A Mouse's Tale

A Mouse's Tale
By Donna Lowich


I landed with a mild “thud”, my fall having been broken by the branches of an azalea
bush. As I landed, I noticed three shadows all rushing towards me. My heart, still racing from my just-ended adventure, was almost pounding through my chest wall. As they loomed closer and closer, I recognized them as three of my friends. They swarmed around me; I don’t remember what they said, exactly, but there were many cheers and much back-slapping going on. There were high-fives all around.

Much to celebrate and so much to relate--after all, I had taken up their challenge to enter this house that belonged to the yard with the azalea bush that had broken my fall just moments ago--and meet up face to face with the TWO cats that reside here, the TWO cats whose sole function is to keep me out of the house. I did all that, and so much more.


I stood up, brushed off my clothes, turned around and looked at the house I had just exited from--with some assistance from the homeowner. I took a deep breath, I threw my head back, and laughed the loudest and the hardest that I ever have.

Where was the humor in being trapped in a shoebox and then unceremoniously dumped into the bushes? Well, that’s only part of the story.

Wait until you hear the whole story. MY story.

“I dare you.”

“I double dare you.”

“I double-dog dare you.”

Those were the words that had started it all. The words of a challenge that would bring me out of my world of books and words and computers and into a world that would bring me face-to-face with my natural enemies, and many obstacles along the way, for I come from the more cerebral family line of field mice. We make our way through life by thinking deep, profound thoughts. We don’t take risks, that’s not our way. So, when I accepted the challenge of entering a house with TWO cats, no one was more surprised than I! How could I undertake this dare, when I had never ventured more than fifty yards from my home in the woods? On the other hand, how could I not accept? My mousehood was at stake...after all, I didn’t want anyone to sneer at me, “What are you, a Mouse, or...a man?”


Well, now that I had, at least temporarily rescued my mousehood, it dawned on me, that in its place, I had endangered my very LIFE. The dare? To cross the backyard, enter the house, meet up with the cats and bring out proof that the encounter had really taken place. Mousehood or no mousehood, I was feeling a bit worried. What had I just gotten myself into? I was in poor physical condition--out of shape, really, for this type of adventure, and I realized how little in the way of actual mouse skills I had actually acquired in my lifetime--very little, in fact. It would take a LOT of planning and preparations for my adventure to put it into the range where it could even be possible for me to succeed.


The fully-formed fear finally hit full force. “Omigosh!! What have I gotten myself into? What am I going to do?” These and other questions kept dogging me as I tried to get past my fear. I had to concentrate, after all, on The Plan, or else all would be lost. But it was impossible. Reading about others’ adventures was going to do little or nothing to help me out with my situation. I ended up simply making a diagram of the house, and decided that I was just going to have to do it on my own. The less I thought about it, I concluded, the better off I would be.


Two days’ notice, that’s all I’ll need. I’ll have to travel light--I’ll take my map and a diary and maybe a grappling hook to scale walls, but that’s it. Under the cloak of darkness, I’ll make my way across the yard unnoticed, and slip into the house through the basement. There. That much of the plan was written down and I kind of knew what to do, but some things would have to be left up to chance. There was no way around that. I’ll have to be at the top of my game.


Here’s the way it happened, as I remember it.
*************************************************************************************************

Here it is, nearly dawn of the day of my Big Adventure. This whole thing is so entirely out of the realm of my experience, I’m not quite sure what I should be feeling, or how I should be behaving. Looking around my little house and how comfortable it was in its familiarity, I decided to be nervous. Nervous feels right.
Having that out of the way, I got dressed, packed up the few possessions that I had already decided to take with me, and left my house.

Zigzagging across the yard, I imitated the military-style movement, darting from
behind one tree to the next, just as I had seen in so many movies and read about in many books, although I wasn’t quite sure just HOW the zigzags were going to help me. After all, the most dangerous part of my journey would be once I slipped into the house where the TWO cats reside.

