I gave you a 5 because you told us immediately what your essay was about, you went on to explain all the ways you're a procrastinator (you supported your point with plenty of examples), you then took a nice turn to show your readers an instant of success on your part, we had hope for you, and then...like a clever girl, you showed us your back slide, the fact that indeed you're still a procrastinator. However, in truth, hope shines its light behind your cover of being a forever-procrastinator.
Nicely done!
On a personal level...OY I feel your pain. I mean...I feel it. I have theorized procrastination is about control, a need to control our lives by controlling the deadlines. How dare someone else impose a time line on us, how dare they try to control our hard-earned independence!
At least...that's my theory. Now, I better run because I have to prepare for a class I'm teaching on Thursday and haven't done a thing towards accomplishing that goal. ;)
Fantastic writing! This is truly an example of excellence in the art of storytelling. I'm captivated from the beginning right on through to the end. As a reader, I felt the strong characterization, believed in the setting, and understood the condition plaguing your main character. I think what really sells this piece is it's sense of realism. You did a marvelous job at presenting the image of an addict crippled by the physical effects of deprivation and further underlying need, yet what he craved was of the "horror" category.
Thanks to ElaineElaine and her pointing this piece out in the Short Stories writing.com newsletter. Definitely worth a read for every person interested in writing a GREAT short story.
That's so funny...my favorite light is candlelight. AND the tiffany lamps in my bedroom. I do have empathy with your husband...I need a lot of light in the kitchen when I cook!
This is another great essay, girl! Your language is beautiful...my gosh...
It’s my nature to gravitate toward candlelit restaurants and wood-walled bars with shaded, hanging lamps dimmed low. I love autumnal haunted houses, leaf-canopied woods, and dank European castles. I've courted smouldering fireplace and midnight thunderstorm, breezy tunnel and murky pond.
My favorite line, though: Trouble is, I can’t very well mush the overhead light into a wad of toilet paper and flush it to oblivion. Chuckle...I would never have thought of that comparison. It's fantastic.
Once again, Winklett, you bring this great, refreshing sense of groundedness to an essay. Isn't it amazing how people still do "judge a book by its cover"?! The world can advance, and advance, and advance some more, and STILL people will take a physical appearance (or an opinion someone has expressed) and slam the owner to the wall in the most amazing and condemning <i>judgment.</i>
And let me tell you, what a fantastic place of self-comfort you live in. Had that singer done that to me...for whatever reason...I would have run crying. It takes a lot of strength to deflect "sticks and stones." And I like your strength!
First off, thanks for posting at the "Call of the Lizards" your request for a review (LOL, I changed the name since you were last there ...).
So here it is. You've gotten off to a good start. You have me, as the reader, interested in the mystery of the alien planet as I should be. You have a decent command of language and punctuation/grammar. I didn't see any errors on this first read.
What's missing is that I am left wanting to know more information at the beginning. I need more on the setting of your story. What sort of ship are they on? How long has this group been traveling in space? Was this an intended destination? Where are these people from? Earth? Or some other planet in a solar system we don't know about yet. Is this taking place in the future?
And one word choice issue that's totally ME. You refer to a 'blaster'. It seems to me that maybe there ought to be a more complicated term you could use. It just strikes me as too ... common. But maybe that's the slang during this time.
I'm also not clear on your point of view -- who's telling the story? Is it one of the guys on board, or is it from the omniscient point of view, an unknown that sees through all eyes. It's important to pick who's perspective you'd like to see this story through and stick to it.
I cannot think of a thing to improve this poem. It's startling, clear in its description, and the understated form emphasizes the stark reality of its tale.
I found this to be a powerful piece with the added touch of excellent phrasing. Very nice.
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