This is a really beautiful poem. Really, I have nothing to say to the contrary. I'm no good at all at discerning themes in poetry, but this one really hit me (At least I think it did! =D). Your word choice is extraordinary, it shows such a rich tapestry of emotion. Nascent? That's hardly something you hear in everyday life, making it seem so special, like a diamond among rocks. Please keep writing, this is truly amazing.
Damn. This is absolutely amazing. Your writing is beautiful. Usually I am only able to picture a scene if it is described very well, by somebody with a lot of talent. When I read this story I literally felt like I was there - I could see the blood, smell the tang, taste her fear. My heart rate shot up too, I could feel my blood pounding as she heard the footsteps. I'm going to go head over to your profile, wow, this is a phenomenal story.
This is an interesting story and plot - yes, explored before, but rather original here. I would suggest that you go into deeper character building (in the first chapter at least) and I'm not sure if it is different on your word proccessor(sp?) there are no separated paragraphs, just one big one. It gets hard to read after a while. Because I wouldn't want the review to consist of author tips, drop me an email, and I'll give you tips on continueing the story. I've been in the same place as you in every novel I've written - I hate it every time.
Wow, You're right that wasn't a cliche - it was amazing. The ryme and mood sort of dissapeared towards the end, I think you should keep it... i don't know how to describe it. You did a very good job on the visionary part... very good
~Gwynne Lypiphera~
This is amazingly written.....I am hoping VERY much that it's not true......You made a sense of nervousness, unease... Excellent, excellent writing. This was a winner for me. Congrats. write on.
~Mirage Lypiphera~
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