Wow. They must have been some nightmares she was having to cause the dream catcher to combust like that. Lovely vivid images of characters and props. If anything it was a little short but very enjoyable.
i can see where this is going, Dominance and submissive is all the rage right now, and everybody is well famillar with the concept thanks to 50 shades of grey. I did like this first chapter, and it left me wanting to read more. This young girl, Kara, (sorry maybe I missed her age) has all the hallmarks of a fiercly independant young woman who has problems conforming to a submissive role. He is obviously well used to his dominance role, ordering her around like he already owns her.
One small and tiny thing that hit me, was the overuse of description. I know there is a golden rule about painting a picture and having you reader feel like they are in the story, but for me, the over description in each sentence took away from the story just a little bit. I was too busy placing all the pieces of their surroundings and physical attributes together, to concentrate on what was actually happening. This is a very personal opinion, and will no doubt be disagreed with by a mountain of people. maybe its just the way I read the piece, off a computer screen, but there you go. Either way its just my humble opinion, and not a very big thing really.
the story flowed well, at a good pace. I loved the ease at which you write dialogue, something I constantly struggle with.
"lead the way, darling" You know he is talking about more than just coffee!!! I love it, straight on to chapter 2.
well done
amy tierney
This poem is so sad and crying out for help. I hope you find your way out of your personal darkness soon. I am all to famillar with the dark tunnel and no light at the end. Sometimes the paid is quite unbearable. Writing does help though. I filled numerous notebooks with my writing during my darker times, some of which I have reread recently to remind myself of how I pulled myself out the end of the tunnel.
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