Engagement rumors

Ummm...just pieces of the story I'm trying to write..nothing finished

When rumors abounded that Jackson Grant would soon ask for Julianne Wickham's hand in marriage, Charlotte dismissed it as idle parlor gossip. But it didn't help when all her mother and sister could talk about around tea or the dinner table was that very subject. Charlotte soon learned to tune them out. It's not that they were trying to hurt Charlotte, it's just that Charlotte had learned to conceal her feelings more. She would not let what happened at the Clarkes' picnic ever happen again. She would not give people a chance to laugh at her again. She'd learned her lesson and would never again moon over a boy who was not in love with her. At least, she tried not to. But then Jackson would smile her or make her laugh or tell her her gown looked lovely on her and she would be completely head over heels again. It was exhausting trying to remain aloof and cool with someone who would seem to have none of it. Ever the comic, he'd steal up behind her when she least expected it at a party and make a joke about Mrs. Clarke's hair or the timbre of Mrs. Palfrey's voice. Charlotte found it hard to suppress her laughter at these moments and would turn to find Jackson smiling in a devilish manner, looking like a mischievous boy of thirteen instead of the man he was. Then he would look at her as if he'd just noticed her, really noticed her, and say, "You look gorgeous tonight, Charlotte."

******

It was not long after the announcement of the engagement that Charlotte and Jackson's relationship began to change. He no longer joked and played with her, but that was to be expected. Charlotte was beside herself with grief over the whole affair. She felt she'd never get over the fact that Jackson was lost to her forever. She expected that Julianne would have her way in keeping Jackson on a very short leash, but she didn't expect it to be so drastic so soon. Jackson would often stop by on his morning walks and pass the time in the Carter's parlor, drinking coffee and talking with Charlotte, but suddenly all that stopped. In fact, Charlotte kept watch for him from her bedroom on most mornings to see if she could catch him walking by and coax him into the house, but it seemed Jackson no longer took his morning walks or he was taking a different route. One that didn't pass by the Carter's home.

Charlotte knew the reasons but found it hard to understand. She counted Jackson as one of her closest friends and cared about him a great deal as a person first and foremost. No matter who she married she couldn't ever imagine cutting off that friendship because her fiance disapproved.

It was this that eventually broke Charlotte. Her mother often asked her where Jackson had been lately and if she'd heard from him. "I do miss the dear boy." And she wasn't the only one. Charlotte began to lounge about the house more and ask that she be excused from making the family's round of calls. She even began to skip parties and balls. Her listlessness eventually got the better of her and everything around her became ugly and ordinary, and what point was there to social functions now when she was sure that she would be an old maid forever. Her only real friend had abandoned her and she felt it keenly.

Her depression soon gave way to anger. Who was he to treat her and her family so badly? The Carters had been nothing but kind to him and this slight was the height of rudeness. Charlotte voiced her opinion on the matter over supper that evening. "I am sure Mr. Grant is busy with preparations for his wedding to dear Julianne," said Dolly. "And besides, his obligations are to her now. Her and her family."

"You do not think it is rude to ignore close family friends with not so much as a by-your-leave?" Charlotte shot back.

Dolly looked up in surprise at her eldest daughter. "No," she replied, "I understand his reasons and I do not take offense." Dolly looked across the table at her husband who smiled back at her reassuringly.

"Your mother is right dear. When you are married you will know what she is speaking of." With that, the conversation was ended.

Julianne had asked Amelia to be one of her bridesmaids and Charlotte could hardly endure her and her sister's squeals and laughter while they talked of the wedding plans around tea when Julianne came to call. Her mother frequently joined in and gave her advice, moaning about the fact that neither of her daughters had yet to choose a husband and that she must vicariously live through Julianne's experience for the moment. Charlotte, however, was only able to sit through a couple of these meetings, barely able to keep herself from rolling her eyes or sighing in an exasperating manner.

Her curiosity and anger finally got the better of her one afternoon when she decided, good manners or no, Jackson had certainly not practiced them and neither would she. She walked the three blocks to his house, practicing what she would say to him in her mind. But even as her temper flared, she knew in her heart that once she came face to face with him, that anger would dissipate.

