| Male |
| June 14 1985 |
| Earth |
| I like cupcakes, and Hostess Raspberry filled powdered donuts. If you want to be my friend, leave them on my doorstep. If not, GET OUT. |
| I like to write random short stories that leave readers feeling worse about themselves and their lives. |
| AWESOME. |
| My wife. My dogs. Going to college. Hunting...for man. The most dangerous game of all. |
| www.theonion.com |
| Dave Barry's History of the United States, The Onion's "Our Dumb World" Atlas |
| Dave Barry |
| Me |
| "Marge, may I play devil's advocate for a moment?"-- Homer Simpson |
| Claude Debussy, Maurice Ravel |
| The Truman Show, Inception, Hot Shots! Parts 1 and 2, Wait Until Dark, Big Fish, Braveheart |