Definitely words written as a plea right from the heart.
Marriage without love can be a living nightmare and you have summed this up in your poem.
Words so true ring out loudly...You don't love me so set me free
This poem is touching and sad yet brings to the attention of the world, the torment some women do contend with.
Well expressed words and feelings.
May I point out some spelling errors I found?
1st verse:- something's (apostrophe)
2nd verse:- sabateur
and not a spelling error, but I feel instead of "gotten" maybe "brought" would be a better word in the 3rd line.
3rd verse:- 'borne' in the 3rd line and 'your' in the 4th line.
Thank you for sharing these words.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Tinkerbell,
This is a lovely account of a young girl's dreams.
Certainly many young teenage girls have experienced this fantasy at some time.
You have a natural talent to tell a story in rhyme and rhythm that keeps the reader interested. A little style like you have used here...repeating the first line in each stanza, keeps the daydream thoughts continual. It is a very clever tool and well used by you in this piece.
3 spelling errors I noted -
2nd verse:- "host" instead of "hoste".
3rd verse:- "belle" instead of "bell", and "they're" few instead of "there" few.
2 lines in the last verse, I feel would sound better if written a little differently:- It will stay in my memory engraved as art,
and also Though it's nothing but a dream, Oh well
As you progress in your writing of poetry, you will find that the rhythm can be fine tuned by counting the syllables in each line and forming a consistent pattern throughout the entire poem, verse by verse. This makes it so much easier for the reader to place accent on the correct word to make the poem run so much more smoothly.
It takes some practice, but I have found it does improve my writing.
I shall be happy to help you with this anytime. I am still learning new things myself and if it helps, I like to share this knowledge with others.
A most enjoyable read.
Cheers Meg.
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Wow! what a day you have had!
I am sure there are many of us who can really relate to a day of excitement such as this!
Those days were especially tiring and frustrating, but as I look back on them now, I believe they were some of the happiest memories I have...when the kids were growing up, and Dad was at work all day.
Aah yes, sweet memories.
There is one line I would suggest rewording to keep up the sense of frantic pace your day is having and some apostrophes, which seem to have got lost in the havoc somewhere. Line 6:- Then suddenly the phone will ring.
Line 16:- an apostrophe is needed in "we're"
Line 27:- "piled" only one 'l'
Line 35:- an apostrophe is needed in "they're"
Normally I would have suggested you break a poem into verses, but with this piece I feel you have added to the hectic pace we mothers keep up during a normal day at home with the children. By writing it as a one piece, no holds barred fast paced story, you have added a special natural feel to the poem.
Great work. I just love it!
Keep it up!
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Tinkerbell,
This is such a true description of the feelings a family experiences at the time of the loss of a loved one and friend.
It is a surreal, nothingness feeling that can't quite be explained.
You have done an excellent job putting these emotions into a well written poem.
The rhyming is not exact, but this does not, in my opinion, detract from the flow of the poem in any way at all. The expression in the poem carries it well on its own without the need for rhyme.
One suggestion I would make, if I may, and it is just my suggestion, you may like to leave your poem unaltered, and that's fine.
I would delete the word Because in the last line of the 2nd verse, just for a smoother flow.
The meaning would still be there.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us in a wonderful poem.
Cheers Meg.
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Thank you, Shannon, for this collection of c-notes and for all of your c-notes.
The topics and pictures cover all occasions where we need to say something to a friend but can't find the right words to express our feelings.
You are in my favourites!
I know I will always find just the perfect message among your notes.
i Harry,
I just LOVE elephants!!
This is a great acrostic with the addition of the fact that Man has helped to dwindle the numbers of herds by slaughtering them for their ivory.
You have encompassed all characteristics of the mighty pachyderm here, and showing them off as the magnificent animal they are.
It has been a pleasure wandering through your port once again. There is so much material here that covers so many topics, your writing is a credit to you.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share your work .
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
How well we know of drought and heat,
and the summer storm that brings rain so sweet.
Alas the drop is never enough
To quench the thirst and fill Earth's cup.
Teasing clouds which promise much
bring little rain to crops and such
But for a moment the rain can bring
a little relief to a summer ev'ning.
A great poem you have here, Harry, about the summer drought. Very descriptive passages give this reader a sense of "being there", as we soon will be here in Australia's hot summer.