She made the turn into the Grant's walkway and saw Franklin, their groundskeeper, in the front yard tending to Mrs. Grant's flowers. He smiled broadly when he saw it was her. "Good afternoon, Miss Charlotte!"

"Good afternoon, Franklin. Is Mr. Jackson at home?"

"I believe so, Miss Charlotte. He's feelin' kind of poorly today and decided not to go callin' with Mr. and Mrs. Grant."

Charlotte smiled her thanks and proceeded to climb the steps to the front door. Before knocking, she smoothed out the fabric of her skirt and tried to catch her reflection in the front door glass. She took a deep breath and rapped her knuckles against the door.

At once, Rosa, one of the Grant's many house servants, answered the door and led her into the sitting room. She was only in there a moment before Jackson came in, treating her as if nothing had changed and he hadn't affronted her in the slighest. He grabbed up her hands and looked on her face as though he hadn't seen her in years instead of weeks.

"Oh, Charlotte, where have you been these past weeks?! I haven't seen you at a ball or a party in ages it seems!"

"Where have I been? Where have you been?" she asked with acid in her voice.

Charlotte hadn't meant to blurt it out but there it was, and the look on Jackson's face made her wish she could take it back.

"Are you angry with me, Charlotte?" he asked meekly. The way he wouldn't meet her gaze told her he knew what she was speaking of and why she was treating him this way.

Charlotte wanted to cry at this angry outburst but drew in a deep breath and said, "Why have you not been to see us, Jackson?" She cast her eyes to the ground and realized she had put herself in a very awkward position.

She'd revealed too much of herself to Jackson. She stood before him now a vulnerable woman and regretted coming. Julianne would certainly hear of this meeting and spread the word to anyone who would listen.

"I--I," he stammered. He finally gave up with an exasperated sigh and raked his fingers through his hair. "There is no excuse I can offer, Charlotte. I am sorry. Please do not be cross with me and please say that we are friends again."

Whatever anger and disappointment she felt at Jackson's offense dissipated as soon as he said those last words. Of course, they would be friends again. She also knew he was being a completely perfect gentleman in allowing himself to take the blame. It was Julianne who was to blame for his absence but he would never admit it. He was loyal to a fault, and even more so to Julianne and her family. It made Charlotte love him all the more.

"Yes, but only if you sit down with me and catch up," she replied, beaming upon him her most loving smile. "Franklin says you aren't feeling well. You are not ill, I hope?"

"No, no, you need not worry," he assured her, leading her over to the parlor sofa. "Just a night out with the boys has proven too much for me, I'm afraid."

"Well it is a joyous occasion," Charlotte forced herself to say. "The union of two wonderful people is always cause for celebration."

Jackson smiled at this and nodded in agreement. His eyes seemed to search hers for a moment, and he cocked his brow in a curious fashion, almost as if he could recognize that her words weren't altogether genuine. "Yes, well, I am happy. Soon I will be a married man. I never thought I would see the day."

"I know," replied Charlotte. "I wish I could just stop the clock and keep things as they are right now. With Amelia being a bridesmaid, Mother has been at her night and day to choose a suitor for her own wedding." Charlotte laughed and looked down into her lap.

"And how is our little bit of sunshine?" Jackson asked good-naturedly.

"She's well."

"And our dear mother?" he countered.



THE REVELATION

It was at this party that she saw Jackson again for the first time in almost a year. She'd heard whispers that his appearance and attitude had changed dramatically. He was no longer the happy-go-lucky boy he once was. She had heard tale that he was sullen and moody and that he had taken to drinking large amounts and that he had gained weight because of it.

The Jackson that walked over her threshold that night was a shocking sight indeed. He was sloppily dressed and his hair and beard were unkempt. Julianne was on his arm and, of course, she looked a fashion plate. There were a number of things that Charlotte noticed about Jackson that were different, and it wasn't just his physical appearance. The beautiful sparkle that once consumed his beautiful eyes was gone now and he no longer walked upright and proud. His shoulders were slumped and the bounce that was in his step was gone. He looked a man beaten in every way possible.

Charlotte's heart constricted with emotion, and she wanted to run to him and take her in his arms and hold him until everything was okay.

