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 |  There is beauty in all things! |
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My Outlook on everyday things.  They say that the eyes are the door to your soul. They can tell others if your happy, joyful, sad, angry, tired, even lie or tell the truth, shall I go on or do you get the picture? |
| “The Loss of a Loved One” When you have lost a loved one and the knowledge that life will be so hard without them in it and no matter how much it hurts. Remember, when the grief fades, you will still have the memories. Treasure them. It’s a gift from God! ~Teresa Blakely Yesterday was downtime for me by ways of nature. It rained almost all day, shutting my electronics down. No, television, no wifi, and spotty phone service. That’s ok. It gave me time to reflect on what day it was. Eventually, that is after I woke from a few much-needed naps. When I would have service, I’d make the calls I needed and check emails and such. But, two significant phone calls would turn out to be a blessing in disguise. The first was my dad, and I called to check on him. He had a heart attack about a month ago. I needed to see how his progress had been. My dad is not much of a talker on the phone. But, yesterday, he wanted to talk, well, ask a lot of questions, that is… lol. We haven’t been involved in each other’s lives for 38 years much, mostly off and on. I try to call him every two weeks now, that way we have things to talk about. He asked where I lived and about my sons and how old my grandchildren are and what they were doing. He realized it had been 38 years since he had seen my sons and me. Made me sad in many ways that we had let the time slip away from us. He has lived in Alaska for the past five years or so which I had no idea he had moved, until four months ago when I called him about my baby brother. Which my brother had given me dad’s new number before he had his bypass surgery. I know that some of you have family secrets stored in the closet. You know which closet. The one labeled Secrets enter at your own risk! So, most of us throw them in and slam the door shut, sometimes nailing it shut and live with the consequences, and there are plenty of those going around. Most of them need to be aired out and patch up the cracks in the family wall, that's spliting apart. It hadn’t dawned on me what day it was until after I called my baby sister and told her that dad wants to come to see his children. She was curious about what that meant because most of the time, he cancels seeing us and does something else with his other family. I told her that I wasn’t reading anything into it. It was the thought that counts, right now. He slurs his words, and it is difficult to understand him sometimes. I have tried repairing the damage done by others in the family, but it is hard when that person is long gone. The lies told ripped through my family 38 ½ years ago like a machete slicing through the grass on a hot summer’s day. Actually, a little blood dripping from it a time or two, which is very heartbreaking to most involved. As we reminisced about years gone by, she asked me, “If I called because of the anniversary?” “What anniversary?” And as soon as it left my mouth, I knew! I started to cry. She knew that moment I remembered. “You know it’s been 39 years!” She says. “I choked back the tears and said, “Yes, and it’s hard to believe it. I can’t believe I called dad today of all days. No wonder he was more talkative than usual. That is if he remembered the day. She asked me why he was? I told her he had to go and promised to call me back, and I thought sure if he remembers too. I told her 15 minutes later he did. My dad has called me three times in 39 years. This meant a lot to me, and as he hung up, he said that he loved me! It’s a big deal coming from him. When you have a loved one’s loss, especially the glue to your family, it is tough to mend it back to what it once was. I mourned my mom’s death for many years. Did things to celebrate and remember her in ways that my sons would know her. But, I had little to go on because they were so young when she died. Heck, I was 22.4 years old. Never in my life did I think I would be without her, let alone my son’s and their children. Mom’s are supposed to live forever. And she does in my heart! You may use the quote I wrote if you wish because everyone suffers a loss, and we suffered a lot in 2020. The pain, grief, and sorrow that we have out shadows the memories we have of our loved ones. I realized at that moment when my sister reminded me of the date that I had finally stopped grieving and started remembering only the love and memories of my mom. I was finally at peace with knowing that I will see her again one day. We all process our grief in our own way and time. Everyone’s circumstances are different. So, don’t let anyone tell you to cowboy up and move on. You do have to remember that you have to live for them and tell their stories. You can't let it take you out of other's lives or everyone loses. I'm not saying you can't grief, but you have to live. That is what they would want you to do. I didn’t think I would ever get to a point that I was at peace with it and knowing that I would be okay. She’s just on vacation waiting for me to join God, her, and the rest of the family. The biggest thing is to remember the memories and try not to let them outweigh the pain of your loss. Getting past the grief is a big step in moving forward in your life. It has been 39 years for one of the greatest losses in my life and probably the hardest yet. It was a gradual process for me, but I can say that I am finally at peace. I have had family losses in the many years since, and they too have left scars and memories to bear, but I know that the scars will disappear and the memories will emerge with a great love for those who have left us and knowing that we will be reunited once more. My prayer for you today! Is that you always look up and ask God to wrap His loving arms around you at all times. The sense of His loving arms and their strength about you will give you the peace in your heart you need. May God bless you and keep you. May He give you love, comfort, strength, faith, hope, and the ultimate peace with your loss and all things in your life. In our Heavenly Father’s name, Amen. |
