I think the story is good. It seems a bit amateurish, as if it needs polishing to make it seem even more real. Not many grammatical errors, which is good. But the scary feeling is there, and it is as if you know something bad is going to happen.
That last line is absolutely perfect. What a way to finish the story! It makes you go away wondering what happened next. You can make your own ending, maybe more than one.
I think it is great. When I have time I definitely want to read more of your work.
Thank you for the pleasure, and as they say on writing.com, write on!
I never read flash fiction before so I thought I would try. Sorry for using you as a guinea pig. The story did not grab me and there were a few grammatical errors which should not be there. eg you're messages should be your messages and God's of technology should be Gods of technology. I get short story and fantasy newsletters amongst others and they always tell you to check your spelling, grammar, etc Very important.
One thing I liked was the characters. The main character was very believable, and so was the busybody. They seemed true and I could see them, if you know what I mean. Keep on writing and you will improve.
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