That is a cute little sentiment. I cherish the idea of being in love with someone who you never want to part from. You would practically do anything in order to keep your love.
I do have to admit it is a little short.
Overall, good job.
What I liked the most: I first read this and was like, "What the heck does this mean?". I loved that because I never had to do that while reading a poem in a while. It makes me think and shows that the Bible is present with ears being deaf and the consequences of doing evil to get you into Hell. I was confused by the line, "the darkest light is the hardest to see" because darkness is pitch black and usually does not contain a source of light. Yet, maybe, it means that you are blinded by your own weaknesses which is why you do not see the light? Anyways, this was great because it was vivid in description and color.
Corrections: Some words were misspelled. Here are the correct spellings: deceive, falter. Also, this line "Only to find themselves in Masters Hell". All you have to do is add 's. "Only to find themselves in Master's Hell"
What I liked: I liked the line "And the shards came to rest in your heart"..It is well said. The emotions of anger, hurt, and confusion are portrayed well. I also liked the beginning that said "Love, did you try to resist him?" I love that because it questions how much you love a person. If she loved you, why would she have cheated? Why would she take everything you had offered her and sqandered it for one night? Does she care at all about your feelings? Was it spur of the moment? Maybe, you won't find the answer. Yet, it is worth asking. You at least deserve the truth.
Corrections: the curse word takes away from the poem; Also, the second to last paragraph has the word love a lot. It is fine in one sentence. But with that word four times afterwards, it appears redundant.
Feeling alone is the worst feeling in the world. It as if no one cares. Yet, there are people who do. I do even though I do not know you. I am going through what you are too. We both strive for happiness that appears no where in sight, but there will be somewhere. The thing we cannot give up on is hope even in the darkest of nights.
What I liked most: I think it shows people that depression is not something to be taken lightly. It is serious, and people should not judge you if you do not smile or react happily to things other people would have. We put a fake smile on our faces each day wondering why the heck are we here? I know how you feel, seriously.
Corrections: The & signs should be the word and; Also Way & Never notice how badly we're hurt did not make sense. I think it should say: They never notice how badly we hurt. Also, after Why do we do that? There should not be a period there.
Other comments: It gives a good incite into depression. Good job.
This is a well written poem. It is sad though describes Dementia thoroughly. I am surprised at how he could have lived a normal life but suffers from this disease. Good job with letting the reader know how he feels about this: first wanting the voices to stop then with silence wanting them to come back. It reminds me of how we all want something but when we have it, we realize we do not want it anymore.
It is an outpour of feelings on paper. Trapped is the word. You feel trapped inside a world where you feel like no one understands or cares. I care cause I go through that too. Some advice is to not give up hope. Also, using s*** in a poem does not sound professional. The line that I liked was, "Longing for love drowning for hate". I like the contradiction. It works well together.
Corrections: I think that if you add something like an outside person looking into your world so it is not just all feelings.
What I liked: This poem makes you think. It gives a new insight on what doubt actually is. Doubt tends to rip at us through the devastating times of our lives and prevail. I liked how you took the perspective of the writer, a soldier, and a child all in one poem.
Corrections: From Doubt
To Us All this would sound a little better
That was great! I was convinced that Chester was a guy. When I found out that he was a cat, it made me laugh. This story had many details, and I enjoyed reading it. It is well written. Great job.
What I liked: Awe. I liked the poem. It is sweet. It is because when you cry, you wonder whether the person you care about knows what you are going through. A few lines that I liked are: Living alone without you, has made me sad too. I would give all I own to bring you back home. It shows that you want the relationship to work and would do all you can for it.
What I liked the most: I liked how she is a shadow of love. She follows you wherever you go though you can never find her. You sense her presence but are perplexed at how she cannot take form into a person. You want her and are addicted to her. I like the descriptiveness of the poem. I liked the lines, "As I walked home, swaying with unsure thoughs, Was that you in the distant booth?
I love this because it shows the effects alcohol has on you (hallucinating and instability of the body) Also, I liked the phrase Was it your gaze that burned in me?
What I liked: I liked how you described how memories affect you. "It took the death of hope for me to realize what I never had"..this line makes me wonder what you did not have. Maybe, you thought you never had hope. Memories, I agree are both good and bad. Yet, hope cannot ever be lost. Even in the times of darkness, hope even if it is 1% that you have, is there after all.
Corrections/Edit: I think that it should be written like this: The memories....
The bad times.....
The amazing times....
The worst times......
The best times....
Basically, just add..... at the end of each line since these phrases in itself are not sentences.
What I liked: I think this rocked. This made me think that you are a vampire who cannot be satified. It is good, and I liked the two lines: I'm back to kill, sunny side up and I cry of sorrowful means. It appears to be that this person has no remorse for preparing to strike his next victim. Also, I realize that he may hide what he truly feels. He wants to have the pain and act like it doesn't bother him. Yet, on the inside, his disloyalty to himself will kill him.
Corrections: Peace is gone; it's time for war. Just add ;
Other comments: It is enjoyable, and well written. The darkest day, the beloved ways....I loved it. Great job.