I mentally made notes to my diary, so that when I had a few moments, I could quickly jot them down, or they would be forever lost as the onslaught of events overtook me. As I leaned against the tree, gasping for air, I took notice of my path thus far. I was huffing and puffing, but certainly was in no shape to blow anyone’s house down! I still can’t figure out how the wolf of Three Little Pigs fame did that!! He obviously was in much better shape than THIS little gray field mouse! But, I digress. I was about seventy-five feet from my house, and about half-way across the yard. Mentally, I was never more alert. Physically, I was a wreck. My first note in my diary:


April 7
Early AM

Dear Diary,

Just one note to myself: MAKE TIME FOR THE GYM. LOTS OF TIME.

I needed more rest. But there was no time. Daybreak was near, and I had half of the yard to cross. I wanted to be in the house before the light of day, when the cats would be more likely be asleep. I’ll have to figure out what proof of my escapade to I’d need to bring out later on. First things first.


I pressed on with every bit of energy still left in me. Before I knew it, I was at the concrete basement wall. The anxiety I had felt so far was only magnified at this point. I could still turn back. It wasn’t too late. But, go back to what? The jeers of my fellow mice? I’d be defeated by me.


No, I decided resolutely, it’s one thing to be defeated by your enemy, but quite another when your enemy is aided by your own fear. With that, I took one last gulp of cool fresh air, straightened my vest and ventured forward. Using the grappling hook, I squeezed through a crack in the wall and lowered myself down the interior wall.

I was inside! It took a moment for my vision to adjust to the indoors. I looked around the basement for any signs of movement, any signs of a cat or, worse, BOTH cats. That was one idea that I hadn’t thought of earlier--I had always envisioned myself out-running and out-hiding ONE cat, figuring I’d take them on one cat at a time. But WHAT IF I ran into both cats at the same time? I shivered and quivered at the same time at that thought. Well, I’ll have to take these situations on as I come to them. I’ll just have to be on “Red Alert” the whole time, and be extremely careful.

Everything was very still, very quiet, very dark. As I scanned the area, I made note that only ten feet away were the cats’ food and water bowls. But the cats were nowhere to be found. Had they seen me from a hidden nook? Were they watching my every move, waiting for me to make a mistake so that they could pounce upon me? Or, were they waiting for me at the top of the stairs, even at this moment sharing in their delight of perhaps surprising me on the other side of the door that was slightly ajar?

Well, I was going to run around the perimeter of the basement, and not come close to the food and water bowls. I’ll check the doorway from the safety of the bottom of the steps.


April 7
3:30 AM

Dear Diary:

So far, so good. Everything’s quiet, maybe a bit TOO quiet. But I’m heading for the steps, that according to my map, lead into the family room. From there, it would be a matter of a quick turn and I’ll take the stairs into the kitchen. I don’t know what I’ll face when I get there, but I know these are a couple of cats that have been in training with some catnip mice, which I just passed in one corner of the basement.

Those toys didn’t look like they were in very good shape. I’m in for it, I’m sure.

Again, relying on some deep-breathing techniques to relax me, I made a dash for it--around the outer edges of the basement, stopping only for a moment before making a run for it up the basement steps, and into the family room. From there, I ran into the kitchen. Still quiet in the house. According to my map, I can make a right turn out of the kitchen and into the living room.


April 7
4:01 am


Turning sharply right, I almost ran into one of the cats. Skidding, I managed to veer away at the last moment, just lightly brushing the tips of his whiskers. This cat,large, muscular and looking quite firece even in his sleep, growled softly at being nearly awakened, and I panicked. I turned again quickly, losing completely my sense of direction.

