself wanting to write a thesis on the internet, and relationships (of any kind) formed and carried out thereon. I may ramble on a bit, I’m sorry. Stick it out; there is a point to it. Firstly I’m gonna state a few generalisations I’ll be referring to, and I apologise for this before hand, but it’s necessary.

’Internet Generation’
I will use this term a few times, but let me just clear up what I mean. I am referring to people who have grown up with the Internet and all it offers as an easily accessible commodity. Should you be looking for an age range, I would say somewhere between 12 and 25 currently. No offence is meant to anyone over or under this age group at all, as it’s obvious to everyone that people from 4 to 90 use the Internet for a massive variety of reasons with great enthusiasm and competence. No, I am referring to those people who have not grown up with it, or in to it, and have not been subjected to it for work or pleasure.

’Internet Ignorants’
This one encompasses people who just plain don’t understand the Internet, or those people who think it’s just good for porn and computer games. Many people think the Internet is for "sad" people, people with "no lives” who don’t have proper friends or things to do in the real world. The kind of people who laugh at you for sitting in a chat room talking to friends, as if it’s any different from going to the local bar and chatting with friends there. The kind of people who are completely closed minded and sceptical about anything relating to the ‘net, or computers at all, for that matter.

With that cleared up, I shall go on.

I’m 21, and male when last I checked. I have in the past held down several long-term relationships with different girls (thankfully, not at the same time…). I have friends, I go out, and I socialise. I have also been using computers and the Internet since I was 16. I started off talking to friends from school on MSN Messenger, researching things that interested me, and looking up stuff for college.

After leaving college I got a job, left, and took the position I now currently hold. What with a DSL Internet connection, and quiet summer days at work, something was bound to happen. One day I stumbled upon the MSN chat homepage. Believe it or not, up until this point I had never been in a chat room before, in several years of ‘net use. So, one caught my eye, calling itself the Adult Games Room. No, not those kind of adult games, stop looking at me like that, get your minds out of the gutter for just one moment. Things like hangman, quizzes, truth or dare, just all done in an adult environment with an 18+ rating, just to keep out kids, protecting their safety in fact.

I was welcomed into this friendly chat room with open arms and soon found myself coming back on a daily basis. I played games, made friends, became a host. I was even invited to join the exclusive community of the chat room, woohoo. I have made some of my closest friends in the world from that chat room, and associated activities. And here we get to one of the main points.

When you’re talking to people online you get to know the actual person and not their physicality, or mannerisms or anything.

This makes a big difference to things, you see. You make friends In Real Life (IRL), but these friends are made not only based on personality but physical interactions also, and the way you relate to each other when you are together. Sometimes good friendships are built on hugs and playing together, physical company. Someone to spend time with, a partner for activities because you get along well. On the flip side, sometimes good friendships are based on an intellectual, emotional and personal connection. You know, someone you just get on with instantly and can talk to about anything, have fun messing about with, a mental companion rather than a physical one.

I think this is something Internet Ignorants and people not of the Internet Generation tend to forget sometimes. It’s not really their fault, since it’s not something they are likely to have experienced themselves. How else would you meet someone completely anonymously, then grow into being friends through repeated conversation alone?

Case and point (exempt from the disclaimer... sorry)
I am taking a trip early next year from the UK to Canada to visit a friend who is someone I’m very close to and care about deeply. We met through a website due to a chance occurrence and hit it off immediately. We talk all the time; she’s an incredibly good friend. When talking to my father about my trip, he came out with this:
”Isn’t it a bit far to go to see someone you only know over the Internet?”
Would it be a bit far to go if it were an old friend who'd moved overseas from here? Probably not. People just don’t seem to grasp the concept of friendship being formed merely from conversation, no matter what the length of time you have known the person. So what if I only know her online? You think that many months of conversation about anything and everything can’t lead you to know a person?

This brings me nicely into one of the points people raise about any kind of Internet interactions: People online may not be who they say they are. They could make any old thing up.

Yes, of course they could, you’re right. But, how’s that so different to real life? Really, lets take a minute and think about it. You go to a bar one night with some friends (shock horror!) and meet someone nice. You chat, exchange numbers and go your separate ways. One of you calls the other and soon you go out on more dates. So far, this is fairly similar to meeting someone in a chat room, swapping email addresses and chatting again a few times. People say “Oh but how do you know people online are telling the truth?” You don’t. How do you know that person in the bar is telling you the truth with anything they say? You don’t. People seem to forget that it’s just as easy to lie IRL than it is on a computer.

The key here is trust. You meet someone in a bar, talk to them, see them again. Through all of this you’re building up trust in them that they’re being genuine and honest. You meet someone in a chat room and talk again a few times. Through all of this you’re building up trust in them that they’re being genuine and honest. Really, where is the difference? If anything, you’ve more reason to lie IRL, as you might get something out of it, be it a one night stand or marrying a rich dying old man by saying you love him.

So, we come to the second argument that Internet Ignorants use: It can’t be serious, it’s only over the ‘net.

Ha! I repeat, ha! So, based on that [il]logic, if a young man went to war and left his wife at home for ten years and they only communicated by letter, the love there would just dwindle and fade would it? If someone were sent to work overseas and only had email to communicate with their partner, the relationship would fall apart? I think not. Perhaps these examples are slightly different because the people have met before hand, but the point still stands that you don’t have to have proximity or physical contact to be close to someone. You don’t ever have to have it.

Most of my closest friends live in other countries, on other continents, and I’ll never meet them. This doesn’t bother me at all because I know I have a connection with them deeper than I do with a lot of people in the real world. I’d happily talk to them when something’s bothering me, or if I want a laugh and a joke.

To sum up... Can relationships of any kind online be as worthwhile and strong and deep as ones with someone in this real world we live in? Yes, sometimes even deeper and more meaningful.
Can you fall in love online? Well, however you define love, the answer’s yes, of course you can. It’s easier to fall for someone’s personality so completely when that’s all you have.

They say love is blind, so let it be...