What I liked: I liked this a lot! My favorite part was at the end: the world screams a thunderous ovation: No No No! Our hearts saying Yes! Yes! Yes! Do you know why this is priceless? It is because it shows what happens easily at a bar. You see an attractive girl. She knows you are either married, which is a good reason to be forbidden, have a girlfriend, or just single. Yet, the way you both look at each other makes you both know that something else is about to happen. This day and age, lust comes over the true meaning of love. Though one may realize lust is a part of love, it should not be the first thing that occurs when you meet a person. Corrections/Edit: I think that where you wrote double on a line: Too late, Too late, I cannot. I think it should be: Too late....too late....I should not .....I cannot. This would show that you are deliberating on what to do. I think it should be the same for. "She knows....she smiles" and " I try....I struggle...I smile". These lines would show that there is temptation in their movements of their bodies. Other comments: Good job.
What I liked: I think this poem relays how broken one can feel after a relationship had ended. It shows how you cannot be over it and do not want to be. You wish that you could change something to make your love come back. It hurts, and I can relate to it. I liked the last line, "My thoughts are scattered because I know that no matter what, "I love you" is not enough any more". This is true because once you steal someone's trust, it can never be returned no matter what you do. Yet, to try countless times can be an attempt to gain the one you love back. Even though it may not work, at least you tried. More importantly, you learned what not to do for next time with another person.
Corrections/Edit: My opinion on what needs to be corrected: The pieces of my broken heart lie scattered around my feet. All (capitalize) I can feel is my heart yearning to be with yours, even though (capitalize) I know it 's impossible. I messed up far too much when I used the phrase, "I'm sorry" to ever satisfy you. It kills me inside. My thoughts are scattered because (capitalize) I know that no matter what, "I love you" is not enough anymore. Also, I think the </3 should be eliminated because it would not make sense to a reader.
What I liked the best: I liked the idea that footprints were not just in the sand, but also in the air and are in time. I liked the line: "A million starts are shining bright" because I love stars. It is an uplifting poem.
Corrections/Edit: Along with footprints on the time does not sound right
some suggestions: Along with footprints placed in time or Along with footprints in time
Wow. I liked that a lot. I loved the last line that said, "Deader than dead, I'm the killer of sleep". Also, it is intriguing because it could come from the point of view of a person who has difficulty sleeping or the viewpoint of the disorder of insomnia. It was creative and descriptive. Brains for coffee, blood for speed, flesh for coke, and bone for weed were clever lines too.
What I like the most: I liked the idea that there was a place you can go to vent on what happened to you. It seems to me that the father is abusive from the words, "running from the man I call my father". I think it is intense to deal with violence within the same household. Emotions are hard enough to deal with.
Corrections/Edit: You spelled feat wrong. It should be feet. Also, you spelled staerted wrong. It should be started.
What I liked: I liked the idea that it is about a person who feels like he is outcasted from society without proof of anything. How could one judge a criminal with no proof? It is true when one is wrongly convicted...Also, it came to me it sounds like the passion of christ.
Corrections: I feel like the rhyming took away from the poem. Also, you wrote the lines differently but consecutively (one after the other) Does it not know the shame that I live in Does it not know the shame I live in
maybe you can change it: Does it not know the shame that I live in? Does it not know the pain that I endure?
I think that this poem flows well and that the word "this" segways one thought to the next. I liked the part of no past present or future because it means that when one endures pain, it seems like it would not end. It appears to be no state that you are at except despair. This is relayed through this work by the words stuck, no response, hell, and box of relinquished animation in your poem. It was written well, and there should be a comma after present.
I liked the topic being about vampires, and I double guessed myself when I read the words see what happens. I thought a vampire would jump out at me and bite my neck after I found the last word.
It was a very thoughtful quiz. It made you think about your viewpoints on life and coping with life. To compare a life with a famous writer is genious. Plus, proud of a broken heart speaks to me. It says that there is no shame in loving and being broken. Especially, if it is not your fault that you are hurt...
I liked that a lot. Singing is a way to express yourself and feelings you may have for a person. I liked the line, "Under the glow of the charmed moon". The moon sees everything and makes decisions for himself whether they should happen. Whether or not the moon is correct, romance is up to the people to decide. "With your voice, I learned to love"...is true because sometimes, a person does not realize how important he/she may be to your life. A few sentimental words, your day is made by the person. Sometimes, a song that is sung by the person serenates you to feel hypnotized by their love.
What I liked the most: I liked that she reminisced on the guy that she liked. I think that she liked him more than he liked her. I could relate to the feelings of wanting to be with a person even though it is not possible at the time.
Corrections: Staggering to her feet in a drunken stupor, struggling to walk she swayed towards the windows and slammed them shut...it should be: Staggering to her feet, she stumbled towards the windows and slammed them shut. Men still found Leah attractive; when she made an effort of getting her act together before venturing out - however that was a rarity now a days sentence does not make sense with still finding her attractive but it is a rarity these days maybe try: There was a time where men had found Leah attractive. This would be when she made an effort to get her act together before going out.
Other comments: Overall, good job.
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