Ah! the stairs going up to the next level of the house. Before I can plot my next move, I hear noises coming from the kitchen. Running, I glance over my shoulder and catch a glimpse of my nemesis in action. This small black and brown cat, a cohort to the sleeping cat I just nearly bumped into, is now in full pursuit of me. Up
the stairs, down the hall and into the bedroom of the Humans. Once in the room,we ran in larger and larger circles. It was a dizzying effort, and only ended with my mad dash into the bathroom. With both the cat and me bumping into walls and furniture, we awoke one of the Humans. The Female Human is now awake and screaming, awakening the Male Human.

He comes running while yelling at The Cat to get me, while trying to close the bathroom door to give The Cat an advantage over me. All the while, the Human Female is still screaming at the top of her lungs. What a racket!!

Finally, after leading The Cat on a back-and-forth chase in the bathroom, I scooted out the bathroom door, past the Male Human and the cat. They were closing themselves in as I made it back into the bedroom, only to face the Female Human who redoubled her efforts at breaking the sound barrier, decibel-wise. I needed to leave, if only to save my hearing.

Once under the dresser, I composed myself, pulled out my map and planned my escape route: out and to the left. I kept repeating it as if it were a mantra. Out and to the left. Out and to the left. Out and to the left.

So what happened when I scooted out from the dresser? With more screams and shouts from both the Humans, I ran out into the hallway, and turned...right. I know, I know. I was supposed to turn left. But what with the confusion--The Cat, the footsteps, the clatter, and above all, the screaming, that incessant screaming--who could focus on directions? All I knew then was that I wanted OUT. “Out” meaning just out of the bedroom-turned-into-bedlam environment. Who could think in THERE? I may be in the wrong room, but at least it’s quieter in here, and I can think of what to do next.

Into the room I scurried. Now what? Wait...the closet door is partially open. Maybe I
can hole up in there until this whole thing blows over, or at least keep a low profile until the opportunity to escape presents itself to me. This seemed as good a place as any to wait this thing out. After all, the Male Human and The Cat were both still in the bathroom, hopefully with the door still closed!! But once they figured it all out, that I was no longer in their midst, I knew they’d be hunting me down again. I was hoping that when they came out to the hallway. that maybe they’d turn left.


April 7
4:35 am


From my vantage point in the closet, hidden behind some shoes, I hear the commotion still going on in the other room. Darn. If I’d known they were going to take this long, I’d have taken the time to make the correct turn to get out of here. And, If I’d have known they were all this incompetent at catching me, I wouldn’t have gotten so distraught initially.


Armed with this knowledge, I have a whole new outlook on this situation in which I find myself. I am calm. I am cool. I am collected. I can deal with this crew. I have the upper hand. The Humans are too busy either screaming or shouting at The Cat, and The Cat is too busy trying to just LEAVE. Hey, that means The Cat and I actually have something in common!! Maybe I can work a deal with this Cat: I won’t hold her up to public ridicule and in return she’ll give me a piggyback ride outta here. We can always negotiate the details of the agreement later.


All of a sudden, I heard footsteps, coming in my direction. Then the Human Male’s voice. He is narrating, detailing his every movement, or so it would seem, to the Female Human. I’m not sure just how MUCH of this she is actually hearing--she is still screaming. Just how long is she going to pierce the air with those blood-curdling shrieks, and what is she trying to accomplish? One wonders.

“I’m going into Jeff’s room now,” I heard the Male Voice drawing closer, ever closer. “But I don’t see the mouse anywhere.” (What? Did he actually expect me to be sitting in the middle of the room with a neon arrow sign pointing at me??) Even then, I have my doubts that my safety would be in jeopardy...this really is a safe haven for me or any other woodland creature who gains entry into the house. But, again, I digress.

“I’m checking under the bed here, but the mouse isn’t here, either. “ The Voice is closer than ever. Still, I’m not too worried. I’ve now been in the house for close to an hour, encountered TWO Cats and two Humans, have honed my hide-and-go-seek skills, and I’m winning!!

