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I found your port, started browsing through your items, and had no idea where to even begin. Your portfolio is very impressive! I had many options, but I found a couple that caught my eye. This review is for the first piece and there will be another coming your way soon . The first piece that caught my eye was "Princess Claudette" . After reading it, I would like to share my thoughts of it with you. Please keep in mind this is simply the opinion of a single reader. Everyone has their own writing style, preferences, and thoughts. Feel free to take whatever is good and toss out whatever doesn't apply.

First Thoughts: This story caught my eye because of the name and description. The name “Princess Claudette” gave me the impression of a young, energetic princess. However, the description, “A darkened mansion - buried memories” gave me the impression of something opposite. Right there, before I even begin the story, I am already invested in it. I like the brief description because it raises many questions.

What do you mean darkened mansion?
Metaphorically buried memories or are they buried with bodies?
What does Princess Claudette have to do with all of this?

These are just a few of the questions I wondered as I got comfy and ready to read. I believe you have figured out how to hook your reader, whether or not it was a conscious move on your part.

As I Read: Your opening line is a good hook because it raises more questions. Why did she need to steady her breathing? Within the first fifteen words, you have set up a scene that contains a lot of potential. After the first line ends, the scene looks dark and dreary. There seems to be something negative going on, but we don’t know what.

As the story proceeds, it continues to shine. I love the imagery you have chosen for this story. It sets the scene well by painting the picture in my mind. The character of Claudette is written very well. She is jumpy and nervous, but curious and driven at the same time. She is worried, but she needs to figure out what is going on. It makes her very relatable.

I like how you are able to keep up the tension of the scene as Claudette inspects the noise. I can imagine this scene playing out with everyone on edge to find out what is around the corner and what is making the noise. The introduction of the next character brought everything full circle. I hadn’t seen that coming. I think it is a perfect ending. The twist at the end of the story gave me an “aha” moment. This story played out very nicely.

Things That May Add To It: I know this piece was for a flash fiction contest, and therefore must follow certain rules and limitations, so please feel free to ignore anything that doesn’t apply here. I’m going to point out a couple things that I saw which may add to the story. Again, like I said in the beginning, everyone has their own writing styles and preferences. This is no way intended to come across negatively.

— The atmosphere had changed so suddenly it almost made her jump. There is nothing wrong with this sentence, but I think it could possibly benefit from a little reworking. The following sentences are examples of what it could possibly look like. That atmosphere suddenly changed and made her jumpy. Suddenly, the atmosphere changed and she jumped. Then the atmosphere changed, making her jumpy. I don’t know if those ideas would suit your story and your vision or not, but they are possibilities. Is it necessary that we know she almost jumped? What stopped her from jumping? That is why I considered using the word "jumpy" which suggests she feels uneasy because of the change in atmosphere. Sometimes words we use aren’t necessary and the battle is finding them and deciding whether or not we will use them.

—All the doors looked the same: closed and unwelcoming. All, that was, apart from one that stood ajar, enticing her in. These two sentences sounded a little awkward as I read them. Maybe something like the following may help… All of the doors were closed and unwelcoming, except one that was ajar, enticing her to go in. All of the closed doors appeared unwelcoming, but one was open and it was enticing her to enter. The reason I point these two sentences out is because you repeat the idea that the doors were similar. “All the doors” “same” “All, that was apart from one”. If you rework the sentence to cut out the repetition, I think it will be a strong sentence that will captivate the readers because the fact that one door stands out from the rest is a strong image for us to notice. And the reader will notice it even if you don’t point it out for them clearly like you already have.

Line(s) of Note: The air felt like icy treacle as it made its way into her lungs. —— I chose this line because it paints this vivid image of the cold swirling towards her and as it nears her, and enters her body, it leaves a noticeable path in the way it came from. However, that is just how my mind interpreted it.

Closing Thoughts: Short stories can be difficult to master. The writer has to find a way to share their story with a limited time frame and a limited space. Every word counts because there are only so many that you get to use. You have to set up a scene, create drama, introduce characters, plot, and emotion all the while moving your story forward. Where novels get 100+ pages to do all of that, you get an itty bitty amount in comparison. This is why I admire short story writers who know how to take a story and make it explode whether it is short, medium, or long.

You have done a terrific job with this story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I am curious about the inspiration though. I know you had a prompt, but what gave you the idea to go this way with it? I think it’s fascinating that you were able to make this out of that. If you ever decide to make it into a longer story, please let me know. I would love to read more about it.

I am going to be taking another gander through your portfolio and will be sharing a few more thoughts. Until then, I want to thank you for sharing your awesome creativity with us. I can’t wait to see more from you.

~Shana~