to start with it is not so catchy at the starting.....
so i would suggest you to have a better starting next time because 70% people judge your story with the opening lines.
Another thing... please highlight the questions being asked that gives a good impression..!!
Please have larger gaps between paras to give your piece a clean...and neat appearance.
the right paragraphing is a must.
Over all a good read looking forward to other such writings from you.
All The Best. :)
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