The Loneliness "Death of a Marriage, be it Death or Divorce." by Teresa Blakely I have a dear friend who has suffered her husband's death a few months before the pandemic, and she had posted about widowhood. Widowhood comes in all shapes and sizes and does not discriminate against males or females. Although in my case, I was married 35 years and divorced. I mourn the death of my marriage, still today after 10 years, and I feel and have felt the things she describes in her post. To fill that emptiness and void can be hard some days. God gets me through them and a handful of people I talk to about separation anxiety. That's the best way I know how to describe it. It's hard for others to understand if they don't know what it's like. And 2020 was very difficult to get through the loneliness of not having a spouse there to get through it together, like all the other experiences before. Reaching out to someone helps, but you don't want to feel like a burden to anyone. Trust me. I've been there, and I know that feeling. It has gotten better in some areas, like going out to eat alone, but I would prefer to eat with someone. It does have it's moments. Like so many others, having been married for a very long time, it is like it died. And in reality, it did for me, and I'm sure it has for others. Your spouse has alright been through it, already adjusted to being without you. In their mind, it was over years earlier. They just didn't know how to tell you without hurting you. In the long run, they end up hurting you even more than they wanted to. Divorce is an ugly dragon rearing its head to devour its prey. No matter who it is. It does not care! I wanted to share this with you because it sums up the loneliness that one can experience in a death of a marriage. May it be by death of a spouse or death of a divorce. It consumes us never the less. I hope this touches your heart and gives you peace that you are not alone in this feeling.  Widowhood by Alisha Bozarth “Widowhood is more than missing your spouse’s presence. It is adjusting to an alternate life. It is growing around a permanent amputation. Widowhood is going to bed for the thousandth time, and still, the loneliness doesn’t feel normal. The empty bed a constant reminder. The night no longer brings intimacy and comfort, but the loudness of silence and the void of connection. Widowhood is walking around the same house you have lived in for years, and it no longer feels like home. Because “home” incorporated a person. And they’re not there. Homesickness fills your heart, and the knowledge that it will never return haunts you. Widowhood is seeing all your dreams and plans you shared as a couple crumble around you. The painful process of searching for new dreams that include only you amounts to climbing Mount Everest. And every small victory of creating new dreams for yourself includes a new shade of grief that their death propelled you to this path. Widowhood is second-guessing everything you thought you knew about yourself. Your life had molded together with another’s, and without them, you have to relearn all your likes, hobbies, fears, goals. The renaissance of a new person makes you proud and heartbroken simultaneously. Widowhood is being a stranger in your own life. The unnerving feeling of watching yourself from outside your body, going through the motions of what was your life, but being detached from all of it. You don’t recognize yourself. Your previous life feels but a vapor long gone; like a mist of a dream, you begin to wonder if it happened at all. Widowhood is the irony of knowing if that one person was here to be your support, you would have the strength to grieve that one person. The thought twists and confuses you. If only they were here to hold you and talk to you, you’d have the tenacity to tackle this unwanted life. To tackle the arduous task of moving on without them. Widowhood is missing the one person who could truly understand what is in your heart to share. The funny joke, the embarrassing incident, the fear compelling you, or the frustration tempting you. To anyone else, you would have to explain, and that is too much effort, so you keep it to yourself. And the loneliness grows inside you. Widowhood is struggling with identity. Who are you if not their spouse? What do you want to do if not the things you planned together? What brand do you want to buy if not the one you two shared for all those years? What is your purpose if the job of investing in your marriage is taken away? Who is my closest companion when my other half isn’t here? Widowhood is feeling restless because you lost your home, identity, partner, lover, friend, playmate, travel companion, co-parent, security, and life. And you are drifting with an unknown destination. Widowhood is living in a constant state of missing the most intimate relationship. No hand to hold. Nobody next to you. No partner to share your burden. Widowhood is being alone in a crowd of people. Feeling sad even while you’re happy. Feeling guilty while you live. It is looking back while moving forward. It is being hungry, but nothing sounding good. It is every special event turning bittersweet. Yes. It is much more than simply missing their presence. It is becoming a new person, whether you want to or not. It is fighting every emotion mankind can feel at the very same moment and trying to function in life at the same time. Widowhood is frailty. Widowhood is strength. Widowhood is darkness. Widowhood is rebirth. Widowhood…..is life-changing." Let your creativity flow,    "The Lighthouse Poetry Contest"  "The Lighthouse Short Story Contest" "Cards of Love" |
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