Hello, in reading this moving poem... I felt the suffering of a protagonist who has lived life to the best, and continues to search for their own inner strength, as they travel bravely through the sometimes heart-wrenching experiences and moments, which many of us can relate to.
The trials of one relationship after the other, divorce, and dreading what tomorrow has in store for us, because of the events of today is a common theme for many of us. I really liked this poem because I could identify with it in my own personal life experiences.
I see no errors with the exception to three minor issues that would make this poem a five in my view: "breathe" and inserting the word "to" between "want" and "die" and "want" and "stop."
Overall very well done. Thank you for sharing your work.
This beautiful poem made me yearn for summer and all the wonderful experiences: the streams, the shadows, and all of the melodic sounds found in nature.
This is a beautiful poem that speaks to the walk that we all must take at some point in our lives to achieve our freedom. Freedom can come at the cost of loneliness sometimes, but better to be alone than in the company of misery. Well written piece, thank you for sharing, write on!
Hello, bravo on this piece :) You write from the heart and you write an evocative and authentic salute to all that is beautiful in us and in everything
around us...I really like this poem. Some fav lines are hard to write in this case because every single line, in my view, was my fav, but for the record I do like this line in particular: "The animals the birds and bees\Rivers, lands and trees" the rhyme scheme in this poem seems very natural as if mother nature herself wrote it to remind us. Maybe mother nature was using you to express herself? In any case, keep sharing your appreciation through your writing and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Write on!
This poem is beautiful in its simple, yet emotionally complex underpinnings. This is, naturally, only my view -so toss out these words of mine if they don't resonate with you at all ok :)
After reading this profound little poem, I found myself wondering about the life of our character, is she a widow perhaps? Is the parent-character male or female? I had other questions, but, I felt they were too personal. The only suggestion of parent relationship here is in the title, but, it could actually be figurative language for a lover feeling compassion for their partner who has suffered through many a difficult trial in life. It really is a fascinating little piece. Thank you for sharing your writing. Keep writing!
This is a magical piece. The way you employ figurative language to portray natures expression of love between two lovers is beautiful indeed. I really enjoyed this whole poem, what really stood out for me was how much you captured in only four short but illuminating stanzas! Great writing here. I am a fan now...
This is quite a beautiful ensemble of words that contain so much emotion...i found it very moving indeed. There are so many lines I liked that it is hard for me
to pick a favourite. I was quite moved by "Without a whisper, you were gone\What more can I say after all these years?" I felt compassion for the narrator of this lovely poem. There is rhyme in the right places and in the right proportion given the seriousness of the theme. Thank you for this slice of humanity that speaks to the core...
Hello, I like the six quartet stanzas in this evocative piece. Well done. It feels a bit like unrequited love as I read through it with closure at the end out of exhaustion from this state of one-sided love. There is almost a feeling of revenge in the final stanza, in the sense that, should the other wish for the continuance of affection that was unappreciated it is now to late for them.
Nice writing. Happy New Year!
Hi, I enjoyed reading your peaceful poem. I think you have accomplished a good job of capturing the essence of the "empty mind" that Buddha encouraged in his followers.
The part I enjoyed the most "The blissful freedom of being one with all/While not being at all"
I feel you had your finger on the pulse with this piece. Keep writing. I will look forward to reading more of your work.
Happy New Year!
pen
This is a beautiful, elegiac piece. My favourite lines:
"The skies cry rain for we have parted ways. (beautiful imagery and emotionally evocative)
The sun is setting on our matured love (such lovely figurative language, captivating and trance-like) . . . like a phoenix
I must rise high above." (brilliant end to the same verse)
Thank you. Five Biggies for you
Happy Holidays
Keep writing please.
I really enjoyed this poem. The flow is so natural and I can feel what you are feeling...awesome. I like your writing here, because you put me there. Keep it up!
the protaganist feels that only they will be observed in their own 'uniqueness' of special appeal? Interesting piece, somewhat difficult to decipher, but I do love the artistic flavour of it good write, thank you!
The poem is so true to the actual experience of recapturing a memory only for a fleeting moment, but than it's gone and you back to petting your cat on the couch of opening that can of whatever contemplating tomorrow's day, but someone, that soliliquy, persists...the memory that would leave, so much revealed in so little verse , profoundity manifest.
Excellent read, woman is tortured by the man she hopes to change to no avail. In the end, she is so exhausted from trying to change him, she concedes to improper inequality...reader feels she probably left him..subtle sarcasm in the end at the abusive man's 'superiority.' Well done.. nice read!
The authentic nature of hearts love, longing, and, connectedness flows through this beautifully written piece. Anyone whom has ever known the love, or the loving of, another will easily identify with this lovely poem. Too late we realize, yet sometimes the realization is only the awakening to renewed possibilities of love for another, perhaps destined, love. Never to give up on love. Never. Thank you for sharing this moving, visceral piece.
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