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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| It rained again this morning and I decided to forgo the gym. I only have a motorcycle for transport and can't justify getting it dirty on the wet roads. The upside...I went for another walk and again swam laps in the pool. Yesterday, when I left to go on my walk, I was in a fantastic mood. As usual, I wore earbuds and listened to music from one of my playlists on Spotify. I had the biggest smile on my face, and as I passed people (or they passed me) I looked at them, made eye contact and almost every one of them smiled back. This amazing thing continued for the entire hour I was out. When I got back, I felt very happy. Today, I wasn't in such a good mood. My neighbours began arguing at 1.00 am, and half an hour later, I yelled out for them to stop (not in those exact words but you get the picture). They stopped fighting and all went quiet. Unfortunately, I was so worked up by then that I didn't get to sleep for some time. I pictured them kissing and making up, whilst I lay there on my own, fuming at their performance. And so, as I walked today, I didn't feel like smiling and avoided looking at people. The difference between the two days is astounding. I look at it as a study conducted over two days with just one participant. It isn't going to give great data, but in any case, the results of the study are as follows. Allowing for a + or - 50% adjustment for mood differences, the findings are that smiles are highly contagious, and can be passed from one person to another, even at a distance. It was also found that in a majority of cases, negative vibes will reflect back with almost the same proficiency as a mirror. A long time ago, I learned how to be more assertive. When I first picked up the tools, I realised that compromise was a better way of conducting myself in the world. I no longer needed to bottle up my emotions until they popped like a cork in a frightening display of passive/aggressive behaviour. I thought this new way of conducting myself was to be my saving grace, but alas, it wasn't to be. Confrontation is a good thing, right? There are those who disagree with this theory. The way I see it, confrontation, rather than being feared, will bring issues out and into the light, so they can be discussed and a compromise found that suits both parties...or so I believed. There is a thing in Thailand called, 'saving face'. In my opinion, it is a cowardly way of avoiding hostilities by pretending that no issue exists. Then the parties can walk away and never speak to each other again, avoiding unnecessary conflict...but at what cost? When I applied my newfound skills to situations that came my way, things began to go awry. People I had been friends with for years stopped contacting me, I assume because I was seen as someone who was 'difficult'. Looking back, I suppose I was difficult because I wouldn't let things that annoyed me, or that I perceived as an injustice, go without saying something. As a friend, I couldn't help but try and make them see what they were saying or doing wasn't fair or was unacceptable behaviour...at least, to me. An example might be a friend who would speak to me about his relationship, and then bitch about his wife being lazy or ill-tempered or any one of a thousand other petty grievances he had with her on that particular day. As a friend, this is a tough situation to be in. The question was, should I just listen and nod my head, or say what was really on my mind? My way of dealing with that would have been to ask him why he was telling me and not her. And then I might point out that he isn't exactly the most understanding of people, and perhaps he should try and put himself in her position...especially when he goes out drinking with his mates most weekends and leaves her at home with the kids. No one wants to hear the truth, especially about themselves. They would rather focus on whoever is causing them grief and bitch about it to anyone who cares to listen. My reaction to their problems had both positive and negative effects. They soon stopped complaining to me about their spouses, bosses and friends, but they also stopped talking to me. Some might call that a win-win, but once there was nobody left, I began to wonder if being assertive was such a good thing to aspire to after all. When I got back from my walk today, the neighbour who was arguing with his Thai GF the night before was outside on his balcony. I only have four weeks to go before I vacate the premises. Hopefully, I will find a place where it isn't like living in a large sharehouse with thin walls separating each room. I tussled with the notion of whether it was worth saying something about the night before, and if not, avoiding a confrontation that probably wasn't worth having. But, old habits die hard, and when I saw him, I simply couldn't let it go. After my speech, he apologised, but I know they won't speak to me now unless it's unavoidable. Honestly, I wish I had had more people in my life who weren't afraid to confront me on my shortcomings. If I did, I would probably have more friends than I do. In my mind, if my neighbours are so ignorant that they thought they could argue loudly in the middle of the night (I suspect they had been drinking and didn't give a fuck about the noise they were making) and get away with it, then they aren't worth being friends with anyway. I'm glad I said something to him, just to dispel the myth that we should avoid losing face at all costs. I'm OK with being on my own and without many friends. Better that, than having lots of people who cannot bear to hear the truth about themselves, or tell it like it is to others. |
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