Merry Deathmas

MERRY
DEATHMAS TO ALL



HI, MY NAME’S THE RAT MAN. LET BE TELL YOU A STORY OF MY DEMENTED CHILD HOOD. IT ALL STARTED ON DECEMBER 24, THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. THE YEAR WAS 1975, I WAS TWELVE. I WAS IN MY ROOM TRYING TO SLEEP, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEARD A KNOCK AT OUR DOOR. IT WAS AROUND 2:OO, AND MY FATHER, JEBADIAH MAN, WASN’T HAPPY WHEN HE HAD TO GET UP AND ANSWER THE DOOR AT SUCH AN EARLY TIME. HE BLURTED OUT TONS OF SWEARS, AND OPENED THE DOOR.
“ WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT!?” I COULD HEAR HIM. I GOT UP AND WALKED OUT INTO THE HALL, HE WAS TALKING TO SANTA!!! SANTA, I LOVE THAT GUY. BUT HE WAS HE WAS HOLDING A SHOT-GUN, HE PULLED THE TRIGGER AND THE BLAST EXPLOLDED THROUGH MY DAD’S STOMACH. HIS INSIDES SHOT OUT AND ROLLED AROUND THE GROUND, THENTHE INSIDES STARTED DANCING. SANTA THEN LOOKED UP AT ME WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE, “HO,HO,HO. YOU GONNA DIE BITCH,” HE POINTED THE SHOT-GUN AND SHOT, I DIVED BACK INTO MY ROOM. BOY THAT WAS CLOSE.HE STARTED UP THE STAIRS, AND I SLAMMED THE DOOR SHUT, AND LOCKED IT. HE BUSTED IT OPEN AND PUMPED A FEW SHELLS INTO ME, I DIED.


THE END.
I HOPE YOU INJOYED MY STORY,
SINCERELY, RAT MAN



WRITTEN BY: JAKE MAHONEY PRIVATE EYE