******


"Charlotte, you look gorgeous tonight," he said with that old teasing note in his voice.

She looked into his eyes and it was as if she'd turned back time. They were children again and her heart swelled with tender emotion at his smile.

"Thank you Jackson," she said smiling back at him with all the love in her heart.

******


"If only I could get this...baby blubber off me!"

"Oh, you've always been beautiful to me. But now you glow. Having a child certainly agrees with you, dear friend."

"And Julianne is so good with him. I lay wager you are most anxious for a son yourself."

Jackson didn't respond but when she looked at him he was suddenly somber. His face was as dark and brooding as a raincloud on a beautiful spring day. Charlotte had never seen him this way and it worried her. Something was definitely going on just below the surface and the way he glared at Julianne now made Charlotte convinced that Julianne had something to do with it. Just what, she didn't want to speculate, because she'd always prided herself at not being like the other gossip-mongers in their group.

Her worry must have been plain in her face for when he turned to look at her, he replaced his dark and somber stare with a bright and cheery smile, the smile she loved and always had. He was so close to her she could see his dimples through his beard.

******

"Charlotte, I've been a fool all these years. I married the wrong person.."

Charlotte didn't quite know how to respond to this revelation. The conversation wasn't a suitable one to be having, even with a close friend, but Charlotte couldn't help but be intrigued and hoped he would say more. She quickly took in her surroundings and surmised that no one would be able to hear them where they were standing. Even so, she hooked her arm through his and whispered, "Will you take a turn with me, Jackson?"

She guided him away from the mass but said nothing more, hoping he would do the talking. The thrill of his touch still made her blush up to her hairline. Nothing had changed. He still held sway over her heart and this troubled Charlotte. Suddenly she was ashamed. She felt as though she'd wronged Douglas and even little Jameson or cheated them in some way. And perhaps she had.

She quickly removed her hand from Jackson's arm. "Fond as I am of you Jackson, I don't believe this is the sort of thing we should be speaking of. It isn't right and scandalous at best. If anyone should hear..."

Jackson just scoffed. "Charlotte, there was a time when we could speak on anything we wished."

"Well, that time has passed," she replied firmly. "It isn't fair to your wife who is in the next room."

"My wife," he said disdainfully, downing the rest of his champagne.

Charlotte wanted to know just what was wrong in his marriage. She wanted to know desperately. More than anything, she wanted to be the shoulder he cried on, the person whom he confided in because she did still care for him as a friend. She wished to see that sparkle back in his eyes and the bounce back in his step. She wanted to see him happy again.

But she was well aware of the indecency of listening to a man talk this way about his wife, a man who was clearly affected by the party spirit, a man who probably wouldn't remember the things he said the next morning. She couldn't rightfully call herself a lady for allowing the conversation to take place. It was uncouth.

If she ever found out that Douglas had talked about their affrairs with another woman, she could never forgive him. She would feel betrayed and embarrassed and mortified beyond comprehension. What goes on in one's family should stay in one's family, no matter what the circumstances.

"I-I have missed you a great deal, Jackson. More than you realize. I miss the way things were when we were young but...those days are over for us. Life isn't quite what I expected either but I've had to accept it," Charlotte finished.

Jackson looked at her incredulously. "That's lovely, Charlotte," he said, sarcasm dripping in his voice, "I had not expected a lecture, least of all from you."

"What has happened to you, Jackson?" Charlotte asked him sadly. "What happened to the boy I once knew?"

"He grew up," said he, smiling a bittersweet smile. "And what is it about your life that you've had to adjust to? You seem very happy with the choices you've made."

It took Charlotte a moment to respond for she was happy with the choices she made. But she couldn't help feeling at times that she was unfulfilled. She would probably always love Jackson, in fact, she knew she would, and she couldn't help wondering what would have happened had Jackson picked her. What would have happened if she'd gotten the love of her life to look her way just once in a more serious and romantic light? The possibilities drove her insane. She couldn't let them go, no matter how hard she tried. She still looked back on her childhood days with regret at not being more aggressive in pursuit of her happiness. She could have made Jackson a better wife than Julianne.

"I can't really say," she answered. "I just thought it would be..so different."