Left Turns

Meeting Vince

The wrestler displayed tremendous athleticism. His backdrops and bodyslams were flawless and graceful. “That was great” said the promoter, “I want to sign you to a contract.” “Sorry” replied the exhausted behemoth, “I’m due back at the office in an hour.” Vince McMahon smiled and showed him out the door.

Torture, Pain and Punishment

I have been bitten by dogs, cracked with a whip and beaten by bouncers. I loved it. Now my bones are brittle but I will attempt my grand finale. That would be jumping off a bridge onto a moving car. If I survive I will feel more alive than ever before.

The Wrong End

“Put it in honey” she whined. “I am trying” he answered, “But I can’t see a thing”. Finally after ten minutes of deliberation he found the hole. “Did I get it?” he asked.
“Does it smell?”
“Yes”
“Then you found it”
“Please honey” he cried “Don’t fart like you did last time”.

A Prowlers Plan

The noise was loud and totally apparent. He grabbed a bat and went to the front door. Nobody there. He went to the kitchen. Nobody there. Finally he went to the bathroom and clubbed the masked menace attacking him. He uncovered disguise to find his wife lying there in her own blood.

Summer of ‘96

My memory was running dry but I still had the scent of that cologne to remind me of the time in full. The nights and days of that summer with her were sad and endless. Now I am a shadow of my former self. Liquored up and distorted I search to find new ground.

The Drugs That Make You Go Mmmmmmmmmmm.........

Flashing lights, spinning circles and dominating figures made Joe go crazy. He was snorting cocaine in the washroom and then saw his fate. Tall and muscular monster of a man approached him wearing a sweater from the club. “Your cute” he said to Joe. “Sorry” Joe replied “I’m just here for the drugs”.


Empty Stomach

I’m gonna get that cookie if it is the last thing I do. I’m a good dog, I deserve a treat. After all, I fetch stupid sticks and get his paper for him, he could a least give me a piece. Yes, he dropped some, I got it. Oh no, I forgot about the cat.

Back From Below

I thought I had heard the knocking but when I checked there was nothing. The smell was ghastly and the sounds of grunts chilled the room. He entered with his decayed corpse in tact. I was motionless but he looked more alive than ever even though he was dead. That’s when I regretted killing him.

The Fornication Preacher

Smut, filth, dirt and sex are all of the things that make up our lives. Do you like porno magazines young man? Do you drink alcohol little girl? I can’t stand the fact that it starts with the one thing that satisfies and pleasures most people. That of course is hot and sweaty fornication.

Foot

“I have to get to the hospital son” Max panicked to his young boy. Max pulled the blanket from his leg that exposed his gree breathing foot. His son touched it gently as it amputated itself onto the floor. It wiggled wildly by itself. The shotgun went off and splatted it onto the walls.

Down To The Wire

Five. He dribbles the ball to centre. Four. He passes it. Three. He runs towards the basket with itchy fingers. Two. He gets the ball to the rack and sets up for the shot. One. He shoots. The ball bounces off the rim and into the net. They win. We have new champions. The crowd goes crazy.

It’s The Skippers Case

Skipper was hunting a murderer. He ran into a former friend from school and had a drink. They talked and Skipper saw a mand walk by the bar outside. He chased the suspisous man and caught him. He went back to the bar to find five people dead and his friend nowhere to be found.

I Fought Alone

I knew that I had no choice but to take him myself. We squared off. He hit me dead on the chin and I was spitting up blood. I came back with my daunting right hand and plucked him on the nose, watering his eyes and parting the red sea in his navel. It was over.

Even The Smell Of Blood Drives Him Crazy

“Don’t go in there you fool” he told her. She ignored him and went in anyways only to be chomped on by the giant beast. It was littered with fur and blood dripping fangs. It spit her arm up in front of his lap.
He smirked, “I told you Mom, he doesn’t like strangers”.

One Kiss

She went for his lips but he brushed her off. The next day her attempt to kiss him failed again so she hired someone to kill him. She was successful and buried him at a small cemetary in the neighborhood. During her viewing of his corpse she pucked up and smooched him on the cheek.

Clean

Everthing had its place, but one night something was out. She had her hat on the right bed post but when she got up it was on the left. It was a bizarre thing when she saw her husband wearing it in the shower before he went to work. She flushed the toilet on his bare body.

School’s Out For Now

I love summer vacation and especially the last day of school. Everyone is in such high spirits and free. The great times fly and before you know it is back to the books. We enjoy the time we have and the hours and days take us to new adventures in love and tanning.

The Brass Mittens

“They are worth so much” she cried. Her mother could not calm her down so she set out to find the million dollar mittens. They were hidden in a cave in the bottom of the sea.
“You got them” she cried, “I am going to need the matching scarf too”.

Blood Shed

As I stood there with the decayed head in my right hand I though about how I was going to pass it though customs. Luckily I made it through and back to my homeland. Everything was set up for me there. The legs, arms and chest were all in place for the master puzzle.

Misty
Misty loved to spy on her neighbors having sex. They were passionate and daring and she lived alone. One day she got caught and vowed never to do it again, but she did. Misty ended up falling in love with both of them. A love that only she would express to herself behind closed doors.