My upbeat outlook vanished instantly as the Male’s footsteps became louder, obviously coming in the direction of my refuge. Maybe if I crouch down behind this sneaker here, I’ll outwit them all again--apparently, it doesn’t take much.... What am I saying? This is not the time nor the place for such bravado. There’ll be plenty of time for such celebratory thoughts of grandeur later...maybe. Uh-oh. The door is opening wider.


April 7
4:45 am


Whew--that was close!! The footsteps fade once again, and my future brightens with each receding step. I’m on Red Alert now. I’ve mustered all of my energies and am in a state of heightened awareness. I may only have one shot at getting out of here, and I want to take full advantage not only of my instincts, but also their incompetence.

Oh, no! The footsteps and The Voice are coming back! One thing about these Humans--they sure are of a single mindset!!

Uh-oh. I sensed a presence in the room.A white paw curling around the door’s edge urged it open a little more. THE CAT!! Finally pried from the safety of the bathroom, she was carried by the Human Male into the room. It’s not as if she found me here on her own. At any rate, she’s in here.

All I can see for a moment are two huge paws and the cat’s underbelly jumping in my general direction. My fate is sealed. I imagine bared teeth and slashing claws. All I can do now is close my eyes and watch my whole life drift in front of me. Drift? Isn’t your life supposed to flash before your eyes? Something’s not right here. This is supposed to the part where the cat and the mouse square off. And so, I wait.

Slowly, in disbelief, I opened one eye. Scanning to the right of me, everything seems normal. Realizing that the cat must be to my left, I then opened my left eye, too. I am somewhat unnerved with the knowledge that the cat was probably readying herself to pounce upon me. What happened next surprised everyone,especially me.

The cat had indeed jumped into the closet next to me. But instead of the usual cat-and-mouse game, this Cat chose to sit next to me!! It was SHE who was in the corner!! Without so much as moving a muscle, I had managed to cow and then corner The Cat!! Neither of us moved.

The Voice and the footsteps drew closer to the closet again. “Now I can’t find the mouse OR the cat!” The Voice resumed his narration to the Female Human who, for the first time since my time in the bathroom, had momentarily stopped screaming. With what I imagine was a sweeping gesture of his hand, the Male Human pushed aside some of the clothes hanging in the closet.

In between waves of laughter, the Male once again continued his narration:“I found them! They’re both in the closet! Poker’s in the closet with the mouse!” This latest revelation ignited the screams from the Female Human again. “Oh! The poor mouse! That poor mouse!” I heard her sob in between her episodic shrieks.

My pulse was racing; my breathing, hard. All my confidence evaporated. Apparently, my first impression of this Cat was way off. She must be some sort of sadistic feline killer.

What was going to happen now? The Human Male padded off to the other room again, probably to leave my fate in the paws of the wily creature at my side.

The cat leaned towards me, her nose twitching. What’s up with this cat? I wasn’t sure if this was preliminary to an attack, or if she was just sniffing me out of sheer curiosity. She kept sidling closer and closer to me. Any closer, and she’d be close enough to put her arm around me! From the looks of things, she just might. But it reminded me that I needed proof of my encounter with The Cat, in the increasingly-unlikely event that I actually escape. Mustering all of my courage, I reached up to pluck a whisker from that furry face. But before I could do anything, the Human Male had returned,convinced that he had just invented a better mousetrap--a shoebox!!


Finding myself tumbling head-over-heels, and then heels-over-head, I was momentarily disoriented. Regaining my thought processes, it occurred to me: maybe he HAD!! I was jostled around in this cardboard box, but at least the screaming Human Female voice was fading in the distance.

The Male Human, however, was still with me every step of the way, still narrating his every move to the now-faintly audible screams of the Human Female. “I’m going to take the Mouse out now--I’m going to the front door. The poor Mouse is shaking...”

I heard the front door squeak open and I tumbled unceremoniously out of the box. During my free-fall into the azalea bush, I realized just how relieved, how happy, how giddy I was!

I laughed, and shouted for joy.

For I truly am the King of the Woods, the Mouse that roared...with laughter!