Free verse lends itself well to this poem. I feel a rhyming style would have taken some of the impact from it and made it sound less dramatic.
Well done!
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
You write poems of everyday people during wartime with such an indepth sense of reality.
This poem sets a scene and conversation that must have been enacted many times over many generations, and sadly will probably be repeated for quite a few generations hence.
The simple language you use gives the poem such an honesty and credibility to your poem.
Readers can relate to dialogue that sounds natural.
I did enjoy this poem and its unusual form. The style did compliment the content well. It is very adventurous to write in a different poetic style, and when it turns out well as this has, you should be applauded.
I liked it !
Good work.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
This certainly is a thought provoking poem.
War is mostly seen as conflict between soldiers.
Those many civilians caught in the fallout of war are often forgotten.
Did they not also lose their lives in the course of battle?
Are they not also "casualties of war"?
Many waited for their men to come home and prayed they would, but what of the men who came home and found their family had paid the ultimate sacrifice?
Well written, Harry, and definitely something worth thinking seriously about.
Thanks for bringing this little publicised fact of war to the attention of many.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Harry,
Poems like this one, I enjoy most of all.
My mind does not have to filter through flowery descriptions and words that are placed at the end of lines indiscriminately, just because they rhyme.
These poems that have a story to tell, grab my attention right from the start and keep me interested in discovering the outcome.
The storoem runs its course smoothly and uncluttered, so easy to follow and get involved in the passion of the plot.
My heart sank at my racing ahead of the story at what could happen, then relief at the final scenario.
Well written and a most enthralling read. Thank you.
Cheers Meg.
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You too have put much effort into this poem. Collecting all the titles and linking them together should not be wasted.
May I suggest you enter the missing titles in the spaces where Invalid Item is displayed, making the reader aware that it was indeed another link.
It is a lovely poem and deserves to be read in its entireity.
Well done.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Khalish,
I not only appreciate the smooth flow and rhythmic style of the poem, which makes for enjoyable reading, I also am impressed by the logical thinking of shattered dreams.
A poem should tell a story, describe a scene, or alternatively send a message to the reader.
This piece has done just that.
A thought provoking message indeed.
Well written.
Cheers meg.
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Hi Khalish,
I must agree, wholeheartedly, that in a perfect poem,
there must be rhyme and rhythm and syllabic count to actually classify it as a poem.
Since joining this site, I have discovered there are so many forms of poetry, some of which I can appreciate, though others fail to impress their poetic title upon me.
While I much prefer the rhyme and rhythm, traditional style there are some who feel this style is too "sing song" and thus lean toward a more prose like "free verse".
Your personal opinion re your preference to traditional poetry is well expressed by this poem.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Lou,
How the memories of your childhood home bring all of my memories flooding back.
You describe your home so vividly, the picture is quite clear in my mind.
Why don't new homes creak and groan and tell their stories?
My childhood home has been renovated and modernised to a point where it is unrecognisable as the home of my memories.
Hopefully its new owners are gathering their own childhood memories there.
Thanks for taking me back to a wonderful time.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Julie,
Such a beautiful poem about one of my favourite things, and obviously yours, a golden sunset.
I think as we get older we do tend to appreciate the marvellous things God has given us. We no longer take them for granted.
We can all look forward to "what lies ahead may be better yet", can't we.
A wonderful poem by a wonderful lady with a wonderful outlook on life.
Cheers Meg.
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I put myself down for so many years,
When I did not pursue a career like my peers.
I, like they, excelled at school,
But I preferred myself not to follow the rule...
that A grade students should be professional folk,
When I decided my future, they said it was a joke.
For 46 years (and I hope many more)
I have been in the job I was really meant for.
Just ask all my children, there's 6 of them, true!
A career as a Mother is the best job to do!
Those toffs in their houses with their big fancy cars
All need to eat, and they all go to bars.
Who is it that gives them clean dishes, a meal?
It's people like you and me who are real!!
Your poem is a great inspiration to those who have not made it BIG in this world.
We all have a place and no one would survive without the input of each other.
It's nice to be important, but it's important to be nice
Well written,
Cheers Meg.
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Hey Lindsay,
I never really got into the technicalities of archery until I watched it during the Olympics.
After reading your poem, I can see there is more to it than just twanging an arrow blindly into the air.
Your words reflect the concentration and positive focus an archer must have to hit the target, (not to mention the strength to hold everything without shaking) .
I think the most personal and human part of your poem was the reference to the "slow motion" experience.
This feeling is so true of many memorable events in our lives.
The things we have mentally done in Slow Motion seem to stay with us forever. They have been imprinted in our brain frame by frame.
Thanks for giving us this great insight into the mind of a champion archer.
Well done!
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Lou,
Sweet smells certainly do bring back fond memories of childhood.
I love this form of poetry and you do it so well.
Do you really have four leaf clovers hiding in your grass? I have never found one!
Keep writing my friend to bring a smile to my face.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Hezza,
You were one of the confident ones on your first day at school.
Full marks to you!
I love these poems that recall childhood memories. They certainly give the reader a personal glimpse of the writer and provide that much loved nostalgia for the author.
It has got me remembering my first day, oh so many years ago.
(I didn't cry either!)
An enjoyable read. Thanks for bringing back memories for me too.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Hezza,
You certainly have the talent to not only observe what is all around us in nature, but also to express what you see in well written verse.
When I read a piece and think to myself "Oh yes, I have noticed that before but never gave it much thought", I know the writer has that special insight to my feelings into words.
Your title is very well chosen. There is Light and Dark all around us. We just have to take notice and recognise it.
Terrific piece of work!
Cheers Meg.
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Hi Hezza,
A touching tribute to your Uncle and to all of those who are, for their own sakes, placed in a prison-like environment.
A visitor may not notice so many aspects of a hospital room, but for the patient it is all he has to see and occupy his thoughts. Every detail becomes more prominent to a mind searching for activity.
Can't help myself, sorry.
Here I go with another suggestion, Hezza.
The repetition of the word "spotless" in the 2nd stanza does emphasise the fact but I feel "sterile" in place of the 2nd "spotless" would still get your message across.
Wonderful work. Keep it up.
Cheers Meg.
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What a wonderful trek you have taken me on,
Up to the heights of Skiddaw!
My breaths came fast and my legs ached so
I felt I could climb no more.
The marvellous sights you saw from the peak
Again took my breath away.
I hope to travel through time and space
With you another day.
A couple of suggestions, if I may.
In the 4th stanza "available" seems to be a bit of a mouthful with which to end a line. How would it sound There are few experiences in life
In the last stanza, would you consider deleting "So" from the 1st line, and "And" from the second line.
Just my opinion when I read it aloud, it seemed to flow in sync with the rhythm of the rest of the poem.
Great job and an exhilarating feeling for this reader!
Cheers Meg.
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You have captured yet another everyday miracle of nature and brought it vividly to our attention through your wonderfully descriptive verse.
How it brings nack memories of my childhood picking the puffballs and blowing them into the air. To see them floating on the breeze as I made a wish was a thrill I had long forgotten until now.
I never thought of them as the founders of the next generation, but you are so right!
That is exactly what they are.
A wonderful poem of nature at its simply best!
Well done once again.
Cheers Meg.
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A great job here, Hezza, keeping the rhythm of the clickety clack rattling along to accompany the train's journey along the tracks.
You have catured the sights and sounds of a train trip, and it was a nice touch to have some new people come on board to join you and enjoy the rhythm of the railway.
Clickety clack on !!
An enjoyable read of a mode of transport all too often taken just as that...a means of transport.
No suggestions for improvement, it's great as it is!
Maybe after reading your poem, more people will look and listen next time they travel by train.
Cheers Meg.
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Dear Hezza,
This is such a beautiful song of words. One can feel the music in each phrase and the occasional alliteration eg.buzzing of bees and also rustle of rushes is wonderful.
I felt I could not take points off for a couple of typos:-
The rushing of water
That it still keeps the best for itself.
In the 1st verse, I would place a comma after "feel" instead of a full stop to keep the thought moving.
In the 2nd verse, a full stop after "birds" instead of a comma.
In the last verse, a full stop after "richer" instead of a comma.
Great work!!
Well done!!
Find a contest to enter this one into. I'm sure it would do well.
Possibly
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Cheers